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2 Bumps

When a couple is separated, does one see other people??

My SO and I are separating because we dont get along, always fighting and its not good for the kids. The thing is, he wants to see other people and I dont agree. How are WE supposed to work, if superfluous people are in the mix? Also, how long usually is a separation. How does one actually work at it? I'm soooo confused....

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Asked by Anonymous at 3:27 PM on Jul. 21, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • All I have to say is good luck. I am in the same situation and he is fucking a stripper so, just good luck......

    Answer by Peekalou at 3:31 PM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • IF he wants to see other people already, he may not be intrested anymore. it takes two people to work on a relationship, i am going through this with my boyfriend right now, he is not my sons father, so it takes a little more effort. Know one can say exacty how long a separation should be, its what feels right to you and him. If you feel that its not going to work then thats a decision that you have to come up with. He might see other people and realize that he loves you and wants to work things out, or he me realize that he doesnt. if he doesnt want to work it out, it will hurt, but you are a stong woman and you dont need a man to be a good mother.
    good luck

    Answer by koandme09 at 3:32 PM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • I think it depends on the couple and is something you need to get worked out YESTERDAY. We did not see other people and were separated a few months. We have been happily married ever since which was about 5 years ago.

    Answer by kc932 at 3:33 PM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • Ummm he's pretty much telling you what he wants. As much as it hurts... you need to just fall back. If it was meant to be it will no matter what... It's not the people in the mix that will make it not work... but if he DOESN'T want to be with you.. then there's nothing you can do. I wish you all the best. ((HUGS))

    Answer by LyTe684 at 3:36 PM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • Normally people separate to work on their relationship separately. If he wants to start dating this isn't a separation, you've broken up. I know one married couple that separated for a year and ended up back together. They went to counseling, and did not date other people. Most of the people I know who separate stay separate.

    Answer by Scuba at 3:37 PM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • Discuss these rules...there's a lot to work out with separation. Are you 2 trying to get back together? Does he understand that if he sees other ppl, you can too? What's the purpose of the separation? Are you both going to continue a romantic relationship or cut off most communication? I agree that if he already wants to see other people, then that's probably a factor in him wanting the separation. You must discuss the ground rules before you do anything. I stayed in a funky and screwed up limbo w my XH for nearly a year because communication was foggy w us, not to mention I had hoped if I did or didn't do certain things that we would get back together. Keep communication clear and get familiar to what you want out of the deal.

    Answer by nappeal at 3:38 PM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • I agree with LyTe684. If he is interested in seeing others ~ then it seems like he is telling you he wants to move on ~ which is hard for you I'm sure. A quote came to mind, I hope you don't mind me sharing it "Don't make someone a priority if they only make you an option." Hope it all works out for you.

    Answer by 7blessings at 3:49 PM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • That is a shame for you and the kids, all the way around. The most important thing, if you are separated, is to be legally separated (documents filed with the court) so you are not responsible for any debt your spouse may incur.

    Answer by tasches at 3:57 PM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • If the idea was to seperate and try to work things out, seeing other people is crazy. Like you said, you can't work things out if you throw extra people into the situation. If this seperation is a seperate while working out things to prepare for divorce type thing, then I don't think it matters.

    Answer by soccerchik8287 at 4:07 PM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • Have to set rules to make sure you are both on the same page and so no one gets hurt.

    Answer by MsHouseWife at 4:33 PM on Jul. 21, 2010

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