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What would you do if you thought that you hubby was depressed? (counseling isnt an option either lol)

i do believe that my man has been very down and out for a while. the bills and stress of work and not being able to afford the nicer things that he wants is beginning to take a toll on him. there seems to be nothing that i say or do that makes this any better either. i tried giving him space, but that wasnt being supportive. i tried being extra loving and affectionate, but he says that he knows i love him and i dont have to over do it. then i try suggesting ways to cut back our spending and budget the money, he says he doesnt want to live being a bored tightwad thats stuck in the house all the time. i work part time, and i asked if he would like me to give him more on the bills, he didnt seem to like that idea either but i am going to try it. he feels bad bc he has been working hard onnly to give his money away in bills and cant buy anything for himself. is there anything i can do for this other than pay all bills myself?

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secondtyme520

Asked by secondtyme520 at 1:24 PM on Jul. 24, 2010 in Relationships

Level 13 (1,344 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • We are so much in debt right now we stay home most of the time and have actually started enjoying each other's company again. We do netflix and so that is the joke now....what's netflix sent this week? We both got really depressed but I got out of it sooner because I found a rewarding part time job. I talked to my DH and mentioned how we are still better off then people who have lost their homes, their loved ones, etc. I thought of quite a long list when I talked to him.

    Now, on top of this he has just been laid off, but we talk about things often and he is dealing with it OK. The next test will be when he starts interviewing. We have always had written goals and saved to reach those goals. I don't know if you will find any of this helpful. GL
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:35 PM on Jul. 24, 2010

  • Every pay day put a little bit of money away and at the end of the month use that money to go on a date that way you guys can get out and have some fun and you will be doing something for him to make him feel appreciated. Work up a budget with him where you pay all the bills and then decide what to do with the left over money, this should include some savings and some fun money that way you can still have fun, but won't overspend and have to worry. You could also pick up more hours at work to put towards household expenses. Other than that I don't what would help your DH because he sounds like he is so miserable that everything you try he dismisses, does he have any close friends maybe suggest that he have a guy's night where he can forget all about his worries for a night a week.
    amandajoy21

    Answer by amandajoy21 at 1:38 PM on Jul. 24, 2010

  • 1. Budget the money anyway- he might find that it gives you a little extra at the end of the month to go out for a break, dinner or a movie or something like that. Budgeting is smart to do because it tells you how much you are spending and where you can cut back, and you know how much you have if one of you wants a night out or something. Budgeting and cutting back non-essentials doesn't mean you have to be bored at home all the time, it just means you're being smarter about spending habits and ensuring that you can have fun every now and then without worrying about running short due to something unexpected.
    2. Sit down and talk to him; when DH gets depressed he doesn't want to talk but if I don't make him talk about it he just bottles it up until something sets him off, and then we fight over some ridiculous thing, and it turns out he was all depressed and didn't feel like talking about it
    preacherskid

    Answer by preacherskid at 1:46 PM on Jul. 24, 2010

  • First off I'd remind him the recession is not over despite what the news says. I would then tell him that if you cut back it will only be for a while, not forever. Then I'd hug his neck and tell him that I think he rocks! If the kids are not around I'd do more than that! Woo Hoo!!!
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:57 PM on Jul. 24, 2010

  • You may want to let him know that he's not alone. WELCOME TO MY WORLD... It will be a very long time before we recover. We have cut back soooo much that we no longer get a paper, our phone only rings, we have no cell phones, haven't been out to dinner in YEARS...Nothing... we just exist. It is what happens when people get laid off and the economy goes to hell in a handbasket. We just look at it in a different light ~ we are all healthy and they haven't taken our house... it can always be worse!
    WoodWitch

    Answer by WoodWitch at 2:19 PM on Jul. 24, 2010

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