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I hit my son today, and i feel awful. How do i make it up to him?

It wasn't bad.. just smacked him a bit in his tummy. It hurt him because it was in his belly and he wasnt expecting it. I havent stopped crying all day. I feel so so so bad. Since i had my daughter 6 months ago i feel like my husband and i are treating him like he is in the way. We dont mean to, and are working on it daily, but i slipped up.

I dont know what to do to make it up to him (he's 4). I dont want to just buy him a toy, but i want to build my trust back up with him. Hes my buddy and this is killing me.

Answer Question

Asked by redderbedder at 12:48 AM on Jul. 24, 2010 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 9 (300 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • No, don't buy him things. You need to sit down and have a heart to heart. Tell him that mommy made a big mistake, something you are not proud of. Tell him you apologize and that it will never happen again, mean what you say. Then, talk to him about what you can both do to share more time together.

    Answer by m-avi at 12:49 AM on Jul. 24, 2010

  • No not an "accident". I didnt mean to hurt him, but it was definitely a reactionary hit to him not listening. NOTHING he did warranted it.. maybe a stern voice, but i have been super stressed and tired. I cant express how awful i feel.

    m-avi - thats what i have to do. hope he can understand it though... and feel safe with me. i dont even know if it effected him nearly as much as it is me, but i still need to talk to him.

    Comment by redderbedder (original poster) at 12:53 AM on Jul. 24, 2010

  • Kids are very forgiving. It doesn't sound to me like you'll do it again, considering how bad you feel about it. Don't beat yourself up over it. Just explain to him that you're sorry, and that you shouldn't have done it. He'll get over it fine, and at least you learned a lesson of sorts. I'm sure most parents have had a moment like this at some point. I know mine did, and they were amazing parents. You do, however, really need to show him enough attention, so try to work on that. Best of luck! :)

    Answer by LovingSAHMommy at 12:53 AM on Jul. 24, 2010

  • thats what i have to do. hope he can understand it though... and feel safe with me. i dont even know if it effected him nearly as much as it is me, but i still need to talk to him."

    One time is not enough to make him lose trust in you. Children instinctively trust their mothers, unless the mother does a lot to make them lose trust. Like I said, I was spanked or smacked a few times when I was little when my parents had had absolutely enough. They were not at all abusive, it's just that sometimes they would snap for a second, then feel horrible about it. It was never a habit, and I never felt unloved. I've always been extremely close to them and they're the kindest people I know. Anyways, what I'm trying to explain is how even almost perfect parents slip up once in a while, but you obviously love your son, and just talk to him about...and he'll be fine.

    Answer by LovingSAHMommy at 12:58 AM on Jul. 24, 2010

  • I agree with m-avi. I'd sit down and talk to him about it, apologize and let him know how you feel. And maybe you can try extra hard to make it a point to spend quality time together, just you and him, on a more regular basis so he doesn't feel cast aside because of your daughter being born (you wouldn't want him to start feeling resentful of her either). *hugs* I'm not saying hitting your kids is okay but sometimes it takes little slip-ups like that to help you remember how special & precious your kiddos really are :)

    Answer by Bears.Mommy at 12:59 AM on Jul. 24, 2010

  • Look no one is perfect, but next time, just leave the room, count to 10 or more, at least until you calm down, then go back in and deal with him. My remedy is tickling because my nieces never suspect it. Why tickle? They hate it, and eventually they'll leave me alone for at least a minute.

    Answer by ambr2006 at 1:01 AM on Jul. 24, 2010

  • It's really hard on kids to have a new sibling. I have a 5 year old, 2 year old and 2 month old. My older ones drive me crazy the most when I haven't spent time with them, because they'll do anything to try to get attention. Try making time to play with him while the baby naps, and maybe you can snuggle together and read stories while you feed or hold the baby. You can also get him involved in taking care of your baby (getting a diaper or wipes, bringing you a blanket, etc.) to help him feel more involved.

    Good luck! I promise it gets better! :-)

    Answer by degsyuna at 1:05 AM on Jul. 24, 2010

  • I've apologized to my son at times.....after calming down, just take him aside and say-mommy is sorry she hit you/got mad/yelled/whatever. Mommy doesn't like getting mad but mommy also doesn't like it when you -fill in the blank-. I do love you very much and always will. Then a good long hug and kiss....nuff said. Most times if I explain why I got mad he doesn't repeat the reminds him that I am the mommy and in charge but that mommy's sometimes mess up too and it'sok....and it's a good reminder for you to know that it's important to take an extra second when you feel yourself getting super mad so you don't have those blow-ups/guilt.
    We aren't perfect but we can still love our kids and show them the right path.....

    Answer by connorsmom1970 at 1:09 AM on Jul. 24, 2010

  • BTW I agree with what degs can also make it a point to take him, just him, out for a special "date" maybe once a week just the two of you....go do something special that he wants....leave baby sis at home with Dad. Make it a point to spend one-on-one time--to make him feel extra important and special....

    Answer by connorsmom1970 at 1:13 AM on Jul. 24, 2010

  • Tell him you are sorry and that hitting was wrong. It's ok to apologize to a child. You will feel better and he will learn that it's not ok to hit but when you do then apologize. Learn from the experience and strive to never let it happen again. Don't beat yourself up over it. Just give him a big hug.

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:25 AM on Jul. 24, 2010

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