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How concerned would you be? Back of the movie theater, messages...16 year olds?

My 16 yr old DD has been dating a boy her age & I have trusted her to go to the movies together just the 2 of them & she went over his house once (Mom was home) Found out now that they spent the time in his room down the hall, door open, little sister around, on his bed (!!) watching movies. Then at the movie theater, they sat in the back and didn't watch the movie. He's a nice boy and treats her well, very polite, but I want to limit opportunities for all this physical contact. Over at our house they are very discreet. I know they're teens, but I also know he would love for this to get to the next level, says he just wants to hold her for a long time & feels like he's going to explode when he's w/her. Sexual energy much? She has said she's got boundaries, but he will push them no doubt! How do you feel about letting your DD test the boundaries?? I'm a tad freaked...what would you do? I do not want to alienate her. Ack!!

Answer Question

Asked by dflygirl7 at 8:28 AM on Jul. 26, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 12 (751 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • Eventually she's gonna have sex. How old were you when you lost your virginity? I was 15 so..... talk to her about responsible sex, birth control, condoms, stds, etc. Take her for a pap & leave so she can discuss bc options w/ the dr. You may not be able to stop her from having sex but you can prevent becoming a grandma. Talk to her about how boys use girls & how they tell EVERYTHING & THEN SOME to their friends.

    Answer by Nyx7 at 8:32 AM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • i agree, its gonna happen. you just need to make sure that she is prepared and knows everything there is to know about STD's and how to prevent pregnancy..i also agree its time to take her to an OB..even if its just to talk. It doesnt mean she has to get a pap right away but its good to just start that relationship

    Answer by shay1130 at 8:46 AM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • Eventually doesn't have to be at 16,17, or even 18. I have a son getting married on Saturday at age 20 to his 22 yr old HS sweetheart - they are BOTH VIRGINS! His twin is also still a virgin. And no, I've not kept them home isolated from everyone. We also have a 15 yr old daughter and a 13 yr old son. What did we do instead? We talked with our children. We told them that we expected there to open lines of communication at all times. We told them that we would rather they wait until they were adults to make the adult decision of having sex outsides the bounds of marriage. We also told them we'd rather they wait until they are married as that is our personal belief.

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 8:55 AM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • To be honest, my 16-year old daughter was never given those kinds of opportunities. Girls that age do not have the maturity to withstand those kinds of temptations. If you really want to protect her from having to make those decisions, stop allowing her to go out with any guy one on one. Tell her she can entertain her friends of both sexes at your house only, unless it involves another family whom you know is as watchful as you are. I did not find many of those and my daughter is now 37, so I know the numbers have gotten fewer. Too many parents are trying to consider their teens to be grown, and they simply are not. They are still children with grown-up hormones which they have not yet learned how to control. If you remember that your job is to protect her from the physcial and emotional damages that will surely come to her if you don't protect her, your job will be made easier. And she will thank you for it later on.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:03 AM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • Either you trust her completely or you don't trust her at all. This half way crap is for the birds. You can't say "I trust you, so you guys can spend time alone here and here, but you can't touch one another." Think of how you would react to that, let alone at her age. You would see that your mother doesn't really trust you. You're going to have moments where you're uncomfortable with something she does, something she says, but you have to trust her to make the right choice. If you don't do that now that she is more likely to act out and hide things from you in the end. You even said yourself that his mom and sister were home, door was open, and they were watching a movie. I know what bothers you is that they were on the bed, but where in his room were they supposed to sit? Did anything more then kissing happen? If not, then relax.

    Talk to your daughter about responsibility, protection, and TRUST HER!

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 9:06 AM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • Thanks, Nanny....I think that's good advice, and I do think my DD is a little freaked herself...I can tell. <3

    Comment by dflygirl7 (original poster) at 9:09 AM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • Thanks, Jazz...Hardest thing as a parent....I really don't know what happened in his room....yes, that context bothers me.

    Comment by dflygirl7 (original poster) at 9:15 AM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • I went through the same thing last summer when my dd was 16. And I too freaked!! But...Yes she is too young, yes it will happen, yes it would be great if she never gets her heart broken. But all that will happen. I found for me and my dd that after I went all through the "don't have sex your too young, and it will change your relationship" all those talks, and went to, be safe and smart and don't do anything you don't want to do speech, her attitude changed. I got a lot of "it will happen sooner or later" and I just told her that if this is "the one" you have lots of time. And I told her that I hoped she didn't want to disappoint me as much as she didn't want to disappoint him. The bottom line is we had lots of conversations, lots...about everything. Including what I expect of her when she is at his house. I am happy to say, that she is now 17 and still a virgin!! and they broke up in the fall. Good luck.

    Answer by wallmom1 at 10:24 AM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • We talked and talked some more.Explained while marriage is best ,at the very least be an adult and high school is NOT an adult.Told her though no matter what happened we love her and would help her be safe in any way.Since she was college bound we talked about no matter how strong the love did she envision them together at the end of college.How would she feel if she still loved himand had sex and he was dating the girl next to her in lab.I didn't keep her from dating.She starts her soph year in college in the fall and hasn't had sex. She is starting her third year with her boyfriend at different colleges only 30 minutes apart.At this point I believe it is out of my hands.With our older son we said the same kind of plus told him every girl is as an important person as his little sis.Every girl is someones daughter and deserves the type of respect and care as he would expect for his sis.It worked. Good luck this is tough


    Answer by drfink at 5:09 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • dflygirl7,

    OMG, i am in the EXACT same place as you are now!!! In fact, I could have written your letter myself! Everything from your daughter's age to what a nice, respectful young man he is, to their discretion when in front of us to wanting to limit their physical opportunities. Thank you for posting this question. The answers helped me as well. What have you decided to do?

    Answer by epykpysmom at 12:16 AM on Aug. 2, 2010

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