Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

What if he doesn't "finish"? adult content

So DH and I have been TTC for 2 1/2 years now. The timing is off usually because he is only home for 1-2 days a week. (he drives a truck) However I have gotten pregnant twice and it resulted in miscarriages. The big issue is that when we do have sex, he doesn't always "finish". Okay, he usually doesn't. I have tried to tell myself it is no big deal, and he says it isn't about me or anything, but it still hurts. I literally have to fight tears sometimes because IDK how we will ever have another baby if he doesn't cum the few times we get to have sex in the month.
Any ideas, suggestions, on how to handle this or break him out of it?? Help Ladies, plz.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:04 AM on Jul. 21, 2010 in Trying to Conceive

Answers (15)
  • have you tried just fooling around until he's 'almost' there? And then actualy having sex?

    Answer by anabele at 11:06 AM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • He may need medical intervention. Like certain herbs and supplements to help.

    Answer by BradenIsMySon at 11:08 AM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • My SO told me when he and his ex were trying for their 2nd child he had a hard time because it felt like a job and kind of gave him performance anxiety. Maybe your DH is experiencing something similar?

    Answer by sk_tennyson at 11:10 AM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • Does he finish when he masturbates? If so have him masturbate into a cup maybe?

    Answer by yezay at 11:11 AM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • Does he know the primary reason for having sex it to get you pregnant... maybe its a form of stage fright. Maybe its too much pressure.

    Answer by twinmama2009 at 11:13 AM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • PLEASE dont take this too harshly but are you POSITIVE he is not having an affair with another woman? You said he wasnt home hardly ever and it is a big red flag....If you say yes you are POSITIVE he is only with you, then maybe deep down he doesnt want to concieve? Men have a very hard time telling us how they really feel because they are afraid of hurting our feelings. I dont know the background of your marriage and I dont want to put thoughts into your head so please take my comments as someone with a caring heart.

    Answer by Dalesjrsbabe at 11:14 AM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • i think he might need to see a dr honey. there are many physical issues that can cause this for a man.

    Answer by sati769leigh at 11:16 AM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • Maybe he is having preformance issues. Sometimes when you have been trying for awhile sex becomes a job (like other posters have said) rather than it being about you two. Try making the sex about you two rather than just having a baby. I would recommend the DVD Extrodinary Sex. Watch it with your DH, take it seriously (its kind of corny), and practice what it teaches, and I promise you that you and your DH will not regret it and it will make sex about you two again and not just about having a baby.

    Answer by saysha100687 at 11:19 AM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • The first thing that comes to my mind is performance anxiety related to ttc. My dh really hated having to 'perform on demand.' We were ttc for awhile and it felt like a chore or a duty. There were times that he couldn't finish, partly because he wasn't in the mood to start with, and partly because of the 'pressure' of having so much riding on his ability to perform (particularly when I was on clomid.) Two things that helped with us were me not telling him 'we have to do it today because I'm fertile' and trying to make it at least appear spontaneous, and having a LOT of foreplay so that he was close by the time we actually began to have sex. It's also possible that there are physical issues, but I would try to make it more relaxed first and see if that helps.

    Answer by Freela at 11:20 AM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • I would have him see a doctor about it.
    Only 3 things come to mind when a man can't "finish"
    1.He has recently masterbated before having sex
    2.Medical Condition
    3.Having an affair and has recently had sex.

    I have a truck driver man I do understand about him not being home often and you guys have a limited amount of time to try to concieve..and the timeing could be off and everything. I would really ask him to see a doctor..just to make sure everything is okay. Hopefully he agrees with ya..I know how hard t can be to get a man to go to a doctor!
    good luck

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 11:21 AM on Jul. 21, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.