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am i horrible or what??

I am getting married on august 1st of 2009, this date has been set since june of 2007! Well recently my good friend got engaged and decided that she wants to get married in august. She asked me to be her maid of honor and i happily accepted. well now she tells me that she wants to get married on august 7th....I want to take a 10 day honeymoon, that means i'll miss the wedding. I've tried talking to her about it and she blames by fiance and says "does he not know we are getting married too" can i gently let her down about not being her maid of honor? i'm in school, i have a 4 month old to raise and a wedding of my own...i just don't want to commit to something i can't finish! HELP!!

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Asked by maddoxsmommy605 at 10:29 AM on Oct. 2, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (18)
  • You just have to tell her that you have already had yours planned and as much as you would love to be her Maid of Honor, you wedding and honeymoon come first. If she doesnt understand she is very selfish and doesnt deserve your friendship anyways.

    Answer by MommyMel03 at 10:31 AM on Oct. 2, 2008

  • I agree with MommyMel. It sounds pretty selfish of your friend. You have had yours planned for alot longer and she knew when your wedding was. She should of thought about that before she decided her date.

    Answer by Kenzies_momma at 10:34 AM on Oct. 2, 2008

  • Tell you that you already booked your honeymoon and there is no way that you can get a refund. If she really wants you to be in her wedding she will change it, if not, she will still be married at the end of the day.

    Answer by BabyBugsmama at 10:35 AM on Oct. 2, 2008

  • I think your friend is being kinda rude. If you've had the date set since 2007, she's obviously known about it, so why would she set her date for 6 days later?? I'd just say, you've known about my wedding for a year now, if you're going to have it on that date, I can't be there. I think she's being selfish.

    Answer by WadeMom313 at 10:35 AM on Oct. 2, 2008

  • You definitely need to let her know that if the wedding is on that date, you will not be able to attend. If she argues, ask her how she'd feel if you asked her to cut into the middle of her honeymoon? This is a special time for you and your soon to be husband and you have every right to enjoy it. If she still can't understand, then just politely decline her offer and wish her the best.

    Answer by purvislets at 10:36 AM on Oct. 2, 2008

  • Just tell her .Their is know way to say it nicely.If she new you well enough she would have known your plans, and would have scheduled her at a different time in august..Thats if you told her your plans of corse.  


    Answer by louise2 at 10:37 AM on Oct. 2, 2008

  • You are just going to have to tell her you are honered but you can't accept because you will be away on your honeymoon, if she expects you to cut your honeymoon short just to be at her wedding then she is not being fair.

    Answer by sammiesmom2000 at 10:47 AM on Oct. 2, 2008

  • If she has known about this since 2007, then it sounds like she didn't take your Wedding and honeymoon into consideration. If she is a good enough friend then I would just tell her that you have had these plans for a long time now, and you want to keep them the way that you told her it was going to be. Ask her, "did you forget what I told you about my wedding and honeymoon?". Then if she's a real friend she will respect you and your plans. If she gets mad then, she wasn;t as good a friend as you thought. Plain and simple.

    Answer by Freda01 at 10:49 AM on Oct. 2, 2008

  • appologize for saying yes so quickly without getting the details of her wedding first. then say that you want to be her maid of honor, but cannot because you are already committed to your own wedding. she needs to be understanding of that! if she is not, then it is her problem, not yours. i am the type to feel bad no matter what, and am slowly learning that no matter what decision you make in life, there are going to be people who disagree or get angry for their own selfish reasons and you need not feel bad that they are selfish.

    Answer by CNehneva at 11:07 AM on Oct. 2, 2008

  • You've had the date set for over a year. I assume, unless she's a bit obtuse, that she's known since then. So, no you are not horrible. She is...selfish is the word that comes to mind, but I don't know that it fits. She knows the date you set, she knows you'll be going on your honeymoon, so there's no logical reason for her to have done that. I'd simply say, "Sorry, you knew the date I had scheduled, and you knew I'd be gone on my honeymoon on the date you picked. I'd love to be your maid of honor, but if you really want that date, then I'll have to turn down the honor." You are just as entitled to your happy day and wonderful honeymoon as she is. If she can't understand that, then that's her problem, not yours.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 11:13 AM on Oct. 2, 2008

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