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Daughter jealous of new baby

Well my 18 mos daughter just came to visit me and our new son at the hospital and it did not go well. She hasn't seen me in 2 days and as soon as she got here, she eyeballed him, looked at me like I was a stranger and started crying. We had to send him to the nursery, and I took her for a mommy and me walk to give her some alone time with me. She warmed up just a little after 20 mins. I go home tomorrow (c-section). Any advice on how to make the transition easier for her? I feel so bad because it's been just me and her every day for the last year and a half.

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Jodeye

Asked by Jodeye at 10:03 PM on Jul. 22, 2010 in Toddlers (1-2)

Level 2 (9 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • Sounds like you are on the right track. It is a big adjustment, but giving your oldest special mommy and me time lets her know that you still love her and she is still important. At that age, children need lots of reassurance and attention, so do the best you can to provide adequate time with the children together, and separately. Congrats on the new baby and good luck with big sister!
    Danielle720

    Answer by Danielle720 at 10:05 PM on Jul. 22, 2010

  • Make her your little helper! She can hold things for you, hand you diapers, sing lullabies with you, help with baths, etc. Include her, so she doesn;t feel left out or replaced. Make sure you talk to her about how she used to be this little and now she's the big sister, and you need her to help.

    Then when the baby is sleeping, spend a little one on one time with her...even if it's just reading a book, or some low key activity, as you're going to be tired to. :o)
    LoriKeet

    Answer by LoriKeet at 10:07 PM on Jul. 22, 2010

  • It would've been easier if you'd started to get her used to the baby while you were still pregnant. She's confused right now. If possible get her a new 'baby' of her own and let her care for it right along side you caring for your infant. She can be a little mommy and learn to be mommy's little helper.
    roseberrymatrix

    Answer by roseberrymatrix at 10:12 PM on Jul. 22, 2010

  • A little trick that I picked up is when baby is a asleep or otherwise content tell the baby (purposefully so your daughter hears) "I'm sorry baby, you'll have to wait, I need to help ____(fill in daughters name) now."

    I've been doing this, and it seems to comfort my daughter that she's not the only one that has to wait for the baby's needs...sometimes (or at least so she thinks) baby has to wait for her needs too.
    mogencreative

    Answer by mogencreative at 10:33 PM on Jul. 22, 2010

  • Thanks all! It appears that part of my challenge is going to be that my daughter isn't very verbal yet (the alliance group is coming to evaluate her on Monday to see if she is just behind or if i'm just not understanding her}. She knows the word baby and can sign it so i can start there. The baby doll and alone time is definitely good advice and i"ll work on that proactively in between nursing. It just breaks my heart to see her upset.
    Jodeye

    Comment by Jodeye (original poster) at 10:43 PM on Jul. 22, 2010

  • It's hard to be the big sibling sometimes. My two are 27 months apart. It was a hard transition at times. We had a gift from the baby to the big brother at the hospital. When he came to see us for the 1st time, "she" gave him his gift. When we came home, I had another "big brother" present at home (his first set of wooden train tracks to go with his train collection. LOL!) We kept a stash of small trinket gifts around. If someone brought or sent baby a gift but nothing for the big sib, we pulled out something from the stash. We made him a helper. He burped her. He fetched diapers, etc. We carved out one-on-one time. If baby was asleep and he wasn't, it was all Logan and mom time. On weekends we took an hour or so to devote to him - I'd stay with baby and DH woudl take him out or vice versa. They are now 8 and almost 6. Yes, they bicker. But mostly? they are best friends. It's amazing to watch the way they care for one another
    ldmrmom

    Answer by ldmrmom at 10:56 PM on Jul. 22, 2010

  • I was lucky, my older one wasn´t jealous in the beginning (she´s 27 months now and the baby 5 months) and she´s not too much now. What I did: I always tried to spend as much time with her as possible (while the baby was sleeping and with baby carried in arms when awake). When someone came to visit the baby I turned to her and played with her while the visitor could hold and cuddle the baby. I had small gifts for her so that she could have one gift whenever somebody brought something for the baby. And I let her do little things like getting a diaper, covering the little one with a blanket, pushing the stroller etc.

    I wish you all the best and hope everything will go well. But your older one will get used to it and in the end you all will be fine :-)
    jaliam

    Answer by jaliam at 8:45 AM on Jul. 23, 2010

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