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My 12 year old (13 in 2 mths) seems to hate my guts adult content

My ex-husband and I have been divorced since she was 2. Up to the age of 6, I became and active alcoholic. Since then I have maintained sobriety and I am an active member of AA. My daugter was placed in her fathers custody during my active disease. When I became sober, I realized the long drawn out battle to gain custody of her was not about her but it was about me and my selfishness. I then realized all I want for my child is to develope and maintain a loving relationship and be the mother that she never had. After letting go of this fight, my ex-husband and I live in the same town and share custody. At this time, my daughter thinks the moon of her father and I seem to be such a burden. I have done some 12 step work around this but I can't seem to think that her behavior towards me, the not wanting to be around me (except when it is fun for her) is because she dislikes me, dislikes who I am.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:35 PM on Jul. 22, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • As the mom to two girls, 13 and 17, I think she feels you are a burden like all the other moms! I have gone through times with my girls where I feel almost invisible, but they come around. It may take your dd a little longer if she feels like you left her or didn't fight for her. Just be there and make sure she knows you are there now and always will be, she'll come around. Good luck.
    wallmom1

    Answer by wallmom1 at 6:49 PM on Jul. 22, 2010

  • Do you think that maybe your ex hubby is bad mouthing you. My husband's parents are both alcoholics and refuse to get help unless it makes themselves look better. It ruined their relationship and we rarely see them. She is also at the age where she starts hating her mother. I still have issues with my mother and it started right around your daughters age.
    mommyof11050307

    Answer by mommyof11050307 at 1:41 PM on Jul. 22, 2010

  • most teenagers hate their parents and i agree with above ur ex could be bad mouthing u in front of her! might want to sit down and explain y u were not around at first! it might help her understand!
    Caroline2010

    Answer by Caroline2010 at 1:44 PM on Jul. 22, 2010

  • It seems almost all kids dislike their parents at this age, regardless of any history between the two. Puberty sucks for everyone. Hang in there!
    greenergypsy

    Answer by greenergypsy at 1:50 PM on Jul. 22, 2010

  • I knew it was a teen female child and you were the mom .. she is gonna hate your guts even if you are perfect to her because your her mother .. and for no other reason than that .. alot of teens do it .. alot of ppl's teens do it .. though I have to say you do have some making up to do for your inactions when she was very young.. and if you didn't mature that part of your realtionship then how do you expect to walk in years later and to be "there" in the here and now.. not possible. Its gonna take time .. period... time cause of what you have put her throuogh and because she is going through her own stuff now cause she is a teen
    Jess22877

    Answer by Jess22877 at 4:42 PM on Jul. 22, 2010

  • Thank you all for your response. This is my first experience with CafeMom. I have been longing for communication with other moms. All of the above are great answers. There was a time where my ex husband and ex mother-in-law did bash me and told my daughter that I was an unfit mother. This was when she was 6-8 years if age. They were absolutely right. I needed to seek help, live a 12 step program and just prove by my actions (not words) that I am no longer the individual I used to be. I just seem to always attach her ill behavior toward me to my past when I was actively drinking.
    tlt423

    Answer by tlt423 at 6:47 PM on Jul. 22, 2010

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