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3 Bumps

Want to leave my husband

I have been married for almost 13 years now and I have had to put up with a lot from my husband. He is a hard worker yes but her does have flaws that I am starting to hate. He drinks all night till he has had enough to come to bed (3-4am), sleeps till noon or so, than takes a nap depending on his shift that night. He yells at the girls when they are being too loud in our VERY small apartment. He does not spend any extra time with the girls and has broken many promises of things he was going to do with them. The last time he and I were intimate was Christmas morning or Eve which ever way you want to look at it. I go to bed every night alone even on his nights off. His days off he drinks early and takes a nap about usually before the kids go to bed for the night and then when i'm ready for bed he's just getting up. I'm about done with this behavior. I can't deal with having a room mate and not a husband. What would you guys do?

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proudmomof2452

Asked by proudmomof2452 at 10:45 PM on Jul. 22, 2010 in Relationships

Level 5 (84 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • I'd tell him and give him a chance to fix it or I'd be gone.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:47 PM on Jul. 22, 2010

  • i agree have a talk with him and tell him he needs to stop or your gone.
    countrygirl06

    Answer by countrygirl06 at 10:48 PM on Jul. 22, 2010

  • If your at the breaking point then something has to give. Is he a drunk? I mean really can he live without the booze? That is the first conversation you have to have. Then if he can give it up then start to rebuild.
    If your done then tell him he is out. Or you leave. Don't play around with the man. Only if your serious start to figure out what works best for your kids. You want them to be in a place they are loved and valued and if this is not going to work then so be it. Go.
    mmmegan38

    Answer by mmmegan38 at 10:48 PM on Jul. 22, 2010

  • Sounds like he has a drinking problem. I would say he should quit drinking. I personaly would leave if he didn't.
    mommom2000

    Answer by mommom2000 at 10:48 PM on Jul. 22, 2010

  • talk to him first
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 10:49 PM on Jul. 22, 2010

  • Sounds as if he is an alcoholic. I would tell him that he needs to stop drinking so much and everything that you just told us here. I'd give him a timeline to either get help or stop on his own and if that doesn't work then tell him you want a trial separation until he finally does. Your choice then will depend on the choices he makes. Good luck mama....I had to do this with my ex husband so be prepared to become divorced. I told my ex he had a choice, partying and hanging out with his friends OR his family...he didn't chose family.....
    worriedmommy600

    Answer by worriedmommy600 at 10:50 PM on Jul. 22, 2010

  • Do you still love him, ask him if he loves you and do you both care enough about eachother to try to work things out?!?! If you feel strongly that you have put up with too much crap for too long then you should tell him that it's over and you would like a divorce!
    Truluv4ever

    Answer by Truluv4ever at 10:52 PM on Jul. 22, 2010

  • Has he always been a drinker? Or is this relatively new behavior? If it's new, it is likely he is drinking to soothe either some hurt or some other issue. I would find a time to sit down and I would calmly tell him that you are concerned for the marriage, but more importantly you are concerned about him, his health, and his relationship to his children. The man needs help, and a big part of marriage is in seeing to it that our mates get the help they need. I would offer to go with him to see a doctor, a counselor, or whoever he is willing to see. The other thing I would ask you to do would be to think back to when this behavior started and ask yourself what happened along about that time that may have wounded your husband, made him feel inferior or like a failure. It could be something that you maybe didn't even think too much about at the time but that has deeply affected your husband. As his wife, you should help him
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 10:53 PM on Jul. 22, 2010

  • He is an alcoholic and has been since before i met him. He comes from a family of alcoholics and he has admitted it himself. He also smokes in the house even though our youngest gets viral asthma.

    I have had some injuries this summer and have had no help from him in that area either. I was made to feel bad when I fell and dislocated my elbow 6 weeks ago. We don't fight much anymore, did a few years ago, but we also don't spend much time together either.
    proudmomof2452

    Comment by proudmomof2452 (original poster) at 10:53 PM on Jul. 22, 2010

  • I have dealt with this before and have seen it my mom's marriage and my aunt's marriage

    You need to give him 2 options, go into treatment, because quiting won't work at this point...or he leaves
    unless you want to be like my sister in law who stuck through marriage thick and thin to her heaving drinking husband until he died of liver failure in their 30th yr of marriage.
    also be preparred for what you might hear, it might not be the answer you want.
    wheresthewayout

    Answer by wheresthewayout at 10:58 PM on Jul. 22, 2010

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