Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

The fact that it is selfish for stepmoms to try to take over and cancel out the real mom to help out the other parent, especially with child support custody issues.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 5:06 AM on Jul. 22, 2010 in Parenting Debate

Answers (12)
  • HUH? I missed the question. Q and A means there need be a question.

    Answer by hot-mama86 at 5:25 AM on Jul. 22, 2010

  • I have two step-children and I don't butt my nose into the child support cost we pay it and they have there own agreements. For me canceling her out(the bio-mom) her and I get along great I talk to her more then they speak we all get along great and that is they way it should be we don't need to play the drama i hate you ex and she hates me crap that is for children. We don't do it for the children we really do get along. What didn't workout for them works for me and my hubby.

    Answer by raemommy at 5:29 AM on Jul. 22, 2010

  • do or don't you think its selfish, simple really

    Answer by DIETCOKEMOM462 at 5:30 AM on Jul. 22, 2010

  • That would be great but the ex family only try to get along as long as they get money and are in control of things in their house. They don't come to games and treat my girls as the best friends she doesn't have. She made it a point that she stole him and then my kids being too nice and letting thie kids have their way and run the house.

    Answer by DIETCOKEMOM462 at 5:34 AM on Jul. 22, 2010

  • I got her point. However it lacks facts. OK help out how? Try and take over. How? What kind of child support issues? The question lacks the fundamentals in giving an opinion. Plus it appear from the title."The fact that step moms." She just wants verification in her own feelings. So no matter what any one says if it isn't her "fact" she wont like it. Also it sounds more like a dog on step moms in general. I can't contribute with out facts. And no one can give logical answers with out more detail. That is fact.

    Answer by hot-mama86 at 5:43 AM on Jul. 22, 2010

  • Now I'm lost dietcoke is this your question?

    Answer by hot-mama86 at 5:44 AM on Jul. 22, 2010

  • My sister's ex has been married twice since they got divorced. His current wife and my sister get along great. The wife in between them, however, was a total piece of work.

    I think it depends on what, exactly, you mean by "trying to take over' and all that. If they're trying to work as a team with the mom and the dad, because they are all love and are involved in the child's life, then no, I don't think that's selfish, I think the mom should WANT the stepmom to care about the kids and treat them well - for the kids' sake. (type of relationship my sis has now) Now, if the stepmom is trying to take over because she's trying to drive a wedge in there, griping about how much child support is paid, how much time the kids are "in her hair" or crap like that, then YES - THAT is incredibly selfish, and harms the kids (what my sis had with the last stepmom).


    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 5:47 AM on Jul. 22, 2010

  • Well if you are truly clueless. How about when my kids want me to do mom things and the step-mom does it anyhow or she can do it better etc. For examples in case you need it. Helping with homework or fixing a grilled cheese sandwich. She states well your mom wouldn't know these things (I have several college degrees and she doesn't have any) Kids not really hungry and only wanting grilled cheese, she states we cant afford real meals and are starving them , but it's ok when she feeds the kids grilled cheese now and then. Mother daughter special events and things like the first of anything. She has to beat me to it to be the one involved so she can say later I wasn't around. The fact that he got remarried and has raised her kids and now wants mine and the girls she never had.(raised boys) these are my only kids,cant have more for medical reasons.
    I resent the fact that she is doing those things I want to do and should

    Answer by DIETCOKEMOM462 at 6:27 AM on Jul. 22, 2010

  • I don't care about them taking good care of my kids or being nice. Because if they werent' they would be with me anyhow. This stepmom has for years thrown accusations and tried to get me in trouble for the fact that she wanted the girls she never had. In fact her whole family gets into it. Everyone in her family has a parent or spouse who is mean to them, so they get their way. At the legal age of choosing the girls wanted to be around the parent who they have not spent much time with, other kids are grown moving out of house soon so now attention turns to them they never had. I don't mind the fact that both sides want the attention that hasn't been there, but now they try to turn them against me for no reason. plus it helps in getting the funds that they never provided to begin with. So are you a selfish parent by wanting to destroy someone else's life or relationship because you want it?

    Answer by DIETCOKEMOM462 at 6:36 AM on Jul. 22, 2010

  • I think that is selfish, because that's trying to undermine the child's relationship with their mom. I think the unselfish, classy thing for the step mom would be to support the girls with the attitude of how wonderful it is that they are blessed with TWO women (NOT trying to leave you out) that love them, and maybe, if she (step mom) really wants to be involved in the "firsts", then she can offer to go and take pictures of the two of you together at these events. (And, to be nice and gracious, you can take a couple of pictures of her with your dd's as well).

    Sort of like the women who get married and have their Dad on one arm and their Step Dad on the other, walking them down the aisle, kwim?

    Good luck - I hope you're able to fix this, and your girls are going to know, if not now, but when they're moms, what's going on and that you love them!!!!

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 8:06 AM on Jul. 22, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.