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2 Bumps

I don't know if I want to have a baby or not...

My SO and I are getting married in 5 months on our 4 year anniversary. We have had the "baby talk" countless times, we were both in agreement that neither of us really wanted children. Well, a few close friends of ours are expecting and it has got me second guessing if I want a baby or not. I have told him this and he tells me that he "wants to be with me more than anything, so if I want to have a baby, we will have a baby."

It has been hitting me more and more though. If I decide I want a child/children, I definitely don't want to "force" someone into having a baby that doesn't. I have made countless lists of pros and cons, and I am still unsure if I want to eventually have a baby or not. And with our wedding fast approaching I feel as if this is something that I need to figure out... any tips or anything about what I should do?

Answer Question
 
tohaveornot

Asked by tohaveornot at 6:31 PM on Jul. 24, 2010 in Parenting Debate

Level 2 (5 Credits)
Answers (16)
  • what are your pros and cons if you have alot of cons and arent really sure you might just want to wait.. good luck!
    megan1089

    Answer by megan1089 at 6:34 PM on Jul. 24, 2010

  • I would say give it some time. Chances are you're looking at your friends baby and seeing the romanticized version... It doesn't mean that all your reasons for not wanting kids in the first place aren't still there... Just that you are forgetting about them! I would say take a step back and give it some time. If in 6 months or a year you are still wanting a baby, talk to your DH again...
    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 6:34 PM on Jul. 24, 2010

  • If you are having second thought of the having or not having kids . You need to find out how your SO really feels about it. Before you get married. If he reall does not want any. You need to not marry him.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 6:37 PM on Jul. 24, 2010

  • Well, short version:

    Pros:
    the experience, having a family of my own

    Cons: Children cost lots of money, loss of spontaneity, life long "commitment"
    tohaveornot

    Comment by tohaveornot (original poster) at 6:39 PM on Jul. 24, 2010

  • it sounds like he will be ok with it if eventually you want a child. give it a few more years anyway. it is a big step to think about children.
    cassie_m

    Answer by cassie_m at 6:40 PM on Jul. 24, 2010

  • i was the exact same way..but married my husband he had children already and we had talked about having some just later on in life and well we just had our first after 8yrs...now we wish we had of started so much sooner bc shes such a blessing..your heart will lead you in the right direction
    jorjiegirl

    Answer by jorjiegirl at 6:41 PM on Jul. 24, 2010

  • thank you everyone for your words of wisdom and advice
    tohaveornot

    Comment by tohaveornot (original poster) at 6:42 PM on Jul. 24, 2010

  • It is important that before you get married you make sure that you are both on the same page regarding children. Some of the pros you mentioned the experience, having a family of your own you forgot a few unconditional love (at least until they are teenagers...jk), the joy of watching them experience the world, and getting to relive your own childhood. While the cons are all valid the pros far outweigh them. Just make sure you both know what you want so you can both be happy in your relationship.

    BTW...My son is 3 and I am still able to spontaneous it just takes more time to get ready, but yes evening plans might be interrupted but there is always grandma.
    amandajoy21

    Answer by amandajoy21 at 7:08 PM on Jul. 24, 2010

  • You come to a mom only site to ask moms if you should be a mom or not?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:22 PM on Jul. 24, 2010

  • It sounds like you SO is commited to you no matter what. So, relax and re-visit it later on.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 7:30 PM on Jul. 24, 2010

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