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Why do I feel guilty when I don't give them things?

I did it again. I'm not sure if it's my fault or not.

I was on the phone, the kids wanted to play on dad's computer and I felt guilty so I gave in and said yes.

Dad said he doesn't want them in the living room because he is worried about the flat screen tv. We had a close call when a kid threw a cup and got water on it. This am I get up and they are walking around in the living room with bowls of cereal.

He doesn't want them on his computer because we had to have it repaired after a child dumped water over it. I got up and saw a child on the computer with a water cup on the edge of the computer desk.

He said he wants rules, but doesn't enforce them. Then, because I know the kids only understand black and white rules feel guilty and give in. I also feel guilty because I know kids there age never need these rules. Continues.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous5

Asked by Anonymous5 at 9:08 AM on Jul. 21, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 9 (318 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • I feel like a bad mother and very guilty when I don't give them permission to do things all kids there age does then I also feel bad making them follow a rule when dad doesn't. I mean don't most kids get tv and computer? Don't all kids use markers and color? When I let them something gets ruined. But I still feel guilty if I take it away. We did before, for months they kept loosing those things. It got to the point they literally had nothing to do but sit for 6 months. I could keep doing it.

    How do you let them be normal kids but not have expensive things broken and how do you get over the guilt?

    My kids are 5yr, 7yr and 12 yr
    Anonymous5

    Comment by Anonymous5 (original poster) at 9:09 AM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • Let them play w/ the messy things outside. They have markers that use water & only color on the specific pages they come w/. Pick rules you're both going to enforce, the no water by the tv or computer makes sense to me, but they should be alllowed to use them. Teach them that they have to respect things & be careful w/ others property. Remind them of a time when something they really liked got broken & how they felt about it. Teach them to use things w/ out breaking them, its a privildge to get to, not a right or something to sneak. Turn it into a reward instead of a negative thing.
    Nyx7

    Answer by Nyx7 at 9:14 AM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • We have a 13, 7 and 6 yr old... They have rules, certain areas they are permitted to eat, color, paint, etc.. It's NOT the living room or their bedrooms. Stop feeling guilty, they are learning boundaries. You are teaching them that it's okay to ruin things, because you aren't an active parent, they are going to take full advantage of it. Feeling guilty is part of being a good parent. If you didn't then you wouldn't care what they do. You're raising them to be productive, and respectful people, if you don't get a handle on it now it's going to make them even worse. They will grow up, not respect anyone, and the problems just get bigger... Be an active parent, get up before they do so they don't have the ability to eat on their own etc. Tell your Husband that he has to back you up, and help raise the children. GL
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 9:16 AM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • Decide with your husband what is allowed and what isn't. Then both of you enforece it. All kids need guideance to know what is allowed. Stop feeling guilty. And let them have the markers, coloring books, etc at a table. Tell them it is to be used only there and when you bring them out. How about a chalkboard where they can draw whatever they want? Everyone can be happy with real guidance from you and your husband.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 9:45 AM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • Every child needs rules and they need them enforced. You husband doesn't want to kids in the living room near the TV or on his computer, then lay down the law and tell the kids that they are not allowed on them and stick to your guns. Have them eat at the table only. Cups can be lidded only (I've seen some households where even adults must use cups with lids).
    If you don't start enforcing the rules they are going to continue to walk all over you. This isn't giving them things (Your opening line) - it is setting structure that will guide them the rest of their lives. You don't want them to ruin your things, you don't want them to ruin their things (you spend good money on them), you don't want them to ruin OTHER PEOPLES things!!! Sit down with your husband and come up with rules and consequences for breaking the rules and then set the kids down and give them the rules and consequences. Be firm stick to your guns
    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 9:54 AM on Jul. 21, 2010

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