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Would you think this is a true friend?

I have a friend who I talked to every other day at one time. I am nine months into my pregnancy and before I got pregnant with my hubby I asked my friend if she would be there for me because I could use her support. She said she would. The day after I told her i got pregnant she got really sick so I ended up bringing her meals and caring for her. After that I did not really talk to her as she never called to check up on me at all. During my eighth month she did come over with a treat and told me she was sorry for not being around she also gave my daughter a treat after she had surgery. I have now been on bed rest for almost two weeks however and I told her I need some visits. Not one visit or phone call since I have been on bed rest......She does have a lot of kids. And she has called me a few times in the last few months for support in some of her problems. I am there ..... Do you think she's a true friend to me however?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 3:16 PM on Jul. 23, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • friendship has to go both ways.

    Answer by jennifer588 at 3:20 PM on Jul. 23, 2010

  • i think shes not being a good friend it doesnt matter how many kids you have. sounds like she just calls when she needs you to vent .

    Answer by mommyof2chasmin at 3:23 PM on Jul. 23, 2010


    Answer by Soon2bemom16 at 3:24 PM on Jul. 23, 2010

  • It takes effort to be a good friend. And time passes by so quickly and we get wrapped up in busy lives. Sometimes all the effort has to come from one side and it's easy to get tired of that. Give it a little more time. Call her a few more times. I hope it works out. Best wishes to you.

    Answer by elizabr at 3:26 PM on Jul. 23, 2010

  • no, you were there for her, but now all of a sudden she isn't there for you.
    She was fully aware of what helping means (wether she has a lot of kids or not) if she didn't think she could be there then she shouldn't have said so before.

    No I don't think she is a true friend.

    Answer by southernstyle88 at 3:26 PM on Jul. 23, 2010

  • I would suggest to get honest with her and tell her how you feel as you did here.. If she is a true friend then you should be able to be honest with her.. afterall what do you have to lose?

    Answer by BobbieJo286 at 3:27 PM on Jul. 23, 2010

  • I have a few friendships, a lot of acquaintances, and a couple of people who are solid friends.
    I have found that there are a lot of people who are willing to accept my friendship, but very few who will return the effort. I love my BFF and we have been together for 28 years. Yet the friendship is not shall we say equitable.

    For example if I do not call her she gets upset that I am not paying enough attention, but she will not call me. Just like you I was on bed rest for 3 months with my youngest, but she kept getting mad at me for not being enough understanding or comfort to her.
    I figure if I have a couple people in my world who would notice me missing and make contact to check in I am in good shape, and I just know who they are and who they are not.
    As for the rest, it is hard to make new friends outside of the daily grind so I appreciate those in my life with whom I have commonalities, and don’t judge them

    Answer by luvmystats at 3:35 PM on Jul. 23, 2010

  • Look she may have every intention of being a good friend. You never know what a person may be going through. Maybe her stresses trouble her more than your stresses trouble you, depends on her constitution. It doesn't mean she doesn't think of you with love. However, some people are not skillful in matters of relationship, any kind of relationship could be the one thing they are not up to. Point is what kind of experience do you want in your life and are YOU up to what it means to be HER friend. Confront the situation, don't forget to get her explaination. Share what it means to you without demand. BE HER FRIEND. Show her how it's done but let her know what you need. Otherwise you literally don't have the energy to put into the friendship. It will melt away in that instance and so be it. Wish her well and move on.

    Answer by mayality at 3:36 PM on Jul. 23, 2010

  • tell her hey whats the sound of one hand clapping? Friendship is a give and take kind of thing she seems to be doing more taking tell her support is not one sided. GL Momma

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 3:44 PM on Jul. 23, 2010

  • It sounds like she is making some effort. It could be that she doesn't have anyone to leave her children with and feels it would be too much for you if she brought them with her. She may be having some kind of personal problems at the moment and doesn't want to burden you with those. If you really want to hear from her, call her. I know that when my friends are down in bed, I sometimes won't even call for fear that they may be resting and I might disturb them or awaken them. I don't think you need to assume that she is not a real friend. It sounds like she may be, but the two of you are just not privileged to be together right now. You can have a good visit via phone, and I think you should give her a call. You will have to decide whether or not she is a true friend, but I would not be willing to assume at this point that she isn't.

    Answer by NannyB. at 4:02 PM on Jul. 23, 2010

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