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i am a trigger. adult content

recently, everytime i touch my SO in a sexual way, it brings up her past abuse. i feel so sad. i wish i could heal her and make her feel better. she is really struggling right now. i dont know how to help her. i dont know what to do. i would never hurt her, i would never want to make her sad. but it seems that it is all i can do lately. she is going to see a head docter next week to help work thru some stuff. i am scared to touch her now, and i am scared that we will never be able to be intimate again. does any one else go thru this? how can i help her? PLEASE HELP ME.


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Asked by Anonymous at 4:20 PM on Jul. 24, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • I think you should just be there for her and listen to her. Let her work out her problems and be there when she needs you. Wait to be sexual till she is ready.

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 4:21 PM on Jul. 24, 2010

  • Yeah I agree with mommy of two....just be there for her...let her come to you. Don't push anything

    Answer by NatesMommy118 at 4:25 PM on Jul. 24, 2010

  • It is not you. You are trying to be loving and caring. She needs to go to the counselor, but she also needs to know you still love and care. This is hard on her, as well as you. If you need to touch, as if it is ok first. Be supportive, tell her you love her a lot. Don't ask for her to touch you, but let her know that it is ok if she wants too.
    I've been raped. I held it in for years and then it all came flooding back to me. I was a mess for awhile, but counseling helped me out. Just be there and let her know you are there to listen or to offer a hug if she wants it.
    Good luck. I know this hurts you too, but hang in there. She needs you.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:25 PM on Jul. 24, 2010

  • I agree and why would u care about bashing when u are doing what makes u happy.

    Answer by mamaofficer at 4:26 PM on Jul. 24, 2010

  • Right now you just need to sit back and support her. It's going to take time for her to realize that she needs to move on from the past and not allow the negative things to take over her future. Honestly just support her and hopefully she'll move on from what's happened to her in the past.

    Answer by DesertRose75 at 4:26 PM on Jul. 24, 2010

  • I agree with anon. I'm a victim of abuse and rape and it takes time to heal. I wish I had someone to help me through it at the time but I didn't. Like I said the best thing you can do is be there for her.

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 4:27 PM on Jul. 24, 2010

  • I have been through this. It was impossible for me to have a healthy relationship with another until I dealt with all my issues, and I did that in counseling, it was the best thing I ever did for myself and I have a wonderful marriage today. My best advice would be to be patient and supportive, help her work through everything, she'll come to you when she's ready, just stand by and love her. In the beginning of my relationship with my husband I did just about everything I could to push him away because I knew I was falling in love with him and that made me vulnerable so it scared me so I did try to push him away emotionally. His love was constant, he never gave up on me, and stood firm and so I knew he was in it for the long haul and he was and we have a really wonderful blessed marriage now for the past 5 years and 2 children. True soul mates. So hang in there and if you really love her stand firm, stay strong, good luck.

    Answer by AshleyBDG at 4:40 PM on Jul. 24, 2010

  • Buy the book "The courage to heal" and the workbook with it. It helps a lot and addresses this exact issue.

    Answer by bjane01 at 5:02 PM on Jul. 24, 2010

  • Why would anyone bash you?? That would be heartless. I agree with all PPers. Maybe after awhile she will invite you to join her at the therapist. In the mean time, you may want to talk with one yourself. This has got to be very hard on you as well.

    Answer by Raine2001 at 6:15 PM on Jul. 24, 2010

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