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3 Bumps

she doesnt love me anymore

i have always had my niece around since she was born. she use to live with me when she was little. but when they moved out i still would go get her and her brother to do things. i love them both like my own. now she is 10 and she hates me. when my mom passed away (almost 3 yrs ago) it was real hard on her. i took her to counciling and she seemed to do better. we would fight but she knew i was in charge and she respected that. well during the school yr this year she got real out of hand. all we did was fight about everything. she would yell and scream at me, push me, hit me, and we would both end up crying. i tried to talk to her, ask her why she was so mad at me, but she would just cry and say i didn't love her. i do with all my heart but she just pushes me away. so me and her parents talked and decided that since her and her brother would older and it would only be 2 or 3 days out of the week (continued on reply

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teddybear2272

Asked by teddybear2272 at 12:24 PM on Jul. 23, 2010 in Relationships

Level 6 (146 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • they could stay at home. this was the punishment for her, cause all she wanted to do was fight with me. when they told me that i cried so hard. she is like my own and i would see them everyday. so it hurt me so much not to see them. i would call and text them all the time, but my niece would get upset telling she wasnt a baby anymore and i didnt need to check on them all the time. (sob) so i stopped calling all the time. that's when she started calling me to go get them. they were bored. i gladly would go get them. but now she is going back to her old ways. she doesnt respect me or my husband. today we had a huge fight and i told her if she doesnt want to be here with me then i will take her home. she got mad and said i didnt love her. i dont know what else to do. none of the other babies (7 all together) treat me like she does. it hurts that she fights with me. how do i make her understand that i love her?
    teddybear2272

    Comment by teddybear2272 (original poster) at 12:30 PM on Jul. 23, 2010

  • She will understand when she is old to realize what you have done for her, she is a child that has gone through a lot give her time, but do not give up on her. Kids many times hate the authority figure, it shall pass.
    older

    Answer by older at 12:33 PM on Jul. 23, 2010

  • this is a bit confusing as to why you are 1/2 raising her but it sounds like such a drastic change, maybe something is going on she doesn't know how to talk to you about and it taking it out on you ??? She just said that to hurt you, she doesn't realize HOW much it hurts at her age... this is a tough age. My niece is 10 and we are very close also and she gets very snippy and snotty right now.. hormones are starting way earlier these days
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 12:35 PM on Jul. 23, 2010

  • Well first you need to stop letting her use "You don't love me" as a tool to get her way.
    10 is a crappy age no matter how you slice it. If she is home now and wants to visit you, maybe those visits should be based on behavior. If she's disrespectful one day, she doesn't come the next.
    She knows you love her. She just wants to see how much she casn get away with while using your own love against her.
    I see it because I did it too. Stop giving in. Treat her like any aquaintance when she's disrespectful and like your favorite person when she behaves. She'll get the point.
    emhain

    Answer by emhain at 12:37 PM on Jul. 23, 2010

  • 10 is a confusing age. Its the middle ground between kid and teen. Just keep reassuring her that you love her. When she yells dont yell back. Try and hug her when she is really upset. I shut people out so I understand the mind set. My husband just hugs me when I am upset and I shut him out telling him to leave me alone until I feel better but that hug makes me feel better much faster and makes me feel super loved.
    ABusyBee

    Answer by ABusyBee at 12:38 PM on Jul. 23, 2010

  • Ugh. Typos.

    She knows you love her. She just wants to see how much she casn get away with while using your own love against YOU.
    emhain

    Answer by emhain at 12:38 PM on Jul. 23, 2010

  • She sounds like a brat to me! She needs some tough love! I'd ignore her completely and when she calls you to come get her don't answer for a while maybe then she will realize she can't treat you like that. I'm sorry I would not put up with that at all. As far as her knowing you love her... well when she does finally realize she is wrong and you are the adult that she needs to respect .. and when she finally comes around then make it clear say I love you very very much but it hurts me and makes me cry when you treat me like this.. ask her if she likes to make you sad.. see what her response is.. tell her you love to be with her and do fun things with her but if she makes you hurt and upset you are not going to want to do fun things with her... make her understand her actions GL
    NicholeWalls

    Answer by NicholeWalls at 12:41 PM on Jul. 23, 2010

  • www.naomialdort.com

    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 12:47 PM on Jul. 23, 2010

  • I think she's using you as a release for pent up emotion. Whether it's your mom dying, her home life, or something at school. She's young and has a lot going on hormonally, and you might be an easy target. I don't think she's doing it to intentionally hurt you, but since you're closest to her you're the easiest person to attack. I would suggest taking her back to counseling.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 12:48 PM on Jul. 23, 2010

  • You two obviously have a very close relationship...the problem is that she sees you as a peer, not a "authority figure". She knows you love her. She says that to get a reaction out of you. Let things be for now. She will come around again. When she does talk to her. When she says that you don't love her, stay calm and remind her that you do. Let her know you will be there to talk to her about whatever it is that's bothering her. Don't play into the games though. When she sees the reaction she gets out of u by saying hurtful things she wins, so to speak. I hope this helps and Best Wishes!
    JessieK79

    Answer by JessieK79 at 12:52 PM on Jul. 23, 2010

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