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Tell a joke!

The person that tells a joke and makes my DH laugh hardest gets Best Answer. :)

 
thatgirl70

Asked by thatgirl70 at 10:42 AM on Jul. 26, 2010 in Crazy for Credits

Level 27 (29,531 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic." The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!" "OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley". The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. "My dear child," said the nun, "Why are
    you crying?" "Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish".
    The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween partyā€¯.
    vicesix

    Answer by vicesix at 11:57 AM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • Joe and Dave are hunting when Dave keels over. Frantic, Joe dials 911 on his cell phone and blurts, "My friend just dropped dead! What should I do?"
    A soothing voice at the other end says, "Don't worry, I can help. First, let's make sure he's really dead."
    After a brief silence, the operator hears a shot. Then Joe comes back to the phone. "Okay," he says nervously to the operator. "What do I do next?"
    Kiwismommy19

    Answer by Kiwismommy19 at 10:57 AM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
    really pissed.

    She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
    driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

    The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
    up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
    gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

    Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
    the box back in the house.

    She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

    Bob has been missing since Friday.
    Deathlilly

    Answer by Deathlilly at 11:09 AM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • What four animals does every woman need?

    A mink in the closet.
    A jaguar in the garage.
    A lion in bed, and a jack@ss to pay for it all.
    desert_diva

    Answer by desert_diva at 11:33 AM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully. "Give me one last request,
    dear," he said.

    "Of course, John," his wife said softly.

    "Six months after I die," he said, "I want you to marry Bob."

    "But I thought you hated Bob," she said.

    With his last breath John said, "I do!"
    vicesix

    Answer by vicesix at 11:56 AM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • Psychiatry students were in their Emotional Extremes class. "Let's set some parameters," the professor said. "What's the opposite of joy?" he asked one student.
    "Sadness," he replied.
    "The opposite of depression?" he asked another student.
    "Elation," he replied.
    "The opposite of woe?" the prof asked a young woman from Texas.
    The Texan replied, "Sir, I believe that would be giddyup."
    Kiwismommy19

    Answer by Kiwismommy19 at 10:58 AM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • From A Mother With Love
    Dear Child,

    I am writing this slow because I know that you can't read fast.

    We don't live where we did when you left home.

    Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home so we moved.

    I won't be able to send you the address, as the last family that lived here took the house numbers when they left so that they wouldn't have to change their address.

    This place is real nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure if it works too well though.

    Last week I put a load in, pulled the chain, and haven't seen them since.

    The weather isn't too bad here., it only rained twice last week, The first time it rained for three days and the second time for four days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Steve said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. ..
    Deathlilly

    Answer by Deathlilly at 11:31 AM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • We got another bill from the funeral home. They said if we don't make the last payment on Grandmas grave, up she comes. John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We worried because it took him two hours to get me and Shelby out.

    Your sister had a baby this morning but I haven't found out what it is yet, so I don't know if you're an aunt or an uncle. If the baby is a girl, she is going to name it after me, she's going to call it Mom.

    Uncle Pete fell in a whiskey vat last week. Some man tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated and he burned for three days.

    Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your two friends were in the back drowned because they couldnt get the tailgate down.

    There isnt much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.

    PS, I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already sealed
    Deathlilly

    Answer by Deathlilly at 11:34 AM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • *Who Says Men Don't Remember Anniversaries*

    A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.

    She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front him. He appears deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of coffee.

    "What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?"

    The husband looks up, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and
    you were only 17?" he asks solemnly.

    The wife is touched thinking her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes, I do," she replies.

    The husband pauses. The words are not coming easily. "Do you remember when
    you father caught us in the back seat of my car?"

    "Yes, I remember," says the wife, lowering herself into a chair
    Deathlilly

    Answer by Deathlilly at 11:37 AM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • The husband continues..."Do you remember when he shoved a shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years".
    "I remember that too", she replies softly.

    He wipes another tear from his cheek and says... "I would have gotten out today!"
    Deathlilly

    Answer by Deathlilly at 11:38 AM on Jul. 26, 2010