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How do you get your 17 year old child to be more responsible for thier college responsibilities...all his responsibilities?

 
shellvas33

Asked by shellvas33 at 10:09 AM on Jul. 21, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 1 (3 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • Set him up with a plan and accountability, and make sure he agrees to it too. I would suggest making a step by step plan. For example, the first 2 months he is required to pay for his own phone and car expenses (gas, payments, insurance), while at the same time saving a certian percentage of his expenses for college. Make sure spending money is factored into the budget. You can come up with a plan that fits his college schedule, and his maturity level. Not all kids are ready for the safety net to be removed right away. Show him the benifits of the plan, and don't get mad or make him feel like a failure if he fails on occasion. Let him fail AND reap the consequences. Teens often (but not always) do not know what consequences are unless they are allowed to experience them.

    squish

    Answer by squish at 3:48 PM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • You let them fail. You let them suffer the consequences of their own actions. You don't jump in to save them or right their wrongs. You allow them to be wholely responsible and accountable for their own choices.
    justnancyb

    Answer by justnancyb at 10:22 AM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • Well, I am 17 and I am moved out and very responsible. My Brother in lawis 17 and is immature and does nothing because he has been babied. Whatever you do make sure that you dont spoil your teenager because they are not a child, they are a year away from being a legal adult. You will do them no favors by letting them not do chores or letting them get bad grades. Explain what will happen when they are on thier own and they act like that.

    Tell them that if they cant handle basic maturity then you will have to step it up a notch to start showing them how it will be in the real world. Make them but thier own shampoo or movie ticket or dinner by doing chores for you to earn money.
    amber710

    Answer by amber710 at 11:47 AM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • Remember he's 17 years old. He's not an adult and he still needs directing. Some people think that kids learn on thier own but not in all cases...some teens need that directing in their lives and as parents we get frustrated but we also look at solutions...We can't expect our children to know everthing.

    When my son was applying to different colleges, having deadlines, etc., I had to teach him how to stay on top of things. He had a planner with all the deadline dates etc...if he filled things out on time or not, it was strictly on him but he had to the tools necessary to work with...My son is now 18 and finished his first year at State. He's maturing well but sometimes I have to get on him about certain things. He has a job and his own car but those little things in life still must be taught to him. Just because he's 18 he's still wet behind the ears...
    treasured_hope

    Answer by treasured_hope at 12:57 PM on Jul. 23, 2010

  • Talk about it,help them set their goals, and then help them implement it. This is a big step in their lives. You need to help motivate the whole process in the right direction.
    CafeMochaMom1

    Answer by CafeMochaMom1 at 10:14 AM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • This has been a real challenge for me.

    shellvas33

    Comment by shellvas33 (original poster) at 10:28 AM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • This is something you work on long before they reach that age.
    older

    Answer by older at 10:42 AM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • amber, that is a great answer. I have not spoiled him, always made him work for most of the things he wanted. Making him cut grass and clean house for a couple of bucks, making him pay for movie tickets and cloths. Even showed him what happens to people when they try to avoid responsibilities. Still I see that sometime he tries but so far no job...no eagerness to find one.

    shellvas33

    Comment by shellvas33 (original poster) at 3:41 PM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • great idea, budget sounds good. thank you everyone.
    shellvas33

    Comment by shellvas33 (original poster) at 8:38 AM on Jul. 22, 2010