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How do you handle not going out w/friends...

Ok, I KNOW how I want to handle this, but from past experiences, women have been so put-off that I'm at a loss as to what to do.

I'll make friends with women, and they want to go out. I, too, like going out, but anymore, I love to just stay home with my family.

Well, I got invited to go out Friday night, but I just want to stay home. It's not like I'd be messing up plans by not going out, but anymore I feel like I have to make up some legit excuse in order to say "no".

in the past, "friends" haven't been understanding that I want to stay home, then they getting sh*tty towards me. I really don't think this one woman will be this way now, but I'm so leery about things because of past experience, that I'm worried about it.

has anyone ever had experience with this? How do you handle it?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 5:23 PM on Oct. 2, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • I have noticed since I have had children my childless friends just get tired of asking since I don't want to go or am unable, they have kinda disappeared. Which shows thay are not the best of friends :) I do have a few friends that have stuck it out, I mostly e-mail or text them...sometimes I will get a sitter and meet for lunch/dinner. Or sometimes they will come to my house and we just chit chat. If they are friends worth keeping they will not be sucky to you when you won't/can't go out...because they don't know it yet, but one day will be in your shoes!! (most of them)

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:34 PM on Oct. 2, 2008

  • i have lost a lot of friends and don't have many because i don't want to go out and "cheat on my husband and leave the kids with a sitter". i would rather chill at home with my kids and have some wine, a beer or something.

    Answer by mrsary at 5:37 PM on Oct. 2, 2008

  • Being a friend doesn't mean you're at someone's beck and call. "Sorry, I can't do Friday. How about Saturday afternoon instead?"

    You don't have to give any explanation. It's not like you're calling in sick to work!

    Answer by gdiamante at 5:40 PM on Oct. 2, 2008

  • Don't get me wrong, family time is great, but if your husband or another reliable person is willing to stay home with the kid(s), why not get some time out? It would be good for you to connect with women and not worry about the kids. There have been times, I've thought it better to just stay in too, but my husband talked me into getting out and it was so worth it. Not that it has to be an every weekend thing, but once a month or so, a ladies night is fun!

    Answer by chillemi78 at 7:03 PM on Oct. 2, 2008

  • Well for one, I dont have that many friends and most are like me, family is #1. If we dont feel like going out, we dont.

    I am just not a goer outer, Im a homebody and my friends know this. I would much rather spend a Friday or Saturday night with my spouse because I dont get too much time with him anyway and they know this.

    I agree with dont have to give an explanation.


    Answer by BonesDragonDew at 7:29 PM on Oct. 2, 2008

  • Chillemi78, I understand what you're saying, and I DO go out... when I want. Also, I use to go out a LOT and I'm just not at that place anymore. In the past, when I've gone out, it wasn't that fun, and I was wishing I was at home with my family. If my hubby could go with me on Friday, then we might go, but he doesn't want to go out, and I don't blame him.

    Thanks to those who've replied so far. I completely agree and understand that those friends in the past weren't true friends. However, I wonder WHY it keeps happening to me!

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:33 PM on Oct. 2, 2008

  • Girl I had women (who were supposed to be close friends of mine) talking trash about me because I was late for my Baccalaureate party; and I was late because I was waiting for my future mother-in-law who was going with me and didn't know how to get to the party.... there just are women that are catty like that. And there are women who aren't; what's unfortunate is that you don't know which ones are until they've done it.

    Answer by PaceMyself at 7:43 PM on Oct. 2, 2008

  • PaceMyself, I guess that's where I get confused -- I've NEVER gotten mad at someone because they couldn't go out. Sure, I'd be bummed, but I UNDERSTOOD that they had family commitments, and I thought it would be selfish of me to think otherwise.

    So, then I get confused (and frustrated) as to why I don't get that understanding in return.

    One "friend" got mad at me whenI couldn't go out because my husband had to work late! And the reason he had to work late was because he was making up for time he had taken off the week before to be at the hospital with his mother who had almost died!

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:01 PM on Oct. 2, 2008

  • I've lost so many friends cuz I don't want to go out and get drunk and bs. Who cares?Been there so done that already. I honestly would go out with my sonand husband. Case closed...........

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:25 PM on Oct. 2, 2008

  • I have been lucky, most of my friends understand and dont pressure me...and if I dont feel like it I say I dont feel like it. Then again, my friends are all mommies.

    Answer by raybell at 9:09 PM on Oct. 2, 2008

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