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Oh for petes sake...

My SO and I are fighting over my ex husband and my facebook. My ex husband and I do NOT have children together, but he was the only father my DD ever knew and he still plays the father role for her, even though we're divorced. He helps me buy her clothes, etc. He wants to stay in her life. My ex and I are 100% capable of being friends, we just realized we weren't meant to be more then that. Well, he is on my Facebook. I upload pics of my DD all the time, we now live 350 miles away from my ex, so he only gets to see her about once a month. He likes to get the pictures of my facebook. My SO thinks that I am crossing a line by maintaining this semi-friendship with my EX. we talk sometimes but its always about my DD or my brother (their best friends) I NEVER hang out with my ex or have any sort of emotional relationship with him, I feel it is very appropiate. But my SO think that because the ex isn't daddy I should cut off contact

Answer Question
 
allfiller

Asked by allfiller at 7:03 PM on Jul. 20, 2010 in Relationships

Level 12 (802 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • Maybe you should respect SO's feelings if you want to stay with him. Put yourself in his shoes.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 7:06 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • Now, the tricky part is that, this isn't what my SO signed up for. When we got together my EX and I weren't speaking because he was seeing a woman that bad mouthed my DD. That lasted for about 6 months, then my ex dropped her because she couldn't get it together. So, when I started my relationship, my SO though that my ex and I were not speaking and that we weren't going to. Then when my ex broke up with the girl that intentionally was mean to my DD , he apologized and begged me to let him see my DD. So I did and I told him so long as he was in an environment that was healthy for my DD, it was ok. I didn't really really consider getting my SO's permission considering we had only lived together for 6 months at that point and its my daughter, not his...
    allfiller

    Comment by allfiller (original poster) at 7:07 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • I think your SO needs to grow up, or you need to find a new SO!

    sorry, but what kind of a man gets upset over the idea of your daughter being loved?
    I don't think it has anything to do with what the situation was when he came into your life.
    when kids are in the picture, nothing is for certain.

    I think the SO just needs to get a clue!
    ItsMe89

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 7:15 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • I agree with admckenzie.
    bjane01

    Answer by bjane01 at 7:22 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • Idk, I would think hard about it. Your ex was fine with not speaking to you for several months when his new gf was talking crap about your daughter...it's a tough decision, but what's going to happen when your daughter gets close to your new SO and sees him as her father figure? Won't it be confusing for her? It's just something to think about, good luck figuring this out.
    mommymela87

    Answer by mommymela87 at 7:24 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • Whoops I just noticed that you said ex-HUSBAND, not ex boyfriend. That puts it in a different light completely. Ahh now I'm confused...I hope someone else has some good advice!
    mommymela87

    Answer by mommymela87 at 7:26 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • I would sit down with your SO and talk to him about why you think that your ex should still be in your DD's life. If he still doesn't understand or approve let him know that you would like to stay facebook friends, but would be willing to make a reasonable compromise that respects both of your needs as far as his involvement in her life and visits.

    It can work I have seen it my MIL is still very friendly with her ex DH, my DH's dad, and her new husband and her ex DH have even been able to become friendly, didn't hurt that they were friends before. If you want to let your ex be a part of your DD's life you should try to help them at least become civil towards each other.
    amandajoy21

    Answer by amandajoy21 at 8:07 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • Well, he is a father figure to your daughter, and she feels she needs him in her life, right? So your SO really doesn't have the right to take that from her. It's not fair to your daughter. If you don't hide anything concerning your ex from your SO, then he shouldn't feel threatened. He does need to grow up. And no, you don't need to cut out your ex just to appease your SO. You two aren't married, and even if you get married, who's to say that will last? This other man is a father figure to your daughter, SO just can't wrap his head around it because this guy isn't her birth father. If he can't put your daughters well being above his insecurities, then there is a problem.
    What's next, is your bro supposed to cut him out of his life, too? LOL!
    Raine2001

    Answer by Raine2001 at 10:46 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • Oh, one more thing. Your SO should also look at it this way. This guy, not being your DD birth father, loved her as his own. And even though you are divorced, STILL sees her this way, and loves her. I still say he has no right to take that from her. He should be happy your DD had/has him in her life. She easily could have gone without a dad at all.
    Raine2001

    Answer by Raine2001 at 10:48 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • I think your SO is jealous and worried you are going to go back to your ex. I think it is wonderful that you can stay friends with your ex, and I know a lot of people who learned that they could not be married. It happens. If your ex, and your daughter wants it, wants to be left in the loop, keep it that way. It may not work out with your SO, and because of his insecurity, you may be out a friend. Keep in contact, and good luck.

    krissyvelazquez

    Answer by krissyvelazquez at 11:02 AM on Jul. 21, 2010

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