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2 Bumps

When your hubby is in a bad mood are they still as affectionate towards you? adult content

my hubby frequently gets into a rut over money and bills and walls himself off from me it seems. and then its like no matter what i do it doesnt help him much. he isnt in the mood for sex much, he is very quiet and doesnt have any kind of positive vibes coming from him. it gets hard for me to be around him then because his moods start to wear off on me! and after feeling like he rejects my attempts at being affectionate (touching his face, rubbing his back, telling him i love him and everything will work out, etc). sometimes i start to think its because he doesnt want to be with me, but then when i mention that he is adamant about how much he loves me and that its the pressure that gets to him and its not me. but how else am i supossed to take it when its affecting our love and sex life? i have tried asking if i could help more with budgeting and paying the bills but he doesnt let me in, i would have to force my way in.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:51 AM on Jul. 25, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • I recently had a conversation with my husband. I told him that I know he has a lot of weight on his shoulders with bills. I told him all i can do and all I have to offer is changing diapers. Or making dinner, rubbing his back. I can offer to get a part time job working hours he is not so he can watch the baby. That is all I have to offer. I let him know that I do understand and care that he has most of the households weight on his shoulders. If you think it will turn into a fight maybe try writing a letter and having him read it so he cannot cut you off. Make sure you tell him that you get it. I told my husband I was sorry that I know I do not have a magical speech to make him feel better. I hope you figure it out soon!
    perrones10789

    Answer by perrones10789 at 10:57 AM on Jul. 25, 2010

  • Yes... Unless it's me that pissed him off... He's still lovey to me and the kids.
    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 10:57 AM on Jul. 25, 2010

  • That doesn't sound normal, even if he's mad, he has to be strong for YOU... By not letting you help with the budget and bills- he sounds controling and... might need professional help.
    MDT09

    Answer by MDT09 at 10:58 AM on Jul. 25, 2010

  • I know where you are coming from here. Its seems like we go thru this a lot too. One min he is harping on the money issue and the next it seems like the last thing on his mind. I don't know what I can tell you that you havn't tried. Just be there and he will understand it. HOpe things work out.
    lostdarkangel13

    Answer by lostdarkangel13 at 11:00 AM on Jul. 25, 2010

  • i think it's just human nature to not want to be around someone you're spatting with
    angevil53

    Answer by angevil53 at 11:08 AM on Jul. 25, 2010

  • My DH gets like this at times and it helps when I tell him my feelings and how his mood is affecting not only me but the whole atmosphere around the house. Good Luck!
    DessC

    Answer by DessC at 11:09 AM on Jul. 25, 2010

  • You are reacting to each other. It is common and often comes naturally in marriage, especially for us women. It can be a big problem because if you are reacting to one another's moods then that means you aren't talking or communicating what's going on with each other, feelings, needs etc. Communicating about feelings can be the hard part for men. So what happens is a cycle of reaction that has to be broken with communication. Find a way to start talking out how you feel and what you need from each other. You really have to make an effort to guard yourself from his negativity and direct your own mood instead of riding the vibes to wherever they take you. Myt hubby and I had this same problem. Communication is the only way to get somewhere. When my hubby is in a bad mood, I am more affectionate towards HIM. He does respond to that and it helps him to relax. But only now that we communicate effectively.
    NikkiMomof2grls

    Answer by NikkiMomof2grls at 11:09 AM on Jul. 25, 2010

  • We have this problem too , only it dosent interfere with affection or sex, but i find hes quiet and wants to do nothing at home but zone out in tv shows like csi or all those crime shows, i hate them. We are dealing with his ex and mortgages but she wont let us live in the houses he pays for so we are living with his dad with our 2 baby girls and paying huge bills. I know just how you feel , it will get better , stay positve yourself and dont let it drag you down or it will affect your health.
    maymummy

    Answer by maymummy at 11:11 AM on Jul. 25, 2010

  • No, he is not an overly affectionate person in the first place any way. He tries to be for me when he is not in a bad mood but he can withdraw when he's stressed out. When he gets like that I just try to do the things he wants. Like taking care of kids and house. Letting him be. The more I give him space the more likely he is to talk to me about it. When he does talk I don't say anything unless he asks me a question. I just listen. Men aren't women and they deal with things differently.
    bjane01

    Answer by bjane01 at 11:27 AM on Jul. 25, 2010

  • I know what you mean. My husband was the same way on and off for years until he found a good job. It almost ruined our marriage, but after finally talking about it, instead of reacting to his moods we were able to learn eachother's POV. Unfortunately, before the communication could happen, he had to find a good job. Anything I tried, or any support I gave fell on deaf ears. My dh said it's cause as a man, his one job was to support our family & if he couldn't do that, then he felt like a failure. He said me offering to work some minimum wage job made him feel worse since I was already caring for our baby and going to school. I would say just try to be supportive and tell him how his mood brings you down. Finally, try doing something free and positive together, like going for a walk at a pretty park. Getting fresh air & exercise could help a lot. If all else fails, get yourself out of the house. Sometimes you need a break too.
    Miss_cecilia

    Answer by Miss_cecilia at 11:33 AM on Jul. 25, 2010

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