Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

3 Bumps

death in the neighborhood... need advise on how long to be curteously quiet, etc

My very next door neighbor has 3 kids. Youngest is 4, (my kids are 4 & 5) and a 9 & 18 y/o. ... 48 hours ago the 18 y/o was in a horrific car crash and died. their son, age 4, is very good buddies with my kids and they share playsets, snacks, toys, etc often. We dropped a handwritten letter and $50 in their mailbox and of course, are giving the family their space. I've been keeping my kids in, no pool, no shrieking with laughter on the swings or slip 'n' slide, etc etc.... our houses are very close proximity and at the 48 hour mark it still feels VERY inappropriate to have my kids out there being loud while they're so close, in mourning. So what is a reasonable amount of time before it would not appear rude?

 
hibbingmom

Asked by hibbingmom at 8:11 PM on Jul. 23, 2010 in Relationships

Level 35 (71,876 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (17)
  • You have done a very courterous act for this family. Maybe stop in tomorrow and see if you can watch the 4 yr old for a couple of hours for them, suggest you will keep an eye on them while the play (swings/ pool etc)since they have alot of other stuff on their mind. If they deline have your offer stand if they need it. Let your kid play outside, as much as the adult need time it's hard for young ones to know what is going on and need to get back to normal.
    adakbride

    Answer by adakbride at 8:17 PM on Jul. 23, 2010

  • If I lost a child I think I would want to hear other little ones LIVING life. I have never been in that situation and pray that I never will, but in my heart I think I would feel that way.
    SleepingBeautee

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 8:13 PM on Jul. 23, 2010

  • have you called? or talked to them in person? if they have a child similar in age as yours, chances are they need some regularity to happen. it may help the kids to continue with normal activities. call or go in person, and ask if 'so and so' can come over to play. you don't have to mention the death, or anything. you can then take your cue from their response. just be friendly, like you always have been. they may be thrilled to see you're not freaked out by the situation, and may be longing for a familiar, happy face.
    you won't know until you actually talk to the parents.
    dullscissors

    Answer by dullscissors at 8:16 PM on Jul. 23, 2010

  • i would let them out and play and maybe even have your kids ask the other kids to come out and play. yes it is soon. but they need something to help them get their minds off of it even for a moment. and it may help to have some one near their age to talk to about it. when i lost my dad this past winter my kids are one of the only things that could bring a smile to my face for along time. kids will b kids and do silly things that you cant help but laugh at. everyone mourns in their own way. but i wouldnt avoid them. take them food and offer them your friend ship and prayers. dont constantly hover over them but let them know your their. when your hurting that bad it is nice to see who really cares.
    sweetestkitten

    Answer by sweetestkitten at 8:24 PM on Jul. 23, 2010

  • You can't expect your children to just be quiet.... and not play.I lost my first husband...he drown in front of me...and my oldest son four years ago when he was 26 I never expected the neighborhood to be quiet...just go about your life as usual.
    Cochise

    Answer by Cochise at 8:14 PM on Jul. 23, 2010

  • I think you are being more resptful than most neighbors. For us personallly, we would try to keep things down until after the funeral or service if there is one. If not..a week.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 8:15 PM on Jul. 23, 2010

  • respectful* sorry
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 8:16 PM on Jul. 23, 2010

  • Life goes on. If it were me, I would send my condolences and ask if they needed anything. Maybe send over some food. I'm sure they don't expect your kids to be kept quiet and not allowed to play outside. I would say it's been long enough. Just tell your kids to try not to be too loud and respect what your neighbors are going through.
    JGRIMMER

    Answer by JGRIMMER at 8:17 PM on Jul. 23, 2010

  • It is so nice of you to take this into consideration. Maybe until after the funeral unless it is too much stress for your kids. It will be a godsend that their 4 year old has your kids as friends. He will need them to help him get back to "normal", but supervise them closely the first few tmes they get together. Don't be surprised if he acts agressive or is easy to cry. He'll need to grieve like anyone else but can not handle it like an adult. Take care.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 8:18 PM on Jul. 23, 2010

  • I am sorry for their loss, but honestly they can't possibly think you're rude just because you don't keep your kids quiet. They are just kids after all. While I think it is very caring of you, I don't think you should have to silence your kids and put their lives on hold like that by not letting them play because the neighbor might hear them.
    DarkFaery131

    Answer by DarkFaery131 at 8:18 PM on Jul. 23, 2010