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am i wrong in thinking this?

ive been married for 13 years and in those years my husbands kids don't like me even though ive been very loving towards them..i asked my husband why the kids don't call or email here at home anymore he said because they call him or email him at work...am i wrong in thinking this is very hurtful since he has made it easy for them to by pass me all together...thanks for the advice

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:45 PM on Jul. 25, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • I would be pretty hurt by that as well, especially since he's allowing it to happen.
    However, you can't force people to like you.

    In my opinion though, it's just bad manners. My kids will be taught that just because they may resent or dislike their dad's new girlfriend, they still have to show her respect and kindness. Same with any other person on the planet.
    Laila-May

    Answer by Laila-May at 12:49 PM on Jul. 25, 2010

  • is there a reason they don't like you? Was their father seeing you before he separated from their mother? Do they blame you for the divorce? How old were they when you married?

    My experience with a lot of stepparents is that they think they have a right to the child's acceptance.

    They don't.

    Just because their father fell in love with you doesn't mean they are going to, as well. (I will admit, I'm a little biased in this, as my daughter's stepmother is occasionally wicked).

    The other day she told my daughter that she was her mother, too, and she needed to start calling her that, and that Mothers day should be shared with her.

    She sees the kid once a month. if they show up.
    lovinangels

    Answer by lovinangels at 12:51 PM on Jul. 25, 2010

  • I honestly think if you really want them in your life, you should come right out and ask them.....I say this, because my parents' neighbour is a step mom to adult children who want nothing to do with them...she is the nicest person and nobody can understand it.....but then they finally explained to her that she tries too hard and they just want her to back off and let them come around to her...i think those kids deserve a lot of credit for expressing it.....it sounds a bit mean, but everyone needs time and if she was constantly going overboard to be their friend, it might have actually pushed them further away...I'm not suggesting at all that this is the problem in your case, I'm just saying that it might be good for you to hear why they bypass you all the time...just be prepared to listen well and not be defensive....don't say much in response, you might want to just think about everything they have to say first....
    FXmomTo3

    Answer by FXmomTo3 at 12:59 PM on Jul. 25, 2010

  • I have a friend like this and she only speaks to her father because that is her only parent. I think maybe they feel that way as well. Maybe you should talk to him about this ask him why? GL Momma
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 1:02 PM on Jul. 25, 2010

  • My dad remarried and it took maturity on my part to accept his new wife. I think kids internally feel if they "like" you they are disrespecting their mother. Try asking them to spend time with you, offer to take them for ice cream or something simple and open up. Tell them you enjoy being with them. If they don't even want to go then be patient and hopefully they will come around.
    parrishsky

    Answer by parrishsky at 1:06 PM on Jul. 25, 2010

  • my siblings and i ignored my stepmother for a long time - partly because our dad didn't introduce us for a while and we were not invited to the wedding. she tried to be involved and there was a time when she and i became closer. it was hard for me to have a separate relationship with her because i rarely had enough time for my bio parents, and she was judgemental alot, which made me want to avoid her. she could also be overbearing in her way to try to get close. i don't know how you approach the kids, but the more genuine and relaxed you can be the better. i did really appreciate the times she just reached out for conversation or get togethers without making me feel like it was to make her feel better. i'm not sure i'm explaining this well... it's really hard to say without understanding all the family and individual dynamics involved. don't make his relationship with the kids an issue - that is what they are comfortable with
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 2:23 PM on Jul. 25, 2010

  • and it's probably got nothing to do with you. the times i enjoyed most with my stepmother were outings with her and my dad antiquing and lunch, or just going over for a backyard barbeque. just keep it natural without it seeming like a special occasion, kwim?
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 2:24 PM on Jul. 25, 2010

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