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Why are grandmas on the Daddy's side sooo different than grandmas on mommys side?????

my daughter is 3 ever since she was about 6 months she always had dramatic experiences with saying good bye to grandma... (on my husbands side) grandma would always make it known that she had to go home or madison had to go home... still to this day madison is always upset when mommy & daddy pick her up ..which I get!! u can do alot more at grandmas than at home!! The thing is Grandma always cries and madi does good up until she sees the tension in grandmas bodylanguage and she starts crying...but the thing that ticks me off is yesterday we went to pick her up and its like grandma dragged the goodbye like she was waiting for madison to cry ...I want grandma...and sure enough thats what it seemed like she just stood there looking in the window talking then madison started getting balistic and then grandma left.. i know its good for madison to express her feelings but she doesnt do this with anyone else . What can I do/say???

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Asked by mommy3567 at 9:22 AM on Jul. 26, 2010 in Parenting Debate

Level 4 (39 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • i would ask her to be a little less dramatic because you don't want your daughter to be a drama queen

    Answer by shay1130 at 9:26 AM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • I would ask Daddy to have a talk with his mother. Anything you say can and will be used against you! Since it's his mom, he should be the one to speak up. All he needs to say is that from now on, the good-byes must be quicker. If Grandma wants to cry, she should hold it in until Madison has departed. My guess is that Grandma needs to be wanted and needed and the good-byes somehow reaffirm that she is needed by Madison. There's probably something in her history that has led her to act this way, but she is the adult and she can control her emotions, at least to some extent. I only got to see my mom's parents once or twice a year, and I would always cry when they left our house, but I didn't want anybody to see me cry. So, I do understand the pain of separation, but Grandma should be able to handle it a wee bit better.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:28 AM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • Sounds like granny is an attention whore. I don't think it has to do with her being the father's mother though, some people just want all the attention.
    It makes her feel better to be wanted, the crying is like a drug to her. I personally would feel bad for her that she needs to see a little kid cry to feel good.
    I would have your husband talk to her about keeping it under control and to stop prolonging the goodbyes. Also you don't have to let her do it. Get all ready to leave while grandma is occupied and then a quick goodbye and out the door. Don't give her time to make a big production. Also if she is at your house, have your LO say goodbye and then send her to her room to play with her toys or put on a movie, distract her so granny can't go on and on.

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 9:29 AM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • Does she do this with her other grandchildren? Ask the grandma to act her age and be more considerate of the childs emotions. If that doesn't work be thankful for having a MIL that loves your daughter. Saddly many (my MIL) just barely tolerrate their son's children.

    Answer by emptynstr at 9:34 AM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • Talk to the grandma ask if she could possibly hide her emotions, just to make it a bit easier for her grandaughter.

    Answer by Rachel24517 at 9:52 AM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • Definitely, speak to her kindly about making the goodbyes shorter, explaining how it's easier on your daughter. That will make her think of it differently. And maybe have a think if something is out of kilter in her life that you can help her with. Maybe she's just not aware, but maybe she's lonely or depressed, and your husband can suggest she get help/out more, so she is not so reliant on her granddaughter for happiness and approval.

    Nobody is perfect, but I think you will be able to help her. From her point of view, making it positive and loving should make the difference between her getting stronger and happier and more independent (think "hey, I've been strong enough to cut this off and now my granddaughter is so much happier leaving me!"), or being resentful of your criticism, and even clingier (think "oh no, what if my goodbye was too long again, and now they won't let me see her again")

    Answer by Tracys2 at 9:52 AM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • Yes communicating with grandma is your best bet, ask her if she enjoys to see her cry? she will definitely say no, and tell her you need some help on her part to stop your daughters crying.

    Answer by older at 11:37 AM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • Tell her that she needs to encourage her to be a big girl when she leaves by being HAPPY that she is leaving, and HAPPY that the child can wave, or blow kisses, or whatever. That is really inexcuseable to work up a 3 year old like that.

    Answer by squish at 2:55 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

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