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Am I wrong here?

My dh has a few women co-workers that like to openly flirt with him. I used to work at this place years ago (it's where my dh and I 1st met) so I know all about these women and their lack of respect for married men. Anyways, I appreciate that my husband tells me what they say and do, to me it's better than if he hides it. I am however starting to get pissed off. We actually had an argument today and I thought I'd post here and see if you all think I'm wrong for feeling this way..

I'm angry, not at the women, but at my husband. Okay, I take that back...I do despise the women for what they're doing deep down, but it ultimately is my dh's problem here IMO. Anyways, these chicks are telling him that he should find a new wife and start a "better" family with "better" kids and he's not saying anything back!! He refuses to stand up for me, saying that he doesn't want drama in the work place. So every day he's friendly with these

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-xoxo-

Asked by -xoxo- at 4:03 PM on Jul. 21, 2010 in Relationships

Level 9 (226 Credits)
Answers (21)
  • CONT: women and just talks to them normally. Today one of them invited him to her b-day party and he didn't tell her no! He told me about it right away and said that he won't be going, but that he just couldn't tell her that to her face.

    So, I'm upset with him. He doesn't have to yell at these people, he could calmly and maturely tell them that they're being inappropriate and that he wants them to stop. Yes, it's quite whorish what they're doing, but him not standing up for me and the kids is pretty sick and wrong IMO. His lack of a back bone eats at me, even though I know he won't cheat and comes home to me every night. He feels that the fault is on the women 100% and that they shouldn't approach him. I feel that while they are wrong, he should be standing up for the people he cares about. He even offered one of them our old baby clothes...he's such a pushover. He says he doesn't want to be perceived as a jerk, but I
    -xoxo-

    Comment by -xoxo- (original poster) at 4:04 PM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • CONT: wish he'd just tell them off. What do YOU think?
    -xoxo-

    Comment by -xoxo- (original poster) at 4:04 PM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • i agree with you
    mywonderyears

    Answer by mywonderyears at 4:06 PM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • I do think he should say something but women with attitudes like that aren't likely to stop easily. Comments like, "Get a new wife" really lead me to believe he should cease any sort of conversation with these women. Just trouble!
    cmariemcd

    Answer by cmariemcd at 4:07 PM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • Here's my thoughts, how I would feel and be thinking.

    My husband has and would have NO control over these women, what they say, what they do..etc. BUT he has FULL and total control over himself and how he responds to them. I would hope, want and expect my husband to shut them down quickly. As diplomatically as possible since it is in the work place. But I would want him to make it clear, that these types of conversations are a no-go, will no longer happen or he would be filing a complaint with HR , due to harrassment and causing his work environment to be disrupted. I would expect, want & hope, that he make it clear to these women that they are to speak to him about work, work related issues ONLY, nothing more. They are at work, there is no reason for them to be discussing anything else. Much less his personal life & marriage/family.

    I would discuss this with him. Tell him the above. And see what he did from there. con
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 4:12 PM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • One thing I have learned over the years, in terms of dealing with these types of situations is this. A man just trying to be the "nice guy" and not really be mean or blunt. Can be taken as encouragement, or that what is being said is "Ok" by some women. Some women (and men to.. to be totally honest) need to be wacked in the head by the blunt hammer in order to really get the point. And trying to be subtle, polite, with people like that does not work.

    Sounds like this is a case and time, when the blunt hammer needs to be brought into the situation.
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 4:13 PM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • You're reading my mind pixietrix, seriously. I have thought and said, almost word for word, everything you just typed out. The man doesn't get it...I can't wrap my mind around it. He is so afraid of drama in the work place and of hurting their feelings, I'll never understand it. He said that he is basically telling them that he's not interested by coming home to me every night and by not going to their b-day parties etc. I will never get the way that man thinks...

    -xoxo-

    Comment by -xoxo- (original poster) at 4:17 PM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • If he doesnt want to be percieved as a jerk...how does he think it makes YOU percieve him.
    Yeah, I'd be pissed off about it, too. And theres no way some chic who flirted with my dh at his job would get my baby clothes.
    Maybe he enjoys getting flirted with..making him feel like..he's still got it or something, maybe thats why he doesnt say anythign to make them stop.
    I guess its good that he tells you everything that goes on..hiding it would be worse. But you are right..he needs to say SOMETHING...telling him that he needs a better wife and better kids..that is crossing way over the line. He shoul dhave said something right then and there about that.
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 4:17 PM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • He's caught between a rock and a hard place in his mind. Really. The honest truth, if he were to be totally honest with himself and you. Is that he likes the attention, the flirting makes him feel all puffed up and like "the man" around there, but at the same time, part of him may very well feel it goes to far. So if he puts his foot down, then he loses that attention, those strokes that puff him up and make him feel good. He wants the attention, but he doesn't want it to go "too far".. He likes the carrots being dangled and the ego strokes, he just doesn't want to take the bait. Does that make sense?

    I've been there before many years ago with my husband. He learned the hard way, that being the nice guy because you dig the ego strokes. Bites you in the ass eventually. One way or another.. He knows now, that stuff like this has to be shut down immediately. Regardless of anyone's feelings.
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 4:24 PM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • I guess my next question is: How serious is this? Should I let it bother me this bad or not? I do tend to get worked up a lot, so if I'm overreacting, feel free to let me know lol.

    -xoxo-

    Comment by -xoxo- (original poster) at 4:31 PM on Jul. 21, 2010

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