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50 yr old grandmother raising an 12 yr old grandson

I obtained guardianship of my grandson in March, we were strangers to each other other than voices on the phone ( I hadn't seen him since he was 1 and 1/2). Any pointers? He and I are finally establishing a bond and I don't want to blow this. So far, so good. What if I make a mistake? His mom is ill and living in a nursing home; he really don't seem to be to interested in forging a bond with his father (my oldest son), his stepmother ( he says it's something about her he doesn't like), or stepsisters, only with his 9 yr old younger brother. Although he and his father do seem to get along alright as long as his father comes to our home to spend time with him. His younger brother and he seemed to click the instant they met ( his brother spend half of the summer here with us). Someone please tell me what I should or should not do.

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debnich501960

Asked by debnich501960 at 10:07 AM on Jul. 24, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 12 (861 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • Parenting is not a should or should not. Its a trial and error, esp. since you guys havent really known each other. Just be open, be willing to talk, AND TO LISTEN, maybe try not to be too pushy. Set boundaries he sounds like hes feeling you out maybe if he learns he can trust you it will be a smoother ride than you think! All i can say is just be there, and dont be afraid of some form of discipline, you are now his guardian not his best friend! GL
    sweetstkissez22

    Answer by sweetstkissez22 at 10:16 AM on Jul. 24, 2010

  • Good luck and God Bless!
    I do notice that you put your ages in your question. You could very well be the mom at 50 of a 12 year old, having had him at 38. Do not let the age get in your way!
    kjrn79

    Answer by kjrn79 at 10:24 AM on Jul. 24, 2010

  • I agree with all that has been said. Get a good bond established now because you are heading into the teen years. Do things you both enjoy. Have the rules established, give praise when appropriate, and tons of hugs and kisses (if he allows it!). Get some good books on discipline and teens. Dr. Phil has some good ones out there. Best wishes.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 10:30 AM on Jul. 24, 2010

  • more.....and make sure you and dad are on same page where the rules are concerned. Make sure he stays connected.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 10:31 AM on Jul. 24, 2010

  • Well he is going through A LOT!!!! It is so great he has a grandma like you who cares. There are some many kids who would have had to go to foster homes yet your grandson has you! YOu both are still adjusting. His dad and him well i don't know the story there but work on it with him. I hated my step mom since my dad married her almost 15 years ago lol so he may never like his step mom. Above all LOVE HIM HOLD HIM CUDDLE HIM YES EVEN BABY HIM THE POOR THING OBVIOUSLY HAS BEEN THROUGH A LOT!
    delilahsmom1177

    Answer by delilahsmom1177 at 11:21 AM on Jul. 24, 2010

  • First of all let me applaude you for taking on such a task. Being a single mom at my age (30) isnt easy so I can imagine what it like at your age (nothing wrong with that at all)... I agree with what is being said. Its going to take a while because it has been so long since the two of you have physically seen each other in a long time.. Give him some time to get used to you and you him. Still set the boundaries and let him know that you will be there for him if he needs anything. Let him know that if he needs to talk to you at anytime then you are there. Hope this helps!!!!
    semajsmom98

    Answer by semajsmom98 at 9:42 AM on Jul. 25, 2010

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