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Is it bad that I kinda don't want my Uncle to be released from prison??

Okay, so here is the deal. My Uncle (who is really more like a Dad to me) has spent the last 10 years in prison for a L&L/w a minor. He is up for parole soon and I am starting to wonder if I want for him to be released. He isn't really a bad person; he made a mistake and paid his time. I am essentially a single mom when my husband is working (which is 6 days a week out of town). Due to parole restrictions, he would not be allowed to even see my kids for the first 6 months. Then he has to be supervised until his parole is done and I am the only person here that can get him to appointments and classes. I will do what I can when I need to and that isn't the issue. Is it wrong for me to feel this way?

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Asked by cjzmom at 3:05 PM on Jul. 21, 2010 in Relationships

Level 6 (112 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • Nope, I don't think it's wrong for you to feel that way at all.

    Answer by LovingSAHMommy at 3:07 PM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • It seems perfectly reasonable thinking to me.

    Answer by Kiwismommy19 at 3:07 PM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • No, you can't help how you feel. He did spend the last 10 years in prison for this, so of course now that he may be getting out, you have mixed feelings about it. There's nothing wrong with that. 10 years is a long time, so maybe there is more to it then you know?

    Answer by Raine2001 at 3:08 PM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • what is an L&L with a minor?

    and how young a minor was it?


    Answer by sahlady at 3:10 PM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • OHHHH....... I misread. I thought you WANTED him out. Nah Im with you. I would NOT want to drive anyone around who was convinced of something bad (still dont know what an L&L is) with a minor. And it is very hard for me to understand himnot  being a "bad person" if he was convicted of a crime against a minor. 


    *disclaimer... a 19 yr old who gets convicted of having sex with a 17 yr old may not be a bad guy, stupid but not bad.  But you Uncle... well that sounds like an older man.


    Answer by sahlady at 3:14 PM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • You can't help how you feel, and I don't necessarily think you're wrong in your thinking either. However, keep in mind that he has served his time (and 10 years is a LONG time), and he may not be the same person he was when he first went to prison. He may really need you, and this is your chance to give someone another chance, help him out at the time he needs it most, and generally be a good person.

    You may want to tell him a little bit about the discomfort you're feeling, and let him know that you're still going to help him but the whole thing kinda messes up your head. Hopefully he will understand if you're a little stand-offish at the beginning.

    Answer by WomanWitty at 3:18 PM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • Honestly, you may not be the best person to help in this situation. I don't know what L&L means, but I am assuming it is something sexual?
    Anyway, what you can do to help is maybe see if there are any programs in your area that specifically help the released reintergrate back into society. You can get him a bus schedule, or find him a job in a factory or some other similar line of work. Those are things that you can do, but driving him places??? I think you need to keep your distance and put your children first. You can set him up so that he can find his own way, but is is his responisibility to follow through.

    How would the victim feel knowing that you might have your children around him? How does your husband feel? Would you feel the same way if he was not your Uncle, just some random guy? I do not think that you should feel sorry for him, or let your guard down with your own children though.

    Answer by squish at 3:19 PM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • firsy of all....L&L is lewd & lascivious conduct...the victim was 14 at the time. it was a "consensual" relationship, but legally a 14 year old cannot consent. My uncle did not initiate the contact, but he didnt stop it either. There was no force involved. I dont feel sorry for my uncle, but he can never be alone with my kids. My husband agrees with this and there are programs that we are all required to complete. My uncle for his post release. and my gramma and I as "chaperones". I think all of this is just starting to finally sink in and now its getting to me. He and my gramma are so convinced that he will get parole and now im wondering what will happen if he doesnt get it...suicide? depression?..idk..its all so gramma and I are the only ones in town for him. No one else is closer than 1000 miles away...

    Comment by cjzmom (original poster) at 4:59 PM on Jul. 21, 2010

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