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What to do with meddling parents?

My Mom & Step-Dad became very upset with the fact that I was letting my fiance help me with raising my two children. This all broke out exactly two years ago and got very Jerry Springer-ish with name calling, threatening with the law, etc. She is now starting the saga over (as of last night). I had tried to mend all this before the birth of my son (he just turned 1), but it's not been the close relationship we shared previously. Do I give her an ultimatim (sp?) that she must accept this man I have chosen to be with or else I will all but sever my ties with her? What do I do/ say to her? I just wish she would realize that I am an adult and that if she cared about having a relationship with me then she would accept whomever I chose for the sake of our family. I just want peace in my life...once and for all.

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teenie2g1b

Asked by teenie2g1b at 3:05 PM on Oct. 2, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (13)
  • Wellllllll personally I had to learn from my younger brother that you just have to do what makes you happy and your parents have to roll with it or not roll at all. Parents mean well and think they are helping by expressing their concerns you just have to say to her "this is what it is now what do you want your part to be in our lives?"
    Whoistheboss

    Answer by Whoistheboss at 3:08 PM on Oct. 2, 2008

  • I would tell her how you feel. If she really has a problem then she needs to deal with it. I know that my husband had a falling out with his mother years ago and he did not talk to her for 4 years. She did not see my kids or anything in that time. At on point she tried to see them and I had to tell her that until she fixed things with him that she would not be allowed to see the kids.

    Now they have worked things out and although at times it is still strained, for me mostly, she is in our lives.

    I think that life is to short and if she wants to be a part of yours then she needs to except things the way they are. I am sure she wants what is best for you so you have to let her know that you are happy and this is what is best for you.

    Good Luck
    cornflakegirl3

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 3:10 PM on Oct. 2, 2008

  • And let me tell you, my daughter is almost one and my mother, not really my dad, always has something to say about what I do with my daughter. I just started back working and my daughter has been going to a perfectly great babysitter that lives literally 10 houses down from my parents house and my mother still nitpicks (to me) this woman who is about 60 or so and been watching kids for over 20 years, I went to junior high and high school with her youngest daughter. I just take it one ear and out the other.
    Whoistheboss

    Answer by Whoistheboss at 3:12 PM on Oct. 2, 2008

  • i would. it's your life and not hers. why wouldn't you have your fiance take part in raising your kids. isn't that what they should do? i'm grateful that my hubby accepted my 3 kids and thinks of them as his own. i sure he can't say that he loves them as his own just yet since it has been about 6 months now but in time he will. we should be lucky that this happens and not have it be hampered by stupid people. tell her it's your way or the high way for her. she is being naive and ridiculous.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 3:42 PM on Oct. 2, 2008

  • why does she have a problem with your fiancee helping with the kids? is he mean to them?
    ryonnasmom

    Answer by ryonnasmom at 4:10 PM on Oct. 2, 2008

  • i would kindly explain that if she loves you and your kids she will be happy you are happy, does she give a reason she doesnt like him? my mom hates my boyfriend and the only thing i can is because he takes me and my kids away for weekends and such he supports me and my two daughters and have given me the chance (that i am taking) to stay in school where as b4 him my mother wanted me to drop out of college (no one ever believes me but i seriously think my mother is scared i will do better then her or be happier then her) so i would let it go i dont let my mom say anything bad about my bf period she can chose not to say anything but she will not say anything bad, just the other day she told me she "knows we wont be together for long" which i wanted to reach through the phone and smack her but i took a deep breath and acted like she said nothing
    mommie2twogirls

    Answer by mommie2twogirls at 5:07 PM on Oct. 2, 2008

  • Point out to her that your children need a father figure at home and that you were very careful about who you chose to be that for them. (You were, I take it.)
    texann

    Answer by texann at 7:00 PM on Oct. 2, 2008

  • We dated several months b4 I introduced him to the girls, & several more before he moved in. They feel he is too strict, but he is firm & consistent (which translates into effective!) They see this as being mean. The whole thing went out of control before & we didn't talk for 6 mos. She started being civil to both of us when I was 4mos pregnant. She threatened court for grandparent's rights when I wouldn't answer the phone every time she cd. She drove by my house then go home & call. She accused me of not answering at times when I wasn't home! Her problem is that no one has ever confronted her when she is bashing them & my fiance did. He asked her why she had a prob w/ him & she went off! And he stood up for me when she was going off on me! She apologized to me but refused to give him the same courtesy. He won't speak to her, but she tries to act like everything's ok now that we have a child together.
    teenie2g1b

    Answer by teenie2g1b at 10:42 PM on Oct. 2, 2008

  • Hey girl, I read your post.. This is a long one so be prepared...lol You know me, never a quick answer. Here are a few resources

    Grandparents do not have rights unless visitation is ordered by a judge.. Which means that the grandparents have to take the parents to court and petition for such. They are not promised any visitation nor do they automatically have rights once the child is born.

    You parents need to understand that you are a grown woman. If they can't seem to get that, it's time to let them know that if they want to continue to have anything to do with your family, they don't have to agree with your choices but they need to respect that they are yours. I would suggest that your fiance not have anything to do with your mother other then the occasional hello.

    Preggalious81

    Answer by Preggalious81 at 4:11 AM on Oct. 4, 2008

  • Part 2

    Make sure that if you do decide to keep the kids away from the grandparents that you are doing it because you sincerly believe that it is in their best interests. Please don't use them as pawns because you are mad at your mother. It is very important for your children to have a relationship with their grandparents. I can't stand my ex mother in law, (even before the divorce) she even treatened to kill me serveral times, but I know that she loves my children and they do need a relationship with her simply because she is their grandmother. However it will soon be limited, since she is also becoming very controlling. So I know how that can be. Hang in there and if nothing else. educate yourself on your state laws and who has what rights. You can call your local school of law and they should offer free help or community courses for free.

    But here are some links....

    Preggalious81

    Answer by Preggalious81 at 4:12 AM on Oct. 4, 2008

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