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How do I get my 15 year old back?

When I divorced when she was 12, her dad began telling her what a bad mom I always was to her. I've since sent pictures of life from her birth to 12, sent letters telling her about her life prior to the divorce but to no avail. I agreed to let her live with her dad full time because she is ADHD and children with that do not take change well at all. I just want some contact and ability to build our relationship again. Her father has brainwashed her so much she won't even talk or see me. What do I do?

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Asked by 3girlsmother104 at 7:50 AM on Oct. 2, 2008 in Teens (13-17)

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Answers (7)
  • i had this problem with my oldest daughter,she stayed with her dad.she got so she wanted nothing to do with me.him and his new gf brainwashed her,told her i didn't want her,that i was a bad mother,you name it! she even told me on my b-day that iwasn't her mom,that annie was(gf)--that killed me!----but he married the woman,and she wanted my daughter gone,so she made her life a living hell. my daughter moved in with us this past spring. she's very happy here. i finally got her back! and set her straight on alot of lies she was told. now her dad won't have anything to do with her. ---just be patient,she'll see the light someday.

    Answer by pam228 at 8:12 AM on Oct. 2, 2008

  • you may just have to wait on this one , Do you have regular visits? if not I think you need to explain to her why you didn't. you have told her about her past now find outr about now. ask about now. maybe offer to take her for manicures. you may need tobuy her attention until she gets to know you again. offer to buy a dress for a dance things like that until you have visited and talked to her a bit.

    Answer by Lyndall at 8:30 AM on Oct. 2, 2008

  • It's very painful to have to think about..but time is really your friend. She will grow up and move on. She will realize if you were such a bad Mom why did you contimually try to contact her, why the pics etc. Keep writing, keep contacting her even if she won't respond. It will speak volumes later when she is away from his daily influence.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 8:50 AM on Oct. 2, 2008

  • Give it some time. I know it must be so hard but she will come to see the truth one day. Just keep trying and don't give up. Love her and let her know it but I wouldn't push things too hard. She is 15 and boy what a tough age! Good luck!!!!

    Answer by lisabug at 9:01 AM on Oct. 2, 2008

  • I think it is absolutely disgusting when one parent says bad things about the other one to a child. That shows you right there what kind of a person he is. One day she will see it and she is going to see it and then she will know. don't try to say that he is lying etc. Just be Mom and still be there, but, don't do what he is doing, that would hurt her. Some people don't realize when they say bad things about the other parent, they are not hurting anyone but a child...

    Answer by Kat122 at 4:59 PM on Oct. 2, 2008

  • Im so sorry to hear about your daughter. I know this probally isnt much of a answer right now but Trust me, shes going to resent her Dad big time when she finds out about the iies.
    I have a 28 yr old daughter who was estranged from me, now that shes older we are very close.

    Answer by walkinyourshoes at 6:15 PM on Oct. 2, 2008

  • without hurting your feelings, why did you let her go? adhd isnt a good reason. i would never, ever under any circumstance let any of my 5 children live with anyone but me. big mistake on your part. i guess, just keep trying and go through the courts if you have to. good luck!!

    Answer by j-hunt at 8:04 PM on Oct. 3, 2008

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