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child custody question

My husband and I will be getting a divorce soon.

We have agreed that the kids will live with me and he will see them when he likes. Do we have to go to court to have it this way or can we have it this way w/o going to court? Don't you just go to court about it when you're arguing over custody?

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Asked by Anonymous at 9:39 AM on Jul. 23, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • You may just want to go to court to put in in writing in case he tries to get silly with it.. Nothing is final unless it is in writing.

    Answer by SuperrMommyy at 9:41 AM on Jul. 23, 2010

  • You need to write out what you two agree to and get it signed by a judge. If nothing is in writing the children technically don't "belong" to either parent and either parent can take them and withhold them from the other parent.

    Answer by kjbennett26 at 9:46 AM on Jul. 23, 2010

  • if he's true to his word then yes you can do it that way, that way you dont have to go through child support and all. BUT like the PP said...if he does something silly and with hold your kids from you then there's not much you can do till you go to court to resolve the issue

    Answer by americansugar80 at 9:50 AM on Jul. 23, 2010

  • agree, need it in writing, if the two are you are doing your own divirce, write it in the paperwork
    you do not want to go back to court
    protect yourself, put it in writing
    also, if he has agrred to pay child support, in my state it is 17%
    barring any other conditions, like he pays child support to another
    or if your incomes are very different,
    just a thought
    you can do your own divorce, but still have to go to court for judge to sign (i think)
    could agree between the two of ask judge to look over and make sure the childrens interests are made

    Answer by fiatpax at 9:51 AM on Jul. 23, 2010

  • You don't HAVE to go to court to agree on it, but your custody agreement does need to be part of the court papers. That way if either of you want to try and use the kids against the other later on down the road (like if he gets a girlfriend you don't like or he doesn't like your new boyfriend) your agreement now will be written down and ok'd by a judge.

    You might also want to think about possible 'what-if's' down the road. What if one of you gets offered a good job in another area? How will moving affect the custody agreement? What if the children decide they'd rather live with the husband? What if..what if...what if...

    Keeping an open line of communication for the children's sake is important. You may not be married anymore, but you are both the parents of those kids and that won't ever change.

    See what your attorney says.

    Good luck to you!!

    Answer by SimplyLaine at 9:54 AM on Jul. 23, 2010

  • I think that because you are married, no matter what it will have to be put into a court order. You can always get the standard court order and do whatever yall want. Good luck.

    Answer by Brittany.Dann at 10:15 AM on Jul. 23, 2010

  • You probably want to come up with a clear court order saying something like he gets the kids every 1st, 3rd weekend, and one night during the week, or at least a general idea. Just in case things ever do get dirty. Even if you have an order more specific, limiting his days, its really up to you guys. As long as you can agree, thats fine you can do what you want. When/If things get dirty, then the court order can be enforced. When my ex and I got divorced we went ahead and put in that he had "standard" visitation rights, which outlined who got our daughter specific holidays and things. However we also did what you all say and he knows he can get her whenever he wants

    Answer by soccerchik8287 at 12:19 AM on Jul. 24, 2010

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