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What is the hardest thing in your relationship you've had to forgive? And how or what helped you get over/through it?

My s/o cheated on me mutiple times in a months vacation to his homestate. In the meantime I was moving into his place at the same time. Everything went fine and just before finding out I was pregnant with his son, I'd found out about his behavior (of the cheating) a few months after that due to the economy he had to leave state for work, so my last trimester he was a few states away. I was home "pregnant = fat & insecure" & due to his prior behavior was pretty insecure & "put him thro a lot" when it comes to a "guiltrip" I told him I had a "right" to be insecure. He said he deserved more respect & left me 4 days before our son was born. Didn't even come to see our child till 3 weeks after he was born! The night my baby was born he took the time he'd already planned on taking off for his birth instead for a personal vacation & was partying it up that night. Now, we are back together how do I forgive though?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:42 PM on Jul. 21, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • Sorry. Hope you realize you deserve better. (((HUGS)))
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 6:46 PM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • My DH left me when I was pregnant with our first DD (we weren't married) for another woman. He came back because I begged him too about two weeks before she was born. Looking back it was stupid of me to do. But that was 8 years ago and everything has been good since. He didn't cheat...he left first.
    ashisamom

    Answer by ashisamom at 7:08 PM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • you took him back?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:52 PM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • ummm..he lied to his ex and i at the same time, he was trying to leave her but didnt want to hurt her (she tried to comit suicide which freaked him out)...but he slept with her like 4 times after we had been together! But when we seriously started dating he told her everything, they are still friends! However once i got the whole truth it was a big pill to swallow, i always knew but the fact he wouldnt leave her alone completely ALWAYS pisses me off...i dont care if they were best friends. its hard to forgive he was willing to lose us over a friendship. and to this day he still regrets how stupid he was....
    sweetstkissez22

    Answer by sweetstkissez22 at 8:30 PM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • although part of me understands your desire to forgive, it doesn't sound like this relationship is very positive or healthy... basically it sounds like you are expected to put up with whatever BS he wants to send your way and that you are made out to be the bad person if you call him on unacceptable behavior. really, is it worth it? you will figure that out... i hope that you find happiness whatever you decide.

    when my daughter was induced early, we were in the middle of moving and staying with my parents. he was supposed to be back and forth taking care of the move, but i found out later he was partying and slept with a girl across the street. because of the fact that when i got pregnant i had been with someone else (we were not committed to each other til later) i let it slide. there were other signs about the relationship though so i can't say it all worked out because i forgave... some worse things happened after...
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 8:43 PM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • A drunken, one night Stand. It was hard, and it did take time and prayer. But together we worked through it. We went to counsling both together and alone, and DH made some big changes. There were times I didnt think we would make it, but now, 4 years later I can say we are 110% stronger than we were, and I do trust him again.
    RheaF

    Answer by RheaF at 9:08 PM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • it was hard for me to forgive my husband for looking at porn continuously. He would promise over and over again that he wouldnt look and that he didnt like it, then I'd find out he was, and even when I knew, he'd still lie about it.
    soccerchik8287

    Answer by soccerchik8287 at 9:27 PM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • Wow.......Mine is that he didn't appreciate me and had me doing all the housework but we talked it through and he helps a lot now. ...sounds like I'm lucky though, lol.
    worriedmommy600

    Answer by worriedmommy600 at 9:30 PM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • I would say the best way to forgive him is to NOT forgive him. I'm sorry but men who cheat- cheat. The only difference is it can be days, months, years before they cheat again- but I have never heard of one man only cheating once in a relationship (or with only one woman). This is a really unfortunate situation and I deeply wish you the best of luck, but I wouldn't stay with someone like that even if they begged me- even if they are the father of my child, that just makes it worse (worse that he still disrespects you and your kid like that). Of course I'm sure it would be very difficult to leave, I'm not saying it's easy but unless you do marriage counseling or something, he might never change.
    lexi8622

    Answer by lexi8622 at 10:13 PM on Jul. 21, 2010

  • I could forgive him only by getting thye hell away from him and never looking back. I was insecure and unhappy the whole time I was with my ex, but as soon as I found the strength to leave, I forgave him and we are friends now. Good luck, you do not deserve to be treated like that.
    JackieGirl007

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 12:56 AM on Jul. 22, 2010

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