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how to punish an 18 year old when she brakes rules

so me and my husband and our big hearts took in an 18 year old who up tell now has been couch surfing, and has a vary active sexual past. shes been given rules in this house that are simple no being alone with my husband (a normal given for any room mate) no bad words around our 2 year old, watch your temper in the house, smoke out side, no drinking, no staying out late with out letting us know where you are, if your not in the door by 10:30 its locked tell my husband leaves for work in the morning, and a few more. no the thing i need to know is how do i deal with it when she brakes the rules. legally shes and adult, but that don't make her one we all know that 18 don't make you and adult. and please stay on topic here no grammar checks no spell check none of that. and i don't want to hear, and no i wouldn't let her stay to start with kuse its a bit late for that.

 
Manda_Evans

Asked by Manda_Evans at 4:58 AM on Jul. 21, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 10 (382 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • I would tell her she has a choice. To live with you and obey the house rules. Or leave. Then give her a probation period. (ex. 1 month) To prove that she is an "adult". Explain to her being an adult means respectful of house rules. She can either enroll in school, (she is responsible for herself, transportation, paper work etc.) or she can get a job. She can help out with yard work, or housework. Part of being 18 is earning the right for a privlage of going out with friends, etc. Too many kids have been carried for so long then either dumped on their butt expected to be an adult, or never really been given structure. She sounds like she needs structure. At the end of the month if she has not enrolled or goten a job (and doesn't seem to take inititave). Then she is out of the house. If she is job hunting and nothing happens then extend the prob. She should help out around the house at least, teach her to cook on w/e G.L!
    1nglmom3

    Answer by 1nglmom3 at 5:09 AM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • im so glad youput that extra stuff about the bashing because i cant stand that or getting off topic i guess you've made the rules already now if she continue to break them show her the door because you're being nice in letting her stay i'll cut out all the extra freebies out
    1LovelyAngel

    Answer by 1LovelyAngel at 5:07 AM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • Hmm, well, has she broken any rules yet? How long has she been living there? She's not your child, you don't punish kids that aren't yours unless you're raising them... and she's an adult. If she's being a bum, tell her so.. and tell her to do something about it. Although you really can't make do anything but move out. If she cussed in front of my kid, I would ask her to watch her mouth around my LO, same as I would do for a visiting adult.
    It's a good thing you're doing. A lot of people have no where to go when they hit 18 and are suddenly out in the world. I would say, enjoy having another woman around, and when/if she steps outta line, show her where the door is. If she can't follow simple rules, then she doesn't have much hope for a future.
    MomtoElliett

    Answer by MomtoElliett at 6:16 AM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • Well she's an adult. So I'm not sure if you can inforce something on her. If she breaks the rules ground her. She's living under your roof. She needs to obide by your rules. Other wise move out.
    elly25

    Answer by elly25 at 7:01 PM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • Explain to her that you're not her mother, she's an adult & needs to start acting like one. Start charging her rent (if you're super nice put it in a savings account to give back to her if she does well & needs $ for her own place or a downpayment on a car) & make her be responsible for her food, electric, etc. For the swearing I'd get a swear jar she has to put a dollar into every time she says a bad word inside the house. Agree w/ school & a job, time to suck it up & work for what she gets in life. End her free ride. Its not about punishing her, way too late for that, its about making her accountable for her actions.
    Nyx7

    Answer by Nyx7 at 9:03 AM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • If she isn't related to you by blood - you are toeing a very fine line of what you can and cannot do. If she has not graduated from HS, tell her she must complete either her HS Diploma or her GED and after that must be enrolled in either the local community college or working full time. She's using your food, electricity, water, phone, internet etc. and should contribute to the household.
    You and your husband must sit down and give her a concrete set of rules. If she doesn't follow them, then she must move out.
    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 9:23 AM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • A couple of years ago my nephew (age 18) had moved in with us. The rules were very similar to yours. Because he wasn't interested in going to college, I told him that he had to get a job...he also had to help around the house. If we're all living there, we're all helping to keep it in order. He found a job as a welder, making good money and working full time. At that time, he started to slip with helping around the house. He claimed that he was tired from work, and didn't have time with his schedule. So I simply reminded him that my husband and I both work full time also, yet we can't just stop taking care of the house. Eventually I created a chore-chart, just like you would use with a small child. He didn't like it, but it worked.
    My final straw was when he got a girlfriend, and she got pregnant....he was having her over when I was at work. He broke a major rule and didn't like my opinion, so he chose to move out.
    mama2br00ke

    Answer by mama2br00ke at 1:11 PM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • She's 18 years old and if she breaks the rules of the house, then there are consequences that she has to suffer. At 18 there's really no punishment that you can give her but you can be upfront with her and explain to her that she either has to do what needs to be done or she has to get another place to live...And one more thing, get her off your couch everyday. She needs to be out searching for a job 8 hours a day until she gets one...
    treasured_hope

    Answer by treasured_hope at 1:10 PM on Jul. 23, 2010

  • Goo for you for helping first. Mom I would talk to her on a Womans level first of all. lso saying the door will be locked at 10:30pm doesnt help at all. First thats kind of early. Ask her what does she think you should do with her? Get her opinion. Find out whos she hngin out with & wheres she at too. Dont let her drive a car. She should be in school for sure too
    Mommyruff

    Answer by Mommyruff at 9:29 PM on Aug. 5, 2010

  • you alreayd gave her the rules so thats good now if she doesnt fallow them or respect them then i think you should tell her thats its time for her to move out. that you are not going to tolerate her breaking the rules or making new ones. if she does this often then tell her to move out
    Alejandra10

    Answer by Alejandra10 at 10:29 PM on Aug. 25, 2010