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SAHMs how does your hubby handle the stress of being the head of household? does he let it affect your relationship?

my hubby has a hard time coping with being broke. not dead broke, but just enough money to live and pay bills broke. he has been working hard at a very stressful job and i work part time also. i cant work full time right now because there is no one to watch our baby and as u know daycare is too expensive. i work on weekends and he and his grandmother take turns watching the kids. when he gets low on money he lets all that pressure get to him, and he goes into his little "box" and is moody and unattentive for most part of the time he is home. his only joy it seems is to get away from us and go spend time with his friends, but he cant do that right now because he and i are trying to recover from his infidelity. he just seems unhappy with being home, and with himself and i dont know what to do to help him, but i cant sit here and be miserable with him much longer. he cant handle the stress. what can i do to help my family?


Asked by Anonymous at 10:04 AM on Jul. 23, 2010 in Relationships

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Answers (9)
  • so sorry momma, but sounds as if there are bigger issues here, but my hubby does get like this, and I work full time....but, he is the head of the house and somedays that's all that gets him out of the bed in the morning, knowing he has to provide for the family, he acknowledges my income and is grateful for it, but he feels the sole responsibility is on him. Do all you can to help, like let him see you clip coupons, making a list and buying only what's needed. Turn lights off (to keep power bill down), let him see the little things you do.
    As to the infeldity, I'm so very glad that you guys are working together to get through it. Been there and it's a tough road, but our marriage is stronger from it...Now with that said, he's depressed, and he's the only one who can bring him out of it. Be strong and comfort him, you'll have to be the stronger one right now. As long as he knows you love him unconditionally, that's all you

    Answer by ShelbysHope at 10:25 AM on Jul. 23, 2010

  • i think he might have bigger issues, like plain ol depressed with life in general, to cheat and what not, id suggest therapy for him

    Answer by oppsdiditagain at 10:08 AM on Jul. 23, 2010

  • Can you guys go to the park as a family? Or somewhere free/cheap to get out of the house? Maybe he just needs to get his mind off of it...Can he have friends over @ home? Sorry I can't be more help.

    Answer by bumblebeestingu at 10:08 AM on Jul. 23, 2010

  • l felt bad for him until you said infidelity.
    It is probably Gods punishment for him. It will end at some point. He needs to get over himself and realize YOUR efforts to help him and stay with him and appreciate you more.

    Answer by ABusyBee at 10:11 AM on Jul. 23, 2010

  • op here - well we went out to eat yesterday and i paid for everything so that he wouldnt have to, i had a gift card for our meal and i put in the gas and stuff so he only had to spend like 10 bucks. but it still didnt help, today he was right back inside his head. i he doesnt feel like he has to talk about it because its his own problem and his own fault, he wont let me help. he wont let me help budget and manage the money because he doesnt want to feel like he cant spend what he makes, then when he spends it, he is upset that he doesnt have it saved. he wants to be able to have fun and save at the same time, and he doesnt know how to deal with the fact that he cant.

    Answer by secondtyme520 at 10:12 AM on Jul. 23, 2010

  • He has got to learn to separate these things. Have him ask himself, in 20 years is all of this worrying and stress really going to matter? I'm speaking from experience because my dh has a hard time dealing with stress. Granted he has a lot on his plate with work and school, but at the end of the day he always tells me, he doesn't even know why he was complaining or worrying, we always make it through and years from now, none of this will matter.

    Answer by buzymamaof3 at 10:33 AM on Jul. 23, 2010

  • I'm sorry. I'm a SAHM and I don't have this problem with hubby. He knows that he has to provide for our family and does it happily. Yeah, he complains and gets down at times because we ARE dead broke (I had to count change out last night to get him $4 for gas to get to/from work today, not sure what were going to do for Monday). When money gets him down all he wants to do is spend time with me and the kids. We both know what the budget is and pay bills together. We don't go anywhere. He has a couple guys from work that he hangs out with but that's maybe once every couple months. He knows that his family comes first.

    Answer by LorisChar at 10:39 AM on Jul. 23, 2010

  • can do for him right now. Please be patient with him, he may not can express his feelings, but the fact that you are working together is a huge stepping stone! Pray honey

    Answer by ShelbysHope at 10:54 AM on Jul. 23, 2010

  • If it gets to my s/o he doesn't say much. But I also don't ask for much that isn't a household need (laundry soap ect.). I don't ask him to buy me stuff but like 1 or 2 times a year. He pays all the bills, and plus now that we are raising rabbits he's also paying for that. We have 3 kids and daycare is not an option due to the extreme expense where we live. Yes we'd both like to go out and spend money like it grew on trees, but we know we can't! My s/o wishes he could help his family but he know theres no way. The only way I really know money is bugging him is by his actions.
    It seems to me that theres alot more to this than just $$. He's stressed because of the lack of $$ but also cuz he can't do as he pleases, but you can't have it both ways! Work at it as a unit and you will prevail! Hugs to you!

    Answer by Alwaysacarnie at 7:06 PM on Jul. 23, 2010

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