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How can my fiance' adopt my older 2 children?

I have 3 children. My oldest 2(a boy and a girl) have the same father and my youngest is to my fiance'. The father of the older 2 has not been in their life since my son, the oldest of them who is 10 was about a yr. and a half and he's never been in my daughters life. I met my fiance' when my oldest daughter was 7-8 months old and the only man she's ever known as "Daddy" is my fiance (not her biological father). He would love nothing more than to adopt them, but I don't see their bilogical father terminating his rights willingly. Now, mind you, I'd never deny my children the right to see or talk to their biological father as I don't want them to possibly resent me 4 it. My oldest 2 have called my fiance' "Daddy" for 7 of the 8 yrs. we've been together. How can I make this transition a little easier w/o it seeming like I'm trying to get rid of their biological father completely and w/o good reason?


Asked by LovingParent08 at 3:15 PM on Oct. 2, 2008 in Adoption

Level 7 (166 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (4)
  • They are old enough to go before a judge and request that their father's rights be terminated so, your SO can adopt them. It would be much easier if you were married but, still possible. You should go talk to a lawyer and see what they say. It shouldn't be hard and their BF shouldn't have anything to say when his children that he hasn't shed a tear for all these years say they want a different father. After you talk to the lawyer then talk to your kids and see if they are up for it. They may have to talk to the judge in front of their BF so, be sure they are up for it. It cost us 2,000 dollars for a contested stepparent adoption. I can't see it costing you that much.

    Answer by matthewscandi at 8:34 PM on Oct. 2, 2008

  • I understand that he's not acting like a committed father, but why exactly is it necessary for him to relinquish his parental rights? My boys are fortunate that their father is in their lives but they also claim my current husband (their step dad). By marriage my husband has the ability to list the boys on his insurance, as beneficiaries on insurance policies, etc. As an adoptee myself, having your birth heritage legally severed really complicates things down the road that have nothing to do with parenting. For example, access to medical history, access to other members of that side of the family, right to inheritance from that side of the family, etc. There are many families out there that have more than one "father" or "mother" figure and children are able to accept support from more than just the traditional 2 parent model. Why cut her off permanently from some of the non-parenting aspects of her heritage?

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 7:40 PM on Oct. 3, 2008

  • They could still get medical history and access to their birth fathers family. You could say the same thing about the stepfather. They have no rights to any inheritance from him and who is to say they will get it from their father all he has to do is put in a will that they are not included in his children and they will not be included. They have never had support from their BF from what I understand in the question. NTM, they are older they probably want to be adopted by their SF. Their SF is their ONLY father so, they should be able to carry his name. And he should have that right also, if their mother dies they would end up with people they don't know and their SF would loose children he has been caring for for many years. Revocation of parental right only complicates things if the adults let it and she said she would never deny her children the right to see him.

    Answer by matthewscandi at 9:03 PM on Oct. 3, 2008

  • My husband adopted my two oldest boys from my previous marriage. I was fortunate enough to have my ex-husband sign the papers necessary to facilitate that; however, I did pick up a book at the local library at the time that walked you step-by-step through the process of step-parent adoption for my state (CA)...and there are also very helpful websites online...hope this helps.

    Answer by admsfmlywmn at 9:07 PM on Oct. 5, 2008