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3 Bumps

Am I being selfish??

I think I want a divorce.

I simply don't want to be married. He doesn't make me happy, we don't respect each other, I've cheated emotionally and he talks about girls from his work all the time.

But when I think about getting a divorce I don't want to..he's like my best friend..or a really close brother..I don't want to lose that, but we are not good together as a married couple, he knows this, I know this.

But what will I tell my son when he's older and asks why we aren't together. What will I say? He will hate me forever.

I know staying in a relationship just because you have a child together is not the way to go. I feel selfish and like a bad mother.

Is it better for our son for us to stay married and be best friends or go our separate ways?


Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:31 PM on Jul. 21, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • I would say if you don't feel happy in your marriage..then divorce is the answer. It would be harder on the child if you stay together unhappy then if you split up and be happy.
    SuperrMommyy

    Answer by SuperrMommyy at 12:32 PM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • You made a promise for better or worse. You should at least try to work through this.
    lovinangels

    Answer by lovinangels at 12:32 PM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • I feel the same way with my DH except he really wants to be married. I am staying because I am not miserable...I am just not happy.
    ashisamom

    Answer by ashisamom at 12:33 PM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • doesnt sound like either of you can be bothered doing the work it takes to be married.
    sati769leigh

    Answer by sati769leigh at 12:34 PM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • I think you're amazingly wise, you're not selfish.

    Like you said, it's not right to stay in it for the kids. They say that children would rather be from a broken marriage than a broken home. (broken home in the sense that they live with parent's that don't want to be together, fights n such)

    If needed and if you're really worried about your child being affected... you can always see a counselor to help you break the news, and explain things in the best way possible so your child understands.

    Good luck, and I hope everything works out for the best.
    Skepticchick

    Answer by Skepticchick at 12:37 PM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • Have you tried everything you can to make your marriage work? Like, trying to remember why you married in the first place. Spend some time together getting to know eachother all over again. Do something spontaneous and fun. It doesnt sound to me like it is the absolute end.
    No, I dont think married couples should stay together just for the kids.
    But I would try what I could to find that magic..in eachother. Make some dates with eachother. Meet up at a restaraunt..like its your first date.
    I guess what I am saying is, before you end it all...try all you can. People go through ruts. People change...try to change together rather than apart.

    Good Luck..whichever path you choose :)
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 12:37 PM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • Only you and your husband can answer this. You should go to counseling, whether you plan to stay together or not, get an objective view and someone to help you figure out what to do and what will be the best way to take care of your child if you do divorce.
    KTMOM

    Answer by KTMOM at 12:40 PM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • I guess I should give the back story a little.

    I'm 20, he's 19. I found out I was pregnant while we were broken up and I was 17. He moved in with me and my mom, My mom started talking to us about getting married and at the time that is what we wanted,6 days later we were married, we were only thinking about the baby and what would be best for him. He is now 20 months old.

    We have been married for 1 year and 9 months. We have seen a counselor before.


    I feel bad because I don't want to be married anymore. i didnt think it through when we got married, I always think things will get better but I'm running out of time, our son is getting older and is seeing us fight and yell at eachother. I hate that. That is the last thing I want.
    trl30

    Answer by trl30 at 12:45 PM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • I think marriage is a promise. The time to decide that you don't really like someone is when you're dating. In all honesty it sounds like a "grass is greener on the otherside" issue. You think you'd be happier with someone else. Unfortunately, the grass is always greener on the other side and chances are, when you get there, you'll still feel like something better might be coming along.

    If you're not fighting constantly you should try and stick it out a little longer. Considering your marriage could last a lifetime, a few months, or even a year of dissatisfaction is only a drop in the bucket.
    UpSheRises

    Answer by UpSheRises at 12:45 PM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • I think you should try counseling first. Many couples have ups and downs. You just have to find out how to get through them together. Plus it sounds like you still want to have him in your life.
    MsHouseWife

    Answer by MsHouseWife at 12:46 PM on Jul. 21, 2010

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