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3 Bumps

How would you handle this situation?

My husband and I was talkig on the phone about our marriage and how we're struggling by always arguing about little s*it. So as we are talking he tells me that his ex flame(woman he had a relationship withwhile were engaged) emailed him saying hi. He had the nerve to reply back to her! So he tells me that she's going to have a baby and all that jazz. Anyway I couldn't help but to get enraged by this! I told him I did NOT want him to continue talking to her! He said "she doesn't mean anything to me and we weren't really speaking on anything" I feel betrayed all over again and he told me if it makes me mad then he was going to continue to talk to her! I'm over here ranting and crying and he tells me "look I didn't marry her I married you, I don't love her I love you, and I'm yours not hers! It's dead between us!" he's coming home from work and I don't know what to say or do?!! I'm trying not to fight. What would you do?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:55 PM on Jul. 20, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • I would be super pissed thats for sure. So WRONG of her to contact him.. he is right though..he married you not her....still doesn't make it right.
    Cochise

    Answer by Cochise at 9:57 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • I don't understand why he would use that moment to tell you about an ex flame contacting him..when you guys were in the middle of a conversation about your marriage. Does he like to bicker with you? Is the make up sex that great? LOL. Sounds like he did it on purpose(to tell you at this point)..or at least his subconscience did.
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 9:59 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • If it makes you mad he will continue? WTF? Tell me his name and I will slap him...you have every right to be upset!!
    shortleo

    Answer by shortleo at 9:59 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • This kind of stuff is why I am so against facebook kind of sites...too many ex's trying to cause trouble. I would just make sure your husband knew how offended and hurt you are by all of this.How would he like it if some old boyfriend was contacting you. I just don't go for that kind of thing....playing with fire.
    Cochise

    Answer by Cochise at 10:00 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • Well first be mad at her not him, it isn't his fault she contacted him. Also be happy that he was honest and told you about it all it was was them say hey so just drop it and when both of you calm down nicely talk to him about why if she tries to contact him again you don't want him to respond. but still just drop it he was being honest if he was hiding it that is when it is time to get mad.
    mrsbean08

    Answer by mrsbean08 at 10:01 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • Try to calm down (stay mad but don't let him know it.) When he get home just calmly talk to him about it.
    mamaofficer

    Answer by mamaofficer at 10:02 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • If you want to save your relationship I would do everything you can not to yell and scream. The louder you talk, the less most men listen. Sit down with him quietly, explain to him that it hurts you. Request that he not respond to her contact in any way. There is too much history there for you to ever be comfortable. He either will, or he won't. You'll have your answer by what he decides.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 10:03 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • What an ass! He actually told you he'll continue to speak to her because he knows it makes you mad? What a Pig! He obviously doesn't care about you're feelings. You need to sit him down and take out the wipe. Ask him how he'll feel if you started talking and keeping in touch with your ex's. Have him put himself in your shoes, ask him how would he felt if you were the one to have another relationship while you guys were engaged and then later you started talking to the person you cheated on him with. Bit he won't like it. You need to make him realize how you feel.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 10:11 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • You do have the right to be pissed at him, he told you he'd continue to talk with her because it pissed you off! I'm sure he was telling you the truth about loving you not her, but he shouldn't have be texting her while talking with you, or at all really. And he certainly shouldn't have told you he'd talk to her longer because it pissed you off. He also needs to realize that since he cheated on you with her, he's already in the wrong where she is concerned. That's just the way it is. If she contacts him and he responds in any way other then 'leave me alone', he's wrong. I hope ya'll can work this out, I hope he gets his head out of his ass, for his sake and yours.
    Raine2001

    Answer by Raine2001 at 10:34 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

  • He was expecting that reaction out of you. BELIEVE ME, I know it's going to take every bit of strength to do this, but be as upbeat and chipper as possible when he comes home. Don't even bring it up. If HE brings it up and starts insisting that he's going to continue to talk to her, reply with short, nonchalant answers. "Okay honey." "Yes babe" Ask him how his day was and see if he continues to try to talk about it. If he asks you (which I'm sure he will because he wants to push your buttons) why it's not bothering you anymore, say this,"Well I thought about it, and you're right. You married me, not her. You're going to talk to her regardless of how I feel about it, so I may as well accept it. I just know that if you weren't comfortable with me talking to someone, I'd have enough love and respect for you to cut ties. I'm sorry that we aren't on the same page." Say it as sincere and calm as possible. He'll be floored! GL
    nicolemstacy

    Answer by nicolemstacy at 10:37 PM on Jul. 20, 2010

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