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how would you deal with this?

So my son will be 2 years old in August. When I was 7 weeks pregnant with him I was with this guy, lets name him Tom. So Tom and I were okay, we had ups and downs and when he found out I was pregnant we talked about the options. I decided to keep it and his mom told him to move back to CA(we were in another state) with her and leave me since I was keeping the baby. Well since then he decided not to be in my sons life. Well I ended up getting back with my ex that I have known for over 5 years, lets name him, Jack. So Jack and I got back together when I was 5 months prego and we have been together. Jack has been there for my son since day 1 and says no matter what that my son is his son and I put jacks name on the birth cert because he wanted to. Do you think eventually my son should know who is real father is(Tom) eventho Jack has been his father from day one? Just looking for an opinion.


Asked by djanowski775 at 4:35 PM on Jul. 20, 2010 in Toddlers (1-2)

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Answers (14)
  • If the natural father comes forward wanting parental rights, he has to go to court showing he is the father and is entitled to parental rights. Now, there is a presumption by courts that children born during a marriage of the child of the husband. If the name is put on the child birthcertificate, the natural father can come forward seeking a paternity test to show that he is in fact the father and the birth certificate is incorrect. But now that the child is two years old, your child sees the new guy as the only father he knows. When he is old enough to understand you can explain to him the circumstances. Your child has the right to know but its up to you to decide whether or not to tell him. Because he is only two, its a little too early to be concerned about this. Take one day at a time and be happy there is someone who loves your child even though there is no blood relation.

    Answer by lawmom27 at 4:42 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • Jack is his father, the only father he's known. I wouldn't consider the "man" who left to go with his mommy a "father", he was a sperm donor. The man who's been there all for him his life is his father.

    Answer by aliceinalgonac at 4:37 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • My mom was in that situation with my sister -she was honest about it - it never really caused much hatred or anything.. My dad adopted her legally before I was even born - my sister knows the truth of who her dad is but still considers my Bio dad, her dad - I think if you decided NOT to say anything, it would be a horrible thing to hold on to.

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 4:38 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • for medical reasons you should tell him. He will need to someday know what his medical history is for himself or even for his children. I grew up knowing who my biofather was, but the man I love with all my heart as "Dad" is actully my stepdad. Imagine if someday your son finds out you lied to him, it'll cause more hurt than good. Reminds me of those made for TV movies. So be open, it'll be okay. Jack will still always be "Dad".

    Any man can be a father but it takes someone special to be a Daddy(that was on a plaque in my house growing up)

    Answer by Lynette at 4:43 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • and tell him early so it's not a big ordeal and so he dosen't feel lied too.

    Answer by Lynette at 4:44 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • YES tell your son the truth, secrets are just a mistake. Why let this hang over your head for your whole life. Let your son know while he's very young and then keep telling him that his bio dad is Tom, this way it will be no big deal to him. You never know, Tom could pop up at anytime and want to reconnect with his son, this could be 20 years from now, you don't know. I would never have falsified the birth cert. Jack knew the truth so he should get over it and just love your son as his own even if he isn't the bio dad and his name isn't on the cert.  Your son only knows Jack as his dad, and he loves him as his dad so give your son some credit and let him know the truth.


    Answer by RyansMom001 at 4:49 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • I'm confused. Is Tom the father? I was reading it that you were with Tom when you were already 7 weeks pregnant.

    If Tom is the father your son should eventually know that.

    Answer by TweenAndTwinMom at 4:38 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • He might need to know at some point in his life if a health issue ever came up ....

    Answer by tasches at 4:39 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • Tom is my sons biological father(or also what I call sperm donor) lol--jack is on the birth cert because he has been there with me since I was around 4-5 months prego. Tom left me pregnant. Just wondering if I should even tell my son when he is older who is BIo dad is or just leave him knowing that Jack is his "father" on the birth cert and because he is there. Tom has never ever asked about my son or wanted to see him or anything.

    Comment by djanowski775 (original poster) at 4:42 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • this is tricky. like wuth us DDs bio and i split not long after birth.he barely ever saw her. i met andmarried my husband. DD started calling him daddy from day 1.we moved away.bios in jail right now and will be for sum time. however. we are trying to get DH to adopt her.this takes time and money. BUTwhen it comes time to sign the papers bio has ever right to contest or to allow it to happen by signing over his rights. if he signs his rights away i will not be telling DD about bio. but if he doesnt and contest to it i wil lhave no other choice but to tell her about BIO so she can decide for heself if she wants anything to do with him.
    but since hes signed his rights away i wouldnt tell em' about bio dad. sounds like a POS just like my baby daddy. let it be and good luck : )

    Answer by sandraberke at 4:44 PM on Jul. 20, 2010