Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Is it common for a parent to speak ill of their child?

My son is 8yrs old, has ADHD & other, when we were at our 1st appoinment with the doctor that was suppose to help guide us to treat these matters. My sons dad spoke horrible of our son, saying per our phone conversation (i dont know why they would need since a appt was set to talk) that our child is decitful, manipulating, conniving and a all around liar (everything he says is a lie). The doctor just sat there intaking this. Then the dad was asked about his wife and step-daughter, he said, all sorts of wonderful words about them. That they do their best to welcome his son but he refuses to get along. "The dad & I were broke up before my son was born, he saw his dad as much as his dad wanted. His dad quit his job, moved in w/his parents and didn't pay child support for 2 yrs, i still allowed the dad to visit when he chose. I figured long ago that if you speak bad of the other parent just makes the child not like you." Not w/me.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:30 AM on Jul. 26, 2010 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Answers (8)
  • I WOULDVE PERSONALLY BEEN PISSED. THE CHILD HAS A PROBLEM AND ITS NOT RIGHT THAT HIS PARENT WOULD SPEAK NEGATIVELY OF HIM. THAT WOULD COMPLETELY PISS ME OFF BECAUSE UR SUPPOSE TO LOVE AND SUPPORT UR CHILDREN AT ALL COSTS.
    newmommyjazz

    Answer by newmommyjazz at 8:35 AM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • You asked this last week. I think you need to figure out how to let it go and try to move on with life. It obviously wasn't great of him to say all that about your son, but it's your job to teach you son how to let things roll off his back and to be the best he can be.
    jreneei

    Answer by jreneei at 8:44 AM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • Sounds like your child's father is only speaking ill of your child to get back at you. He speaks well of his other children, because they are currently a good thing in his life. Whereas you're the past and so you must not be good. He's using your child as a weapon against you. Even if it wasn't against you I highly doubt he would say those things about your kid if you two were together.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 9:03 AM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • Maybe he is stressed and really didn't mean it. I know how it is dealing with ADHD and it can be stressful.
    reesemom

    Answer by reesemom at 9:49 AM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • Mybe he doesnt know how to feel about the child, and says those thigns out of frusration, not meaning to hurt him or you!
    JoLee12345

    Answer by JoLee12345 at 1:18 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • There's a difference between "speaking ill" and being honest. If you're going to a doctor to ask him to help manage your child, then it's best to tell the doctor what all the problems are. If there aren't any problems, why are you at the doctor?
    aliceinalgonac

    Answer by aliceinalgonac at 2:07 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • I speak like that about my child...because it is the truth. I usually also throw in that occasionally she is sweet and cuddly and she is smart. The rest of the time the only thing that comes out of my mouth is "what a horrible child". I am seeking help for her and the only way to get help is to be completely honest.
    ashisamom

    Answer by ashisamom at 4:11 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • The information that I would need to know to make a fair assessment of your situation is......is the father accurately describing his behavior? Does your son do those things because the dr. needs to know, even if it isn't ALL the time? The doctor can't help if he doesn't have accurate information and you can't expect to sugarcoat the behavior and get the help he needs. Maybe this is how he acts at his dads house and not at your house....this would be something that would need to be addressed too. So in this setting, it would be normal to say those things about your child. Keep in mind that doctors know when people are BS-ing them too, if dad is telling them that your son is a monster and everyone else is angels, he's going to see through that. You'll have your chance to describe his behavior too and if you are the parent that is with your son the most, then the doctor will find you the most reliable source.
    slw123

    Answer by slw123 at 9:12 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN