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4 Bumps

What do I do?! (trust issue)

Alright, it's kind of long and complicated to explain. Basically I concieved from a one night stand, and didn't find out he was the father of my child until last March. Imediately he stepped up, being very involved and we moved in together a few months later since things were going so well with us and we wanted to be a family.

Here's the drama, we do have a few issues (mostly about sex) that have come up since we did kind of rush into this relationship. We both also have horrific experiences with our exes- his ex cheated on him and he says ruined part of his life- that relationship ended over a year ago. I accidentally saw his email, one from her saying how she still loves him. Then I go into his old pictures just to see and he still has an album with her name on it. There's few pix and none of which I mind- except a professional one where they are both naked. Should I be worried or am I paranoid?

 
lexi8622

Asked by lexi8622 at 12:18 AM on Jul. 22, 2010 in Relationships

Level 17 (3,640 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • Okay hon. FIrst of all....think about your guy. Has he given you any indication that he wants to be with her other than a picture you found of them? Jumping to conclusions will add doubt to any relationship and you could be risking what you have together. Now honesty will pull you out. You came by it by mistake. Curiosity led you to the picture and you are now concerned. If he stepped up for you by being a father to your baby, then he should also want to reassure you that your relationship is solid. That sex issue? Yep have it with my own husband. He wants it ALL the time, I could care less. (Married 7 years) Don't feel guilty that your sex life isn't what it should be. You are both two different personalities. You didn't grow up believing the same beliefs. You need time to adjust to life with each other and the baby. It takes time. It takes compromise, and it takes communication. Be honest with him and share your concerns.
    truetigress

    Answer by truetigress at 3:01 AM on Jul. 22, 2010

  • Well, considering how the relationship started off, I can understand why there would be some trust issues here. It doesn't sound impossible to fix though. Try talking to him and ask him about the pictures. Don't accuse him of anything or jump to conclusions, just tell him you came across the pictures and it made you feel hurt and uncomfortable, and that maybe he can ease your mind by explaining why he still has them. Just because his ex sent him an email telling him she still loves him doesn't mean that the feeling is mutual. I hope you can both work through this. GL
    nicolemstacy

    Answer by nicolemstacy at 12:38 AM on Jul. 22, 2010

  • If he's keeping naked pics of his ex you should be worried
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 12:25 AM on Jul. 22, 2010

  • Okay, to clarify it's just one pic and they're both topless. But yea...
    lexi8622

    Comment by lexi8622 (original poster) at 12:26 AM on Jul. 22, 2010

  • It depends on what kind of relationship you have with him. I personally think you shouldn't just be with someone because you have a kid together. That is not good for everyone involved. I am with(married to) my daughters' father because I love him. Sit down and have a talk with him. Tell him how you fell. Communication is KEY in ANY relationship.
    trish2tew

    Answer by trish2tew at 12:27 AM on Jul. 22, 2010

  • We're definitely not together just because we have a kid but I understand what you are saying. We really do get along great and love spending time together and everything happened fast but he's amazing and really incredible in so many ways. The thing is I feel like I can't tell him that picture bothers me because I basically went looking to see if he had any of them. He leaves everything open on his computer because he trusts me not to snoop- the email was an honest accident but the picture was a shocker. Even if it's one (I'm sure there was more), I just don't know why he still has it. We have extreme open communication and we've even talked about her several times before, he reassured me he was over her but now I'm not so sure. Luckily though he did not respond to her desperate email where she confessed she still loves him.
    lexi8622

    Comment by lexi8622 (original poster) at 12:37 AM on Jul. 22, 2010

  • the naked pic is kind of weird, but everything else sounds kind of normal IMO.
    soccerchik8287

    Answer by soccerchik8287 at 1:20 AM on Jul. 22, 2010

  • Yes u should worry
    mamaofficer

    Answer by mamaofficer at 2:13 AM on Jul. 22, 2010

  • I also want to say I agree with nicolemstacy too...especially about the ex.. she's an ex for a reason. She could shout it to the cosmos that she is still in love with him, but if he doesn't respond to her then she's blowing hot air. He chose to be with you. I'm concerned that maybe your view of yourself and his love for you is a bit skewed. If that's the case then you really need to have a chat over a cup of coffee with no accusations and no threats. Be honest and open with your communication with each other. That is how a relationship should work.
    truetigress

    Answer by truetigress at 3:07 AM on Jul. 22, 2010

  • Leave it alone. If he's not got a ton of pictures from several different women, all nude and in different states of undress, then there isn't a real fire here. Keeping a few pictures is no different than keeping a few love letters from High School. Your own insecuritys here is what you are confronting. Either he's done with her, but may have some fond memories or he's not. Nothing you can do in either case.
    isabellalecour

    Answer by isabellalecour at 7:36 AM on Jul. 22, 2010

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