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Husband refuses to take initiative

I have worked in the past to make up for the difference of the cost of living and what my husband makes. What I couldn't make up came from credit cards. Now I have debts of other sorts, including the credit cards from before. I feel that I really need to reach for higher economic grounds. I have suggested for my husband to at least look around for higher paying jobs.

I feel that in the past, I have ran many circles around him and made it easy for him to stay comfortable, and now I'm paying the price.

Insult to injury - when my husband and I were casually talking about good times in our lives, he said that the best time of our lives was during that time when I was working very hard. I disagree intensely. I worked day & nights, and felt like a nameless humanoid. I don't want to see a repeat of this craziness.

How do I get my husband to see my way? Or, should I move on by myself?

No Joke

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:23 AM on Jul. 22, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • You both should be deciding what your common goals are and be work out a plan to achieve them. It can't be one sided. You might want to try counseling then, at least, you know you gave it your best shot if things don't workout.

    Answer by elizabr at 11:29 AM on Jul. 22, 2010

  • Um.

    Another way to look at this is to see that instead of 'running circles' for his comfort, you spent your way to your own comfort. You can call it 'cost of living', but how much your rent costs is your choice... what foods you buy and prepare are your choice. What kind of car, tv, phone service and clothing you opt for are discretionary, and if you've been using credit cards to behave 'as if' you have more money than you do, it is you that's living outside reality, not your husband.

    People who live within their means, sometimes, have to make hard choices: phone or cable; eating prepared food once a month or going swimming twice; taking in borders or sharing accommodations to save on basic costs... but you didn't do that. You (the pair of you, 'cause you didn't do it alone) elected to spend more than you made, to pretend you were 'normal' wealthy.

    Try credit counselling, to get over thinking you can spend debt.

    Answer by LindaClement at 11:31 AM on Jul. 22, 2010

  • The two of you need to have a serious talk about money and spending. After that, you two need to make a budget and stick to it. Money is the #1 reason that couples divorce. Don't let that happen to you. Sit down together, make a plan and stick to it. Believe it or not there is hope to get out of debt and live comfortably even on less.

    Answer by luvmyguyandgirl at 11:35 AM on Jul. 22, 2010

  • Oh I know that issue... I have a SO who REFUSES to quit his (teenage) job of working at the bowling alley... Move on man, he wants me to get a full time job so we can get our own place... NO BUDDY... You need to tell hubby that you have and still can run circles around him and make him see it your way

    Answer by twinmama2009 at 11:49 AM on Jul. 22, 2010

  • IMHO you should talk to your husband and tell him how you feel. It could be that he doesn't understand because he was not thinking about you at those times that he described the best and you felt the worst. Does he have a degree? Is he just lazy? Or is he trying? How about other parts of your relationship that have nothing to do with money? They way you wrote the post leads me to feel that all you care about it finances, and while i understand that those can have a major impact on a relationship, especially when you feel like you're pulling all of the weight, how is your relationship in other areas? So, talk to him and see what's going on with him. If he expects you to pick up all of the slack and shows no empathy for you, then maybe you should talk to a counselor...and if you can't work the money deal out, and that's the most important thing to you, then I guess you already know what to do.

    Answer by me0304 at 12:28 PM on Jul. 22, 2010

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