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If your daughter is demonstrating to you repeatedly that she is having accident because she doesn't want to make the effort to go, what do you do to convince her?

She has accidents in the bedroom next to the bathroom, pees on herself instead of leaving her game, tv, or nothing at all. I have tried grounding, spanking, talking, time outs but nothing seems to get the message through. Any ideas? She is seven years old, has had health issues with going poopy in the potty but never peeing. We are still struggling with the poopy potty training but she is no longer having accidents. She just won't go on her own and throw a fit when we make her, but we make her anyways. Any suggestions would be helpful.

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tiggerwest

Asked by tiggerwest at 2:19 AM on Jul. 24, 2010 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 2 (10 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • I think you should talk to her doctor or even maybe a child psychologist if this continues. I don't have any other advice on how to deal with it, really.
    LovingSAHMommy

    Answer by LovingSAHMommy at 2:50 AM on Jul. 24, 2010

  • having her talk to someone is actually a great idea i know a mom who her daughter didn't want to go she didnt know what else to do and ended up buying pull ups for her daughter to wear to school and after a while she started going on her own because she was embarrassed to have to wear the pull ups at her age. so it would be a good idea to have her talk to someone because then she would hopefully give a real reason for why she won't make the effort to go and its so much better than having to make her wear pull ups when she shouldn't have to.
    avasmommie711

    Answer by avasmommie711 at 3:05 AM on Jul. 24, 2010

  • try something positive....and never try the embarrassment thing...that's mean...that will stick with her for a long long time and think what she will think of you!

    every time my daughter used the potty she got a smiley face on a chart....after 5 smiley faces she got to watch a movie....then i changed things up when i realized the movie was coming too frequent....all the way to the point that if she had an accident-free day, that's when she got the smiley face....if she got 4 smiley faces in a week, she got movie night with popcorn on saturday night....if less than 4 smileys, no movie that week at all....eventually i increased it to 6 accident-free days.....when that was all conqured, i used the same system for the next goal, so she always had something to work toward..... whatever reward you choose has to be special and something that she ONLY gets for completing the task...and the system has to be well explained to her....
    FXmomTo3

    Answer by FXmomTo3 at 4:46 AM on Jul. 24, 2010

  • I want to explain to you, just to qualify where I'm coming from with my answer....my children all have autism...potty training was one of the hardest things I've been through with all three of my children. My daughters were able to understand the system and loved it, so that worked for them, but my son had to be time-trained and have immediate rewards, never edibles though. With him, we set a timer....and eventually he understood that every time that timer went off, he had to go to the bathroom....we started with every half hour, then 45 mins, then by the hour....then two hours....at that point he just started getting up and going every couple hours without us having to set a timer....and we eventually phased out the rewards....my oldest girl trained at 2 yrs old, my youngest girl at 6 and my son at 7......but i was told with my son, not to expect it to be a success....but it was....and I'm so happy !
    FXmomTo3

    Answer by FXmomTo3 at 4:51 AM on Jul. 24, 2010

  • sorry i didn't explain my son's rewards....we had his favourite toy in the drawer beside the toilet....whenever he'd go to the bathroom, he got to play with his toy for 5 minutes.....it was a drum....basically we'd use the drum to celebrate with right in the bathroom....then I'd say, okay, all done, let's put the drum away and he'd put it back in the drawer for next time...if he could take it out of the bathroom to play with, it would have been harder for him to give it up.....eventually we even just used handwashing as a reward because he loved water-play !

    oh !!!!!!! and showers ! when it came to bowel movements, we had a harder time with my son....because he LOVED showers...so he felt like he was being rewarded for pooping his pants by having a shower every time he did it ! so I stopped giving him a shower and simply used wipes to clean him up....but I gave him a shower whenever he pooped in the toilet....more below.
    FXmomTo3

    Answer by FXmomTo3 at 4:59 AM on Jul. 24, 2010

  • ....eventually I phased the shower out as a reward and started giving him showers at a set time each day....nothing he had to work toward, but at a time of day when it wasn't seen as rewarding a particular behaviour and consistent time daily so he understood it as part of a routine.....

    I hope all of this helps in some way ! feel free to use me as a sounding board for whatever you come up with...be prepared for it not to be an immediate success.....but to work hard at it....also be prepared for her to test it to see if you're really going to follow through with not giving the reward if she doesn't quite make the mark.....my kids do that and it's so obvious they are testing me....but once they see me follow through, they go back to doing what they need to in order to get that reward.
    FXmomTo3

    Answer by FXmomTo3 at 5:04 AM on Jul. 24, 2010

  • make her clean up the mess she makes, if you arn't already doing that. when my daughter would stand in frount of the toliet and poop in her underwear we made her wash the poop off her underwear and then put the under wear in the washer. after 2 times of that she stopped.
    happy-go-lucky

    Answer by happy-go-lucky at 12:21 PM on Jul. 24, 2010

  • I would get some professional help. This is very unusual.
    kemclaughlin

    Answer by kemclaughlin at 10:43 PM on Jul. 24, 2010

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