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We were supposed to go pick out our wedding rings today, but then he told me he doesn't wanna get married right now because....

I have been "dressing down," not wearing make up as much as I used to and "not making an effort" to look good for him. He said something like "It's pretty bad you're only 22 years old and you go around looking like you're 40." He thinks that me not dressing up means that I don't care about him or what he thinks of me I guess.

Wellll.... we have 4 kids -- a 4 yr old, a 2 yr old and 2 month old twins. Plus, I work full-time night shift, come home every morning and have to take care of the kids and I barely get any sleep at all. So how does he expect me to have the energy or the motivation to make myself up every day?!

Basically, my question is... would you be upset if your SO said this to you? Or do you see his point of view and think I'm being too sensitive?

Maybe I am over reacting but this really hurt my feelings : (

PS. He also mentioned the fact that we haven't been getting along that great lately...

 
JenMarie2007

Asked by JenMarie2007 at 2:52 PM on Jul. 24, 2010 in Relationships

Level 13 (1,208 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (27)
  • yes i would be highly pissed off if my dh said that to me. i remember your status update saying you were so excited about gettingmarried:( sorry he's being a jerk. he's copping out of getting married. you JUST had twins..what does he expect?? i think you should find someone who deserves you.
    mywonderyears

    Answer by mywonderyears at 2:55 PM on Jul. 24, 2010

  • Hon, I don't mean to be harsh...but it's been 5 years and 4 kids...he has no intention of marrying you. If he did, he would have already done it. You deserve better!
    yourspecialkid

    Answer by yourspecialkid at 3:00 PM on Jul. 24, 2010

  • I'd be beyond ticked. He sounds very shallow by saying that. There is more to relationship then "looking good" all the time. . .btw does HE make an effort to "dress nice"?
    ColtsFan1912

    Answer by ColtsFan1912 at 2:54 PM on Jul. 24, 2010

  • I think you should always try to look your best, no matter what your age nor how long you have been married; but I think you should look good for yourself and not just to please your husband. I think this guy does not want to get married, and he is only making whatever excuse is most convenient. You have 4 children with a man who seemingly is so shallow he would deny you marriage because of the way you look. This is a problem. You can do one of two things: you can issue him an ultimatum--either marriage by a certain date or you're done. That's not a very good option because you have 4 children who need their daddy, if he willing to be a daddy to them. The other option is to say nothing and accept that he will likely never marry you because he is not willing to make that kind of commitment to you. In that case, I would certainly let the children know when they are old enough that they should not repeat my mistakes.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 3:01 PM on Jul. 24, 2010

  • Let me get this straight you have had 4 kids by him and he thinks you still need to be worried about dolling up for him? Buy his butt a Barbie and tell him to marry her and pay you child support. The nerve of this ass.
    treynlisa

    Answer by treynlisa at 3:04 PM on Jul. 24, 2010

  • This--I'd be beyond ticked. He sounds very shallow by saying that. There is more to relationship then "looking good" all the time. . .btw does HE make an effort to "dress nice"?
    itsallabtthem84

    Answer by itsallabtthem84 at 2:56 PM on Jul. 24, 2010

  • You just had babies two months ago, work full time at night and then come home and take care of the twins AND two other children and he's pissed because you don't go around dressed up all the time? He's being an ass and that's putting it nicely. It seems to me that you are engaged to an immature brat that needs to grow up. This is not 1940 where you need to follow Redbook's guide to keep your man happy.
    layh41407

    Answer by layh41407 at 2:57 PM on Jul. 24, 2010

  • He sounds shallow and hurtful. If someone gave me an ultimatum about marrying me, then I'd think it was time to give serious thought about whether plans I had for life with him were a good idea or not.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 2:55 PM on Jul. 24, 2010

  • It sounds like you do it all. I feel very sorry for you. That was very wrong of him. Maybe he just wants out, it could be to much for him to handle. I wish you luck. "HUGS"
    sta517

    Answer by sta517 at 2:59 PM on Jul. 24, 2010

  • Also, we have been together for 5 years so I thought by now he would care about me for me and not be so worried about my appearance. IDK. I am so confused. When he first brought this up I was ready to pack my stuff and go to my moms. But now I'm thinking maybe he is right. What do you all think?

    Shit girl dont let this bastard make you feel that way. He isnt right. He cares only about himself, appearance, and objects. Its not like you're walking around in day old clothes, never showering or brushing you're hair. Instead of you packing up and leaving kick his ass to the curb. You deserve better. Never let a man make you feel ugly or worthless.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 3:20 PM on Jul. 24, 2010

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