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2 Bumps

What would you do? Stay and fight or let him leave and be happy?

My husband told me that he loves me but he is not in love with me. He also said that he is not happy at all with our life situation ( I am out of work and looking for a job). We have been married for 8 years and he told me earlier in our marriage that he loved me but wasn't in love with me and we worked through it. Now, he is saying that he doens't know if he wants to be with me or not. He hasn't made up his mind. He says that he thinks he will be happier if he can live alone. Should I try and fight for my marriage or just let him leave and be happy? Part of me wants to fight with everything that I have and another part of me just wants to let him go and see if he can find happiness and peace.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:38 PM on Jul. 25, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • To be honest with you, if someone I loved came to me and said that not once but several times...
    There would be a time where I would have to stand up, dust myself off, and simply demand better.
    You deserve someone to love you and be in love with you.
    I wish you the very best in this journey of choices!!!
    Serendipitydoo

    Answer by Serendipitydoo at 6:40 PM on Jul. 25, 2010

  • id leave
    sandraberke

    Answer by sandraberke at 6:43 PM on Jul. 25, 2010

  • If he isnt happy then I would let him leave because you would want him to do the same if the situation was vice versa right?
    LiLJeni

    Answer by LiLJeni at 6:44 PM on Jul. 25, 2010

  • Honestly, LilJeni, if I was unhappy, I would go to him and talk about it and try to work it out.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:45 PM on Jul. 25, 2010

  • Since he's talked about it before, I think you're just gonna have to realize he is selfish and let him go, you can't make others love you....love is not a feeling, so you can't wait till it returns to him. Love is a choice we make! If he don't want to choose to love you, there's nothing you can do...

    Since Love is a choice, not a feeling, the sentence : "I love you but I'm not in love w/ you" makes no sence.
    Nynne

    Answer by Nynne at 6:48 PM on Jul. 25, 2010

  • But if you guys have already talked about it once then obviously things for him arent as good as they are on your end. So i would still let him go no matter how hard it would be for me because if you truly love someone then you want them to be happy no matter what.
    LiLJeni

    Answer by LiLJeni at 6:51 PM on Jul. 25, 2010

  • But that's the thing, this came out of no where. The first time he said that he loves me but wasn't in love with me was about 7 years ago. He had no intentions of divorce. We worked things out then and now all of a sudden he doesn't know if he wants to stay or leave. He has always said that he would never leave me unless I cheat on him, because he took his wedding vows seriously.

    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:55 PM on Jul. 25, 2010

  • In this case (I am usually a fighting girl) I would tell him to leave, I would call his bluff the next time he said it. They tend to think the grass is greenier on the other side, but it's very rare that it is, Once they have to pay child support and in some states alimony, they rethink there situations. Only he wouldn't be coming back for those reasons.
    luckysevenwow

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 6:56 PM on Jul. 25, 2010

  • So what have changed for him? You need to find out why he wants to leave. Until you have all the facts, you can't know if it is repairable or not....although if he has his mind set on leaving, there's nothing you can do.

    I hope the best for you girl.
    Nynne

    Answer by Nynne at 7:13 PM on Jul. 25, 2010

  • Honey let him go. Hubby and I have been together 19 years and this has come up before also and then gone away but it is always looming in the background. He is leaving this week. Am I heartbroken? Yes. Am I relieved? You betcha. I do not want to be with someone who does not want to be with me.
    mollgirl

    Answer by mollgirl at 7:23 PM on Jul. 25, 2010

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