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Should I have my mom in the room for the labor?

I know my husband kind of wants this to be a moment for just me and him, but my mom is my best friend. This is also her first grandchild. I don't want her to have to wait at home while I'm in labor. Is it tell her we want her to come up (we live 2 hours away), but want her to wait in the waiting room. Also if she comes up my whole family (dad and 2 sisters) will come up with her. Is it ok to ask them to wait in the waiting room? I'm so confused. I don't want to hurt my mom, but I want to do what my husband wants too.

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MamaSarah1104

Asked by MamaSarah1104 at 6:52 PM on Jul. 23, 2010 in Pregnancy

Level 18 (5,797 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • I wanted it to be just my husband and myself. My mom and I are NOT best friends and I knew she would do something to irritate me and that I would say somethign to her that would damage our relationshiop while I was in the midst of a contraction. But when I had my first child, she really wanted to be there and I said yes. I lucked out and my labor was only 4 hours long andI had the baby before she got there. The second time, I was 10 years older and just flat out told her I didn't want her there. She accept that ok.
    A good friend of mine wanted that moment to be just her and her hubby. She had her entire family there for the first part of labor, but when it came pushing time, she had them all leave and just had her DH there. Then, after the baby was born, they were all invited back in. She thought this worked out well. Maybe this is an option too.
    layh41407

    Answer by layh41407 at 6:59 PM on Jul. 23, 2010

  • Well you and your mom sound really close so i think its good idea,buti think you should talk about that with your husband and your mom to get though it. i would do that too.
    dayiilu

    Answer by dayiilu at 7:00 PM on Jul. 23, 2010

  • Married at 14 are you?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:02 PM on Jul. 23, 2010

  • I think the question is do YOU want your mom in the room, or are you just afraid of hurting her feelings?

    Keep in mind that you will not know what you really want until you are in that moment. Also, you may want your mom in from time to time, but not for the actual birth. The thing you need to ask for is flexibility and understanding from each your mom and your hubby. If you think you might want your mom there, explain to your hubby that she would be there to help support the both of you, as usually labor is long and can even be boring at times for the spectators. Tell him that you want him to be have the flexibility to go to the bathroom, get a bite to eat, or make a phone call if he needs too. However, make sure that your mom understands that she is to support both of you. A great book for each of them to read would be The Birth Partner by Penny Skipton. Remember, you don't have to make any decision about this right now.
    squish

    Answer by squish at 7:02 PM on Jul. 23, 2010

  • Hey Anon, aside from being rude, it appears that she ANSWERED a question regarding a mom who was 14, not that she is 14.
    squish

    Answer by squish at 7:05 PM on Jul. 23, 2010

  • Thanks for your advice so far everyone. They are good things to keep in mind. I like the idea of having her in there until it comes time to push. And thank you Anonymous for posting anonymously, but no I'm not 14 and I'm not sure where you got that lol.
    MamaSarah1104

    Comment by MamaSarah1104 (original poster) at 7:06 PM on Jul. 23, 2010

  • That is entirely your decision, will you regret having your mom miss out, or your hubby being upset that it wasnt just you two!? I think i would be hurt if my daughter and i were close and she didnt let me in. My mom wouldve been beyond upset, but were not perfectly close either. I moreso wanted her there because shes done it before! Now when i had my c-section and could only have 1 other person i had the hubby in there with me ofcourse. mom had to wait out! And my brother was in my room the second time around UNTIL i had to push! then he had to go!! (and btw just because there in the room doesnt mean they gotta see all your goodies, they can stand off to the side or by your head)...and NO its not rude to request for someone to be in the waiting room until your ready. thats a very personal experience! Congrats and GL
    sweetstkissez22

    Answer by sweetstkissez22 at 7:10 PM on Jul. 23, 2010

  • i would definatly have your mom in the room. me and my mom are best friends also, and i dont give a shit what my husband thought - she was comming that room. to ask for your mother to not be in the room, is very selfish of him. it is not taking away from your moment with him, its adding your mother and your childs grandmother to the experience. i think it would be mean and hurtful to not let your mother in the room. and plus, i wanted my mom in there. thats my mommy, i was her baby.. why wouldnt i want her in the room with me. your only supposed to have 2 people in the room at a time, so yes its fine for the others to wait in the waiting room and just your mother and husband be there.
    PURPULbutterfly

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 7:18 PM on Jul. 23, 2010

  • Well, I actually asked my Mom "IF" she wanted to be there. She said that it was up to me. I really only wanted my DH there so I could focus and not be stressed at all. So I said it was really up to her & she said that it was for me & DH. I really think that she did not want to because she was nervous. So she waited in the waiting room with my relatives and saw the baby minutes after anyway. Now that I know what to expect from birth, I would want her to be there with me & DH. Live & learn. But she may still faint!! :) So why don't you just ask her & let her decide. You will be so spaced out from the whole experience that you wont even care who is there. That's how I felt after anyway.
    ILovemyPaulie

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 7:20 PM on Jul. 23, 2010

  • i personally feel like i don't think i could get through it without my mother there honestly, but thats just me. and my mom is my bestfriend too. your husband is going to be going through a lot, but he isnt going to be going through exactly what youll be going through and i think you should have whoever you want in there with you for motivation and support to help you get through it.
    aliciamarie1012

    Answer by aliciamarie1012 at 7:21 PM on Jul. 23, 2010

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