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IPutting an active 8.5 month old to sleep.

My DD is almost 9 and has a really hard going to sleep both at night and for naps. I have tried both the crying out method and the Ferber method, but its tearing me inside and she is so hysterical that I just can't do it to her. Plus when I tried the Ferber method and would check on her, she would be all wet from the tears and being sweaty from crying. She has also learned a few weeks to stand up by herself, so now putting her to sleep has become even harder because even with the Ferber method, she is up jumping in her crib holding on and gets up as soon as I quietly lay her down. I have read books and websites that say just let her practice her new acquired skills as much as possible during the day, which I do, but she still wants to get up at night. Is it too late to sleep train her at this point, I dont want to rock her to sleep until the age of 3 and beyond, and at this rate, thats what I see us doing.

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:21 PM on Jul. 24, 2010 in Babies (0-12 months)

Answers (13)
  • she is about the age my daughter was when i made ferbur work. i know it seems so cruel but i did the same thing for so long. i couldnt handle her crying, so i would give in after 10 minutes or so. so a friend of mine was over and i put the baby to bed trying to do this yet again and she helped me. she kind of gave me support so i didnt feel like i was neglecting my baby. but night one took about a half hour. night two only took ten minutes and since she is out in a matter of minutes and no longer cries about it. even though it feel s horrible and its so hard, once you get through the first 2 nights its easy as pie. for you and for your baby.

    Answer by cassie_m at 11:26 PM on Jul. 24, 2010

  • do you have a routine with her? do something like give her a bath, lotion her up, read her a book while rocking her. are you putting her down when she's tired? to transition her to falling asleep on her own, start slow. rock her until she's really tired, not until she falls asleep. when she looks as if she's about to fall asleep, then put her to bed. then gradually work it until you can lay her down tired without having to rock her. if she cries, as long as she's tired, the CIO/ ferber method done correctly will work. it will not work if she's not tired. GL

    Answer by armywife43 at 11:27 PM on Jul. 24, 2010

  • I totally understand!! I tried the CIO Method and the Ferber Method and my daughter makes herself throw up. So she sleeps with us! Which is fine with me and my husband so it works for us. Look at it this way if you have to rock her to sleep everyday how long is it going to last until she is 4? The thing is babies be babies last for such a short time why not embrace it while you can! I know I do! :)

    Answer by Ericaanne85 at 11:28 PM on Jul. 24, 2010

  • I don't believe in CIO. I think it's wrong to just leave a baby all alone to cry, but if you have a baby that's very difficult to sleep train, then I do believe in Ferber. I had to Ferber my first 2 babies and my have to Ferber my now 3rd baby. You are making matters worse by not committing. You tried Ferber then gave in. Now any time you try the crib your baby will go into hysterics because it worked before. Just do Ferber, but don't give super consistant. And since your baby is very sensitive (mine were too), decrease the time between checks. Ferber even suggests doing that in his book if your baby is really upset. This is the time scale I use: 2 min, 3 min, 5 min, 7 min, 10 min, 12 min, 15 min and then I hold at 15 min instead of 20. I also had to turn the ceiling fan on and the AC down 2 degrees the week I sleep trained because my DD would get all hot and sweaty too.

    Answer by ThrivingMom at 11:30 PM on Jul. 24, 2010

  • oh yeah, like the pp said, the first 2-3 days will be hard. thankfully i didn't have to do it with dd, i had her going to bed at 8pm since she was 4wks old, but with my first (ds), i had to do CIO. i sat outside his room each time, it took about 4-5 days, but by the 4th day it was easier. the time crying got shorter and shorter. if you have to, maybe put a couple quiet age appropriate toys in the crib with her. sometimes i'd throw in a couple books and quiet toys with my ds and he would play with them for a few minutes then pass right out, not even crying. this was after i got him used to being in his bed by himself though. it also helped for when he woke up in the morning, he'd have some toys to play with instead of yelling for me right away. he would play until he got bored with them lol.

    Answer by armywife43 at 11:32 PM on Jul. 24, 2010

  • ok, so that nobody is confused, when i say CIO, i mean ferber. some people don't know what the ferber method is, they know CIO though. like when i first did it, i had no idea it was called ferber, i just thought it was CIO...but i did it the 'ferber way', having no idea there was a name for it until i got on here lol. although i do believe that the older they get, you can add a couple more minutes on to let them cry before you go to check on them. so out of habit i just call it CIO instead of ferber.

    Answer by armywife43 at 11:39 PM on Jul. 24, 2010

  • I've never really looked into any of the "methods", just kind of did my own thing. DD doesn't generally have a scheduled bed time, since we stay up late anyway. Generally I'll let her hang out and play until she starts acting tired (rubbing her eyes, slowing down, getting a little crabby). Take her up, read her a story (if I haven't already), and tuck her in (we have our own little routine for this), and she typically goes to bed with a smile and a giggle. So it's a good relaxing end of the day for both of us.

    If I try to put her to bed before she's actually tired, it's hell for both of us. But I rarely have any trouble unless we end up waiting too late for whatever reason (extra errands, etc. and getting home super late) and she's overly tired. On those nights, she usually has to cry it out (singing, rocking, etc just seems to keep her up longer and makes matters worse).

    Answer by coder_chick at 11:39 PM on Jul. 24, 2010

  • She is 8 months, don't worry about when she is 3 now. Breastfeed her to sleep. If she wakes up if you put her down just hold her for her whole nap. Sleep with her at night or put her in a bed close to yours after she has fallen into deep sleep. Don't rock.

    I have taken care of my grandson since he was that age and didn't have magic breasts that make milk. I hate that! It makes it so much harder. I hold him when he is tired and let him sleep on my chest or in my arms. If he is sleepy but not wanting to go to sleep I'll play music videos on the computer. He likes that and it will put him to sleep. If I watch him in the evening he will just crawl in my lap or on my chest if we are playing on my bed and fall asleep. No tears ever.


    Answer by Gailll at 6:32 AM on Jul. 25, 2010

  • FYI Five hours is considered a sleep through. The VAST majority of babies wake every 3-4 hours on average for needed feeds and/or peeing. They wake more during growth spurts, teething, and new milestones. In the first year, sleep patterns change a lot and a baby may sleep a long stretch one week during a growth spurt and the next wake frequently. All normal. Sleep patterns don't really settle into a more mature pattern until age three or four. Some babies sleep a lot in the first half of the year, but end up waking more later. There is nothing "bad" about a baby that doesn't sleep long stretches of more than four to six hours...they aren't bad sleepers as some say. They are quite normal. It's actually we adults who have forgotten how to sleep effectively because we watch the clock too much.

    Answer by amileegirl at 8:49 AM on Jul. 25, 2010

  • There is usually no need to "put" babies to sleep or to "make" them sleep or "train" them to sleep. They KNOW how to sleep. What the general US population doesn't like is night parenting and some pass on the misinformation that most babies sleep hours and hours (not true) and if they do they are thus "good". Ferber is cruel. If a caregiver did the things people do to babies, to their ailing senile grea-grandmother they'd be LIVID!

    what you want to do is work WITH a babies patterns so that YOU can make adaptations. It's okay to encourage a babies natural patterns into one that more matches with yours, but if you force it (as you can see) it is stressful and usually backfires. A baby who feels safe and secure and doesn't epect stress doesn't need to be trained and doesn't require elaborate rituals when its time to sleep because they WANT to sleep. Sleep for them is a pleasant experience.

    Answer by amileegirl at 8:54 AM on Jul. 25, 2010

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