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Why don't my parents seem to care as much my kids as other grandparents?

All of my friends seem to be able to drop off their kids at their parents to be babysat or stay overnight on demand. Some even have their parents begging to keep the kids. Mine have never once asked. When I only had one son, I remember asking my mom to babysit so I could go to the movies. She said no, that she felt like I would try to start using her if she said yes. I was offended and didn't ask her to babysit again for 2 years (during which I had another son). Then I asked her to watch my kids for 3 days as I had been invited to visit a good friend in New York and go to a concert with her. I asked her 3 months in advance, and she said okay, but I noticed there was doubt in her voice. Nevertheless she said yes and said she would take the time off work. I brought up the trip a couple times in the following months. A week before my trip I called her to sort out the details, and she said sorry, but she had to work(cont)

 
mommymela87

Asked by mommymela87 at 9:49 AM on Jul. 23, 2010 in Relationships

Level 14 (1,615 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • I am sorry, but do understand how you feel. I won't go into it, but at this point you just have to sit back and remind yourself how much THEY are missing. When your kids are old enough to ask remember when ??? and they get blank stares fromy your parents...that'll explain a lot. I know you need down time too...I would ask another navy wife to swap, ie. you watch hers, she watchers yours for a few hours a week, just to give you and her a break. I am sorry momma, I know it hurts when they act as if they want nothing to do with your children. It hurts. You'll give your little ones all the love they need!!! HUGS TO YOU!
    ShelbysHope

    Answer by ShelbysHope at 9:57 AM on Jul. 23, 2010

  • I was pretty upset, as I had already bought my plane ticket and made all my plans. I didn't fight with her, I just hung up the phone because I knew there was no point in arguing.
    I ended up asking a close friend who lives 4 hours away to come stay with my kids. Weeks later, I finally got the guts to confront her about it. She says my dad didn't agree with the concert I was going to (because it wasn't Christian) and that was why she said she was working. Weeks after that I spoke to my dad and brought it up with him, and he says my mother was the one to say no. Either way one of them is lying, and both of them don't seem to want to have much interaction with my kids. They are fine with me coming over with them for a couple hours and then leaving, but they don't want to give me any type of break or spend time with my kids alone. I just don't understand. None of my friends parents are like this. Are yours?
    mommymela87

    Comment by mommymela87 (original poster) at 9:50 AM on Jul. 23, 2010

  • Also, their dad (who I'm not with) is in the Navy and goes away for 6 months at a time. So I don't have help with the kids at all, I'm always with them. You would think they would feel sorry for me and want to help once in a while.
    mommymela87

    Comment by mommymela87 (original poster) at 9:51 AM on Jul. 23, 2010

  • im sorry have you talk to them about this? maybe they feel that if you leave your kids with them once thats you'll back out of your responsability and make it an everyday thing. you should talk to them and make them secure that you will always come back to your kids and theirs times when you need help from them. that you will feel better if they could watch the kids instead of leaving them with friends see what they have to say. in my situation sometimes i wish my parents wouldnt spoil my kids as much. my oldest son as soon as he goes into my moms house he cries for everythign if someone accidently taps him his crying like they hit him so hard lol its funny as soon as my mom hears him she goes crazy on everyone accusing everyone of htting him. if it where for her she would keep him all week. but the only problem i have is that she goes more for the oldest one. with my 2 year old she does everythign for him and then with my 4
    Alejandra10

    Answer by Alejandra10 at 10:02 AM on Jul. 23, 2010

  • month old she sometiems dont even carry him. my dad is the one graving him and thats what bothers me i have talked to her about it but she assures me she loves both the same. but you can telll theres more for the oldest one and not the youngest one but maybe later when the baby is a little older but like i tell my partner as long as i love them i dont care who else does or doesnt
    Alejandra10

    Answer by Alejandra10 at 10:04 AM on Jul. 23, 2010

  • But they know it wouldn't be an every day thing, and I have always been a responsible person when it came to school and my kids. They should have no reason to think I would take advantage of them. I think it's just some random excuse. I have talked to my mom about this issue specifically, and she changes the subject and offers no real excuse as to why she won't watch them. They just have never seemed to desire a close bond with them. It makes me sad because it's not just that I need a break, it's that she doesn't WANT to spend time with them. If I had grandkids I would love for them to come stay with me, with or without their parents. I would want to take them to the zoo and chuck e cheese and spoil them endlessly.
    mommymela87

    Comment by mommymela87 (original poster) at 10:07 AM on Jul. 23, 2010

  • Sounds like your mom is trying to punish you for getting pregnant and not being married. How sad for her! The things she is missing by being so judgmental. Yes I think it would be wonderful if they'd give you a break, but it doesn't seem that will be happening, so find someone who will. You need a break from them and they need a break from you every once in a while. Doesn't have to be a long drawn out event.

    Good luck to you!!
    SimplyLaine

    Answer by SimplyLaine at 10:08 AM on Jul. 23, 2010

  • I am still married actually, we are going through a divorce that my mom supports because he was abusive to me. I think maybe they are punishing me for not being Christian enough. My brother graduated from the Air Force Academy and my sister just left this morning on a missions trip to China. I think you are right, I should just give up on them. This sucks.
    mommymela87

    Comment by mommymela87 (original poster) at 10:11 AM on Jul. 23, 2010

  • I WAS married!
    mommymela87

    Comment by mommymela87 (original poster) at 10:16 AM on Jul. 23, 2010

  • I left because he was htting me and choking me while I was pregnant and in front of my older son!
    mommymela87

    Comment by mommymela87 (original poster) at 10:16 AM on Jul. 23, 2010

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