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How do I help my ex-husband get over me - I lied, cheated and emotionally abused him...

To be honest, I made his life hell. I lied, cheated, manipulated and emotionally abused the hell outta this man. I was young and stupid and had no idea how to have a relationship, let alone a marriage. I feel an immense about of guilt and regret, it haunts me everyday. My ex and I have remained friends, but he is also friends with my mother. He tells my mother that he loves me, misses me, etc. I need him to move on, i'm tired of hurting him. We haven't been together in 2 years... what can I do?

Please, no bashing, I realize what i've done and I have tried to let my ex know how truely stupid I was and how sorry I am...

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:22 AM on Jul. 21, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • I've been there.He was my highschool sweetheart.We lived together for 2 years after highschool and I left him...Ijust didnt feel that I was in love with him.He had a really hard time with it, I tried "helping" him to move on but heloing him only gave him the idea that there was still a chance between us. As much as it hurt me, I just cut him off for a little over a year. I wouldnt speak to him or see him. He needed his time to get mad at me and go through the grieving process. I changed my phone number, I moved, everythign. But we didnt have children together that makes a difference.Anyway...After about a little over a year, we ran into eachother. He seemed so much happier, he had truly let go enough to live his life. To this day...13 years LATER we are practically best friends. He has a girlfriend and hes having his 1st baby and I am so happy for him, he deserves to be happy. Good Luck :)

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 11:26 AM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • You don't. Not really. You need to back away and allow him to heal on his own. He doesn't need you to help process. You're right, you need to move on and let him be.

    Answer by justnancyb at 11:28 AM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • his emotionall well being now that youare divorced is not your responsability. its his.

    Answer by sati769leigh at 11:33 AM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • I agree. YOu need to tell him that you fucked up but taht it isnt fair for him to live the rest of his life this way. He deserves to be happy and when he is around you he isnt happy

    Answer by JacyB at 11:43 AM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • People can only heal themselves, ther is not much you can do. He has to make the decision to heal & let go of the past. HE is the one holding onto it, HE is the one who is making it so difficult on himself. Yes, you screwed up...but he has to man up & get over it. There is nothing you can do to speed his healing process, sorry!

    Answer by samurai_chica at 12:00 PM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • Do you still love him? You never said you didn't.
    It could be that he still takes his vows seriously, and loves you unconditionally. It you feel you don't deserve that kind of love, you are right, but honestly, who does? If he wants to forgive you and reconcile, what is preventing you from that? It sounds like he is a man of great character, and you sound like you have matured a lot and are a new person. If YOU are the one getting in the way or what could be an amazing relationship, ask yourself why?
    Another thing to consider is this: he knows you well. He knows your good and your bad, yet he still chooses to love and value you. You matter to him. Your marriage matters to him.
    I just don't think this is worth throwing away. Every relationship is going to have problems, whether big or small. Having someone able to love and forgive you through that is priceless.

    Answer by squish at 12:51 PM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • Oh, and I forgot to add, FORGIVE YOURSELF.

    And accept his forgiveness.

    Don't let your mistakes define you.

    Answer by squish at 12:52 PM on Jul. 21, 2010

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