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My friend and I both have children with Autism- on opposit ends of the spectrum.

She is my only close friend I have. I want to talk to her baout my challenges and be able to vent but every time I do she comes back with how her son is worse and I should be thankful. It's not that I'm not thankful but really our children don't compare. We thing we have to go through they just aren't the same things. I listen to her and try to be supportive and offer suggestions but all I get is stuff like 'Well, just be thankful he even talks' or ' Just be thankful he can go to a regular school' Maybe I am being rude talking to her about my problems with my sin since her son is non-verbal and in a special ed school. I just wanted to be able to talk to my friend. What do you think?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:22 PM on Jul. 22, 2010 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • Well coming from a mom with a child with moderate autism,she's probably frustrated with her child's problems and is a bit jealous that you don't deal with the severe stuff. i know I feel jealous of parents with neuro-typical kids myself.I think you both have to look at what your kids CAN do,instead of focusing on what they can't. Find out what's she's struggling with and give her a hand.
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 4:28 PM on Jul. 22, 2010

  • I just feel like we both have frustrations and we should be able to talk to each other. I mean I would give my left arm for my kid to tell a joke or make a friend or for pete's sake have a real play date. It would be nice to have someone to talk to. I do listen to her and I don't be little her problems. She just does it to me.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:30 PM on Jul. 22, 2010

  • Have you told her this? Have a heart to heart.
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 4:32 PM on Jul. 22, 2010

  • I feel bad telling her. I certainly don't want to compromise the relationship either. Like I said. She's my only close friend.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:41 PM on Jul. 22, 2010

  • I would have a heart to heart with her.. let her know you as well need someone to talk to, even if your child is not as bad. (even if you had a "normal" child" you still have the right to complain & talk out your problems with a friend occasionally.) If she wants your shoulder she should give a shoulder without judgement!
    best of luck.. I think all friends have a few bumps & adjustments when kids/husbands get into the picture... Especially if the kids have something in common or close in age..
    MommaTasha1003

    Answer by MommaTasha1003 at 4:43 PM on Jul. 22, 2010

  • Well when you talk use "I" sentences. Tell her how happy it would make you feel if you were able to share your similar experiences with her.How much you need to share with someone in the same boat.
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 4:43 PM on Jul. 22, 2010

  • I can relate somewhat. I have a child who has moderate autism, but he is verbal and extremely social (just inappropriately social). I have a friend who has a child who is nonverbal and has tantrums, hit, kick, etc. Sometimes I feel guilty complaining/venting about my son because I AM thankful that he can talk and go places and do things. She has never said anything to me and does try to brainstorm with me about ways to help my son with any problems that arise, but sometimes I wonder if she's jealous. It's really hard and your friend probably wishes she could have the same problems that you have - the grass is always greener. I don't really have any good advice for you though.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 5:09 PM on Jul. 22, 2010

  • I think you should PM me when you want to vent. I have three on all parts of the spectrum. There's a lovely little group here you can join and vent all you want. Remember though she needs a vent too. I do however feel she should listen and try to help you. Either that or just try not to talk about the autism challenges.
    2autisticsmom

    Answer by 2autisticsmom at 7:15 PM on Jul. 22, 2010