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My husband works 2nd shift

i stay at home with our two daughters. I have gained 60 lbs since we met 4 years ago and he has cheated on me and got the women pregnant..we have had a very rocky relationship..ive left him 2 times..and he is always telling me he is going to leave me. I love him and he is all i have besides or kids. Im trying to make things work but he seems to keep treating me worse. We dont have sex or do anything as a couple, we barely talk unless its fighting, he talks to teh people he works with about everything but he wont talk to me. He knows the sex life of the women he works with and likes to tell me about it. He acts like he is messing around again. :(( Am i fighting a looseing battle with him or is it worth trying?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:32 PM on Oct. 2, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • If your daughter told you about this, what would you tell her?

    This is not a marriage, hon. he's already cheated and likely will do so again. So get out. You CAN stand up on your own two feet. All you need to do is try.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 4:38 PM on Oct. 2, 2008

  • Walk away and walk fast you deserve so much more. The reason you have gained the weight is because you are so unhappy so you hide behind it. I do not know you but I bet you are a beautiful woman who just needs to believe in herself. He is an ass and he obviously does not have any respect for himself by his actions. Do yourself a big favor tell him to move out and do not back down it is your house as well. Get a good attorney and get counseling so that you can build yourself back up. You deserve to be treated with respect and love. You can do this!!!
    mommygreeneyes

    Answer by mommygreeneyes at 5:03 PM on Oct. 2, 2008

  • Ummmmmm this is not a relationship.... sorry.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:04 PM on Oct. 2, 2008

  • Yes, you're fighting a losing battle. When you first forgave him for cheating, did you seek counseling? Did you forgive him and decided to forget without healing the marriage? Your dh thinks it's okay for him to treat you this way and it's not fair that you allow yourself to be put through this type of act all for the sake of him being your dh...You must remember that in order for you to love and have love, you first must love yourself. Once you truely love yourself, you will not allow anyone to come into your wold that will disrespect you!
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 5:39 PM on Oct. 2, 2008

  • Leave him....my husband works 2nd shift, I work 1st shift. We don't talk Mon. thru Fri. But we both make a point to text each other once a day and on the weekends we spend most of our time together catching up. We have been married 9 years, have 3 kids, we both make it work, it takes 2 to make things work.

    If you can't leave him think about this, would you want your daughter to be with a man like him? Would you want your daughter's treated like this, and settle?
    mmmbear2k

    Answer by mmmbear2k at 6:18 PM on Oct. 2, 2008

  • I would try to make home such an exciting place that he could not wait to get back there. You have absolutely nothing to lose and everything to gain. When you have the opportunity, make his favorite meal, wear his favorite perfume, wear the outfit you feel prettiest in, light a candle for atmosphere, make his favorite dessert. Tell him about your day and who you have talked do. I wouldn't even ask about his friends at work. If he tries to tell you something you would rather not hear, just tell him that is information you do not need. Become more of a take charge of your own life type person. When he sees your new-found confidence, he just may have a new appreciation for you.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 6:31 PM on Oct. 2, 2008

  • Well he was probably the cheating type from the get go. But 60 pounds? WORK OUT! Not saying that it's okay for him to cheat, in fact it's wrong as two boys in a tub, but on the other hand, how can you expect him to be attracted to you 60 lbs later?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:23 PM on Oct. 2, 2008

  • I'm sorry that this has happened to u, but u can do bad by ur self and sure as hell don't need (a whatever u want to call him bc he's sure as hell not a REAL MAN) that's already disrespected u and shown u absolutely no respect to make u feel worse about ur self, HELL UR GOIN THRU ENOUGH!!!!!!!! AND 2 THE anonymous who posted @ 9:23, WHAT THE HELL IS "how can you expect him to be attracted to you 60 lbs later?" SUPPOSED TO MEAN!!!! THAT'S A HORRIBLE THING TO SAY TO SOMEONE unless ur a beauty queen w/ A PERFECT HUSBAND!!!!!!!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:40 PM on Oct. 2, 2008

  • 60 pounds is no excuse for your husband to treat you that way. I say kick his tail to the curb. I know it's hard-I'm there!!! You have to have some respect for yourself and show him that he needs to respect you, too. You are allowing him to treat you that way. Who knows maybe if you kick him out and start to feel better about yourself, he will see postitve changes in you and want to get a fresh start. If your not your better off wo him! Do you want your daughters growing up thinking its ok for men to treat women that way?
    mykidsrock77

    Answer by mykidsrock77 at 9:01 PM on Oct. 3, 2008

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