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How can I convince get my 19 y/o son to get help to deal with the death of his father?

 
mrsmom110

Asked by mrsmom110 at 9:40 AM on Jul. 22, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 48 (281,413 Credits)
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Answers (6)
  • Boys his age have a hard time with dealing with strong emotions. Grief counseling is helpful if you can convince him to go. I lost my father one year ago this month..and I am 43. I have cried every day for a year. This process is on going. The loss of a parent is very different than the loss of say an uncle etc. You feel abandoned and very angry. I feel lost, and disconnected. Part oh who I am is missing, and it is going to take a long time to figure out how to live in a world without that piece of myself. He has to deal with this in his own way and time. My brother became like a robot...I didn't even recognise him after our fathers death. He is VERY angry! I think men need more time as they don't let emotions out like women do. Just be there for him and let him find his way. It will take a long time, but he will get there. So sorry for his loss, truly I am.
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 10:37 AM on Jul. 22, 2010

  • Understand, first, that the grieving process takes a while and that time is different for everyone. If you believe that his grief is detrimental to his well-being, suggest it to him, but he will not go until he believes that he needs help and wants to change. Help him to see what how his grief is impacting his life and maybe this will help him to realize that he needs help.
    neebug3766

    Answer by neebug3766 at 9:46 AM on Jul. 22, 2010

  • I understand. I'm also a member of The Widows Club, my son is 17 and my daughter is 11. The "short" answer? You can't convince another person that they need help. Maybe he does, maybe he doesn't. But he will have to be the one to decide. He's an adult and, like all of us, has to handle this however he sees best. You can suggest it to him, but he's 19 - he's going to do what he wants to do. Alice made a good suggestion, it might be worth a try.
    justnancyb

    Answer by justnancyb at 9:54 AM on Jul. 22, 2010

  • I'm so sorry that your son is dealing with this. It's so difficult. Email the owner of The Widows Club, she has a son about that same age and gives a lot of good advice. (just search The Widows Club on here and she'll be easy to find)
    aliceinalgonac

    Answer by aliceinalgonac at 9:43 AM on Jul. 22, 2010

  • You cannot convince anyone to do something of this kind, it is a traumatic experience even for those with age, give him time it is a slow process one that requires understanding not demands.
    older

    Answer by older at 9:55 AM on Jul. 22, 2010

  • You cannot convince someone to go for grief counseling. They have to do it on their own. Understand that everyone grieves differently and on their own schedule. Just talk to him and let him know that you will be there for him no matter what. If he wants to talk about his father, then talk about him. If he doesn't, then don't. Take your cues from your son. I am sorry for his loss.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 11:42 AM on Jul. 22, 2010

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