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STRESSED! need advice on how to save my marriage.

My marriage is in a rut, we're both very stressed at the low income. It's getting tougher and tougher. I have a 2 and a half yr old daughter and another one due this month. I'm so stressed out from the pregnancy, and my husband's acting like a brat all the time. He's not supporting me like he should emotionally, I don't know whats changing him but he's driving me insane, and I cant cope with all this stress. Money is way down and its just getting worse. The worst part is not having a strong shoulder to lean on. He thinks I'm nagging, and I've been cursed this pregnancy, having all kinds of complications. He's not even feeling for me. Like it'll just go away anyway so no point in asking or helping out. I don't my hormones to push me into a divorce but its getting so bad. I don't want to make a bad situation worse. I'm really confused and he never talks when i talk to him, like ignoring things make it go away. ARGHHHHHH!

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fefe87

Asked by fefe87 at 7:00 AM on Jul. 26, 2010 in Relationships

Level 16 (2,737 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • No advise here just sympathy, I have a similar hubby similar situation, just not preggo but health issues that perhaps I need to go to the hospital and he told me to leave him alone he won't wake up, We also have little money and he refuses to get a job to supplement the income I make. childcare is a non issue they are 11 and 12. Just so you know you are not alone!!! Ignore him, live your life ad have a healthy baby, He will probably come around in a few months. Well, lets hope anyway!!!.....Julie
    mom2priceboys

    Answer by mom2priceboys at 7:29 AM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • OK, try to take stock of what you do have. How about your family, are they supportive? Can you get any $ assistance? Like welfare, food stamps to help with the finances? Are you on WIC? by all means, also talk to your doctor about how stressed you are. There may be a social worker or someone you can talk to. In my experience, men just don't "get it". And no amount of talking is going to change THAT.
    Hugs to you and good luck!
    kjrn79

    Answer by kjrn79 at 7:29 AM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • I'm sorry! It sounds like a very normal though very stressful situation. As women, it's common for us to worry about this stuff, especially when we're pg - we want to make sure our family is secure and protected and that includes financially, and when we're not - we get stressed and want to try to fix it, and to vent our emotions. At the same time, it's common for our dh's to start to feel like they're letting us down, or that they think they're less of a man (or that WE think they're less of a man) because they aren't providing for the family, so they start to withdraw. The more they withdraw, the more we worry and feel stressed and like we're doing it alone, and the more we do that, the more they feel like they're letting us down so they shut down, and get resentful and snappy and nasty because they don't like feeling like that. It's one big circle :-(

    BUT - there is hope for fixing it!!!

    cont
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 7:45 AM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • cont

    As a pp said - look into WIC and other financial supports that are out there - there's no shame in using them when you need them, and it could really save you all in more ways than one - by meeting your family's physical needs, and relieving some of the stress so your marriage can recover, too.

    Then - and I KNOW this is going to be hard, because you're pg and hormonal and tired and stressed (my kids are 15 mos apart - I totally get how tired you are!), but try to have the house somewhat picked up, a nice dinner, something along those lines. Then after he's been home for awhile and things are calm, tell him, in a calm and loving way, how much you love him, and how grateful you are for him, and for how hard he works to try to take care of you all - especially with times being so hard! Tell him you know that things are hard financially, and that it scares you, but

    cont
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 7:49 AM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • cont

    That you know things are hard for you all know and you're scared, but you know that there are some that have it harder, and that some aren't lucky enough to have a dh like him. Then let him know that you hope he understands that when you gripe about it, it's not because you're expecting him to fix it - you know he's doing the best he can, but because you love him and trust him and it helps you to have someone you can talk to about it. Tell him how much it means to you when he does stuff to help you with this pg - because it shows you that no matter how bad things get money wise, he's always going to be there to love you and help take care of you and your kids.

    Then, leave it at that for awhile - I KNOW it's hard, and it's not going to make you any less stressed right away - but the more you "talk him up"" like this, the more he's going to WANT to be "that man you describe" - and it WILL help - I know first first hand!
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 7:54 AM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • Life is hard sometimes. This may be the "winter" of your marriage. Keep your head up. Love your husband. He is probably just as stressed as you and dealing with it the best he can. The clouds will break at some point and your "spring" will come. Just tell him how you feel and ask him how he is doing. Support him always. Keep in mind that others like me are thinking of you. Good luck with the pregnancy! Soon you will have a beautiful baby!
    bjane01

    Answer by bjane01 at 9:29 AM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • You are not alone. I am low on money more than ever. I stay in confined. I cook clean serve my man. I get up when I hurt in m,y pelvis to bring him snack and drink. I feel unapprieciated. I have nothing. But in my mind I cope because as soon as I have this baby 2 weeks later I am going to work parttime opposite of his shift. I will have my own money I will be able to take my girls out for a special day. I will not be a servant any longer then. I'll pay my own way. So just think of a way to improve things.
    whistlemom3

    Answer by whistlemom3 at 4:22 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • I think you should try going back to a dating mood. Even if you just go for a walk with him. I think he is very stressed and worried about money and how to take care of you and the children. He probable needs someone to talk to so he can vent. I know it is hard for you but you have to remember it's harder on him. He is the man of the house and feels he should be taking care of you all. I think you should sit down and get things out talk about what is going on. How you both feel. If you love each other you need to work things out.
    SassyDee01963

    Answer by SassyDee01963 at 9:37 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

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